[DapperChapper]

What would you say to someone who’s a bit down and has had enough of the dating scene? Not in the sense that they want to stop dating, but they’re tired of trying (and failing) to meet someone.

What would you say to someone who looks at themselves when wondering why they’re alone and thinks “There *must* be something wrong with me. Seeing so many other people in relationships, clearly the problem must be with me, because, otherwise, the problem would be with everyone else in the world, and that’s obviously not the case”?

What would you say to someone who is so tired of being single that they get (internally) annoyed when they see couples being really cutesy/overly touchy in public? (Not all couples, not all the time, but people who basically seem to be rubbing their relationship in your face)

What would you say to someone who has tried online (app) dating, but is now even more disillusioned with the idea of being able to meet someone?

I’m mainly writing this, because I feel exhausted about this whole thing and I feel kind of sad. I also don’t feel I have anyone to talk to about this, so I’m offloading here. Of course, I’m always happy to hear what people might think.

[SorryShaped]

I'd say, go find a hobby you're into, and find others there. Dating apps are not the best way to meet someone, beyond a hookup. An other can happen, but be patient

That sounds like me a bit. the "clearly the problem must be me..."

I think for me loving and respecting myself enough is what I need to work on. Finding hobbies to occupy your time is a good suggestion, but it doesn't in and of itself cure the loneliness. It does help to build something of your own, that you could be good at, like art or music. Just examples.

We are made to find another soul in this world, we naturally long for companionship. Being all alone in the world with no one to talk to makes us feel hopeless.

I know though, that depending on another solely for making me feel less alone has not worked. I need to deal with the fact that I am alone, always. Even if you had that relationship you long for, you will find that you can still feel alone with that person.

This forum has been my main source to vent my feelings about this and my depression for years. I find it quite soothing to type out how I'm feeling. I can choose to take advice or not. I hope you find some relief in loneliness by coming here to post about it.

I don't know you so I'll ask if you have counseling available. I've found it sometimes helpful, sometimes not at all. Best wishes.

[downandlonely]

I felt the same way for a long time. I saw people less physically attractive, less intelligent, less nice, less everything in happy relationships. I tried dating, but couldn't find what I wanted. I realized that the issue for me is that I prefer not to be in a romantic relationship. This does not mean I am alone. I have built a community of friends, but romance is just not something I desire. When I tried to meet people on dating apps, they were looking for serious relationships or casual sex (neither of which I wanted). Anyway, not sure what the issue is for you, but that's how it is for me.

I would say I feel you. I focused on this before, and I failed miserably. So, now I just don't try anymore. For me I think it's part of a larger problem: I am very bad in socializing for whatever reason and have very dull life; I don't have friends, hobbies, passion, my relationship with my family isn't good, and now I don't have a job. So, I know I am out of the game to impress a potential partner.

Good luck to you. I hope you will find someone.

[DapperChapper]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I'd say, go find a hobby you're into, and find others there. Dating apps are not the best way to meet someone, beyond a hookup. An other can happen, but be patient

What if I told you I already have quite a few hobbies? I do a lot of sport to keep myself busy and I’ve met a lot of people through that, some of whom are now good friends of mine. It has undoubtedly been good for me to enjoy myself and make friends, but not so good for forming relationships.

To be fair, I was dubious of the dating apps before I started them anyway, but someone persuaded me to give it a try. I don’t feel worse for having tried it, but not many positives have come out of it.

[DapperChapper]

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

I think for me loving and respecting myself enough is what I need to work on. Finding hobbies to occupy your time is a good suggestion, but it doesn't in and of itself cure the loneliness. It does help to build something of your own, that you could be good at, like art or music. I know though, that depending on another solely for making me feel less alone has not worked. I need to deal with the fact that I am alone, always. Even if you had that relationship you long for, you will find that you can still feel alone with that person.

This forum has been my main source to vent my feelings about this and my depression for years... I hope you find some relief in loneliness by coming here to post about it.

I do try to think about things in a balanced way and be fair to myself. Sometimes it all gets a bit much though. I’m not really into (making) art or music, but I think I understand what you’re saying – some kind of constructive, creative project? I’m not so naïve that I think meeting someone would instantly solve my other problems, but, seeing as I’m already trying to care for myself, I think it wouldn’t hurt to at least have a chance to find someone new.

Part of posting online is definitely just having a way of getting frustration out of my system. If nothing else, it means it’s no longer inside me and maybe I’ll hear what other people think.

[DapperChapper]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I felt the same way for a long time. I saw people less physically attractive, less intelligent, less nice, less everything in happy relationships. I tried dating, but couldn't find what I wanted. I realized that the issue for me is that I prefer not to be in a romantic relationship. This does not mean I am alone. I have built a community of friends, but romance is just not something I desire. When I tried to meet people on dating apps, they were looking for serious relationships or casual sex (neither of which I wanted). Anyway, not sure what the issue is for you, but that's how it is for me.

I know it’s ridiculous to be annoyed about/jealous of other people in relationships. Most of the time, I can control those thoughts and not be bothered about it. Whenever I’m very tired, or just feeling sad, however, it’s a lot easier to succumb to those negative thoughts. I’m happy for the friends I do have, but I do feel I’m missing the closeness that comes with a relationship. I’m not someone who is interested in casual sex either, but I feel I need a connection that goes beyond that of a friendship.

Realistically, I know I just need to wait and look after myself, then I stand a better chance of having success in relationships. I'm sure I'm not alone though with the idea that, sometimes, you just get tired of waiting and wish you could get some kind of instant result, even if that's not how life works.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by DapperChapper

What if I told you I already have quite a few hobbies? I do a lot of sport to keep myself busy and I’ve met a lot of people through that, some of whom are now good friends of mine. It has undoubtedly been good for me to enjoy myself and make friends, but not so good for forming relationships.

To be fair, I was dubious of the dating apps before I started them anyway, but someone persuaded me to give it a try. I don’t feel worse for having tried it, but not many positives have come out of it.

I honestly can't tell you how to form Good relationships. I don't have any for myself. I've had one perfect friendship ever, and she's dead. I've never had a good relationship with another that lasted. I'm probably the problem. I also don't try any more, and that's my cautionary tale. Don't stop trying.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I would say you can take a break from the dating scene, be into doing your own thing for awhile and focus on you (that's ideal anyway) without closing the door on dating. See just because you call it quits for now, does not mean you close your heart and mind to ever doing it again.. just take a breather.

It's hard on many if not most people until they find the one that they mutually want a relationship with. Until then it can be very trying and frustrating and pursuing this constantly is going to take it's toll.

[DapperChapper]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I would say you can take a break from the dating scene, be into doing your own thing for a while and focus on you without closing the door on dating. Just take a breather.

It's hard on many if not most people until they find the one that they mutually want a relationship with. Until then it can be very trying and frustrating and pursuing this constantly is going to take its toll.

You're absolutely right. Most of the time I can remind myself of the same kind of thoughts that you've said and I can keep going. Sometimes though, I get a little tired and it's easy to get overwhelmed by all of the negativity. I'll just take it one day at a time and things will work themselves out.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by DapperChapper

You're absolutely right. Most of the time I can remind myself of the same kind of thoughts that you've said and I can keep going. Sometimes though, I get a little tired and it's easy to get overwhelmed by all of the negativity. I'll just take it one day at a time and things will work themselves out.

Just focus on yourself and what's good about being independent and single. I mean it's a given that you want to be in a relationship someday but it's better to take what you have at hand and see it in the best light as possible, garner the most benefits you can from the situation you are in.

Especially true that when someone is at least content with the status of their life, it's more likely that 2 things will happen. That person will find themselves more attractive to others, naturally because they have an air of peace around them, and second, once that relationship is started, the person who can find contentment and peace in singlehood will be a much stronger and confident partner in the relationship. it's a win win.