[Kiya]

I had a situation happen yesterday at work that is pretty foreign to me. Prior info is that I am straight (as far as I know) and haven't been in a relationship in over a decade because it just freaks me out - and the last one i had was pretty dang abusive. So, I am at work helping this gal collect items for one of the vendors that is being returned. I had to show her to the back of the store so she could bring her car around to the correct entrance. As we're back there in the tight corrdor, I had this overwhelming sense of wanting to kiss her! I've never understood passion or those scenes in movies where two people in an elevator suddenly go at it. Well, I show her outside so she can get her barings and once we go back in she was soooooooo close to me and staring at my lips i think. I felt like she was being pushed toward me too. I didn't know what was going to happen - me with very few boundaries and trying to work on that in t. Thankfully the moment passed and we did manage to get back to the store. But it was really surpising to me - and even more surprising, it seemed mutual to her as well. Like the new Parent trap movie where the butler and the nanny meet in the tiny space on the dinner cruise (if anyone knows what I'm talking about).
Anyway - I didn't know where to post and there is no one i can talk to IRL.

[chaotic13]

Well, if it was mutual at least she knows where you work. If she stops by again, you'll have another chance to explore what's up.

[Kiya]

it's just so odd for me -.... it's like a vegan eating a hamburger. It just doesn't happen. I'm rather shocked by it and keep wondering if i was dreaming. I can't even put it into words. To be interested in another person, yet alone be close to kissing someone on the spur of the moment.
so confusing.....
kiya

[Perna]

I know the scene you mean in Parent Trap :-)

Just take your time and think things through and see what develops from her end, etc.

[bebop]

your profile doesn't say if you are male or female. sorry. is she a coworker?

[Kiya]

female.... and there is really nothing more to it. I'd just met her, will probably never see her again... and am just totally confused because a. it's just not like me, b. i haven't even dated in over a decade, and c. as far as i know, i'm straight.... well with some leanings and uncertaincies. i guess it is all just about that one person regardless of orientation, that lights up your life.
Still - it's really not like me. i don't like romance, i don't read romance... i didn't even make out with my past boyfriends (thus I'm very very happily single). And shocked in a ... not a bad way. Just surprised. and really had no where else to even talk about the experience, short as it was.
Kiya

[youOme]

You haven't been with anybody in awhile and it seemed like it was a close moment. I've always found being close to female much more comforting then being around a male (I'm straight btw). If I was in a tight spot with a guy I'd hold my breathe and look the other way hoping my breathe was fresh, but if it was a girl I'd be all up in her face and not care...maybe it's just something to that effect....either way there's nothing deviant about the way you feel.

[chaotic13]

Kiya,
I have a list of several maybes for you. I am in NO WAY an expert. Your T if you have one or the others on this forum are likely better at this than I am. But here are my thoughts.

Maybe what you experienced was simply a physical response from being close to some one.

Maybe your defenses were down because she was a female.

Maybe she was just one of those attractive people in the world. I'm not sure what it is but there are some people who for whatever reason seem to attract others. I worked with a guy who from the moment I spoke to him on the phone during my interview I felt totally comfortable with him. He was the same way in person. He was an exceptional educator, mainly because students were simply drawn to him. I don't know what it really is about him.. its just something some people have.

Maybe you simply weren't threaten by her. When you were in close proximity to her it triggered a kind of sexual response. You said you had been in an abusive relationship(s). I think because of my past history I tend immediately connect physical proximity with a sexual advance. Often this initial assumption is incorrect and I find myself embarrassed by my assumptions.

Maybe the two of you had differ ideas of personal space and it confused you. I'm not sure where you are from but I personally had a great deal of trouble when first interacted with people from outside the US. I don't know if it is a cultural thing or what but I definitely struggle sometimes with personal space issues in these situations.

Maybe the fact that you felt attracted to someone indicates that you are starting to heal from your abuse and your brain/body is signaling that you might be ready to consider dating again.

Maybe....

I understand your concern about the straight or not so straight issue, but one encounter is not going to turn you gay. My personal advice is relax, don't over think the situation, and try to be open to what comes. There could be a million reason you responded that way at that particular moment. The fact that you demonstrated an interest in connecting with another person was probably a good thing.

[Kiya]

thank you both - good ponderings. all those maybes are probably accurate at some point or another. I was mostly shocked that my "first" wanting to be with a human again isn't "hey i think i like you - let's hang out" ... it was "I want to kiss this person".
thanks all.
kiya

[Cyran0]

Kiya, I don't believe we're all gay or straight. It's a matter of degrees and what would make you happiest.

Would it bother you to find you have some homosexual tendencies? If not, you may find it's worth exploring, either with her or someone else. If the idea does bother you or if you're truly happy not dating, then ignore it. It doesn't sound like it's something that's caused difficulty in you life so it would be easy enough to put it out of your mind.

I myself am bisexual. Maybe by birth or maybe because of my childhood experiences, so I can't relate to the surprise but I do understand the urge. Urges, however, still leaves you with choice. Just be true to yourself.

Cyran0