[Betty_Banana]

Is it ever ok to install a tracking app on a spouses phone to know who they are texting/calling and going if there are suspicions of them lying or doing things behind their partners back?

Do you think that's taking things too far or do you think there can ever be justifiable reasons to do so?

That's definitely taking things too far, imho. If you have reasons to suspect something is up, then confront him, don't use a tracking app.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think it's very healthy, Betty_Banana. If you have some issues with his behavior it's better to bring them up with him. Sending many hugs to you

[SorryShaped]

Tracking shows trust is lacking

[LiteraryLark]

That's certainly an extreme form of controlling. I'd reconsider finding another partner...for his sake at least.

[divine1966]

I’d say generally speaking it’s wrong but there are some circumstances under which it might be justifiable like if they are about to rip you off and take all your savings and you need some evidence. Let’s say they already withdrew large sum of money and refuse to provide explanation. Or you are afraid to ask them because they’d find other sneaky way to take your money. But even then I think it’s better to hire private investigator and let them look for evidence. Plus I am not sure if tracking app would be admissible in court. Is there a reason you are asking?

[eskielover]

Divine.....you & I think alike.....I was actually going to comment that it is not much different than hiring a private detective to investigate their comings & goings but having the 3rd party doing the investigating is safer for you....also they know what to look for & what evidence holds up in court.

Oh man reading this makes me grateful that I am knowledgeable enough to circumvent any kind of tracking.

Not to be rude OP but you're kinda terrifying lol.

But yeah on a serious note, just confront him directly or leave him. Unless you suspect he's a serial killer or crime boss or something it is never OK to do this. You are just going to make another man fear relationships like many of us already do.

[Medusax]

Well...I am sure if you are doing this? He has given you a reason.

[healingme4me]

I like the suggestions for a private investigator if in a marriage with assets things have deteriorated to a point of this being a consideration.

Is marriage counseling an option?

To add: the issue I see that could arise with you the op doing the tracking is that it could truly affect your emotional well being as it can lead to heightened obsessive/compulsions and maybe finding things you aren't going to want to view alone or getting to the brink and looking for things that may not be there. Almost akin to the spouse of an alcoholic driving themselves sick counting or looking for evidence of use etc... It's a slippery slope.

[Betty_Banana]

Thanks for the replies.When I came back and read my post,actually saw it and let it sink in,I realize if I am considering tracking him then that sure says a lot about the state of our marriage and how all trust has been lost.

I am sorry you are in a tough place right now. Secretly tracking someone is a violation of their boundaries. That is not okay and I don't think it would provide you with the peace you are seeking. If there are trust concerns, I recommend open and calm communication. If that seems like it would be difficult for you two, I recommend couples therapy with an experienced therapist. Peace and healing energy to you

If you feel like you need to track him, that probably means you need to reconsider your relationship with him. Is he even "worth" tracking down if he is the kind of partner you can't trust? Why keep someone around so that you can fill your days with doubting and tracking him for the rest of your life? You deserve a better life than that.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

Thanks for the replies.When I came back and read my post,actually saw it and let it sink in,I realize if I am considering tracking him then that sure says a lot about the state of our marriage and how all trust has been lost.

yea not to mention illegal lol cyber laws and all that. kind of like just any one cant tap a persons landline even the FBI needs special permits and such to tap someones phone or use a tracking device / tracking app for the purpose of spying on someones phone time.

before you do something like this contact your local police to make sure of your locations stalking and other cyber laws attached to something like this.

[QUOTE=HopefullyLost1211;6391333]I am sorry you are in a tough place right now. Secretly tracking someone is a violation of their boundaries. That is not okay and I don't think it would provide you with the peace you are seeking. If there are trust concerns, I recommend open and calm communication. If that seems like it would be difficult for you two, I recommend couples therapy with an experienced therapist. Peace and healing energy to you [/QUOTE

I totally agree. If you take the high road, not stoop to his level, with your integrity intact; your conscience will be clear at the end of the road.

If he is doing something to break your trust, his guilt will follow him into the next relationship, while you keep your head up.

If he can agree to counseling, and be willing to be honest and own up to his mistakes, that would be the optimal outcome. If not, then it's probably better to cut the cord and free yourself from spending the rest of your life doubting and tracking someone on a daily basis. That would not be a life well spent. I wish you the best.

[hopeless2015]

I have a friend who has this on her husband's phone, she also obsessively checks their phone records for calls and texts. Her husband also lies a lot. It's a horrible situation honestly..she is absolutely miserable

[lady411]

My brother-in-law was going through a separation a year ago and began tracking his wife's location. He would boast about it to us like he was being so smart about his actions. In the end he found out she was seeing other people as he equally was himself but they still ended up getting back together & continue too track each other. There is a lot of mistrust now in that marriage that I'm not sure how it's going to end up.
I don't think it's a good idea to be tracking your significant other in any way. It rarely leads to anything positive for the relationship.

[Betty_Banana]

I actually sat down with my husband within this past hour and talked about things.I even told him that I had been considering a tracking app because I don't trust him.I told him it was wrong of me and that I wouldn't do it.And then we discussed the things that make me not trust him and we talked about the changes that need to be made in our marriage.

Thanks everyone for helping me .

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

I actually sat down with my husband within this past hour and talked about things.I even told him that I had been considering a tracking app because I don't trust him.I told him it was wrong of me and that I wouldn't do it.And then we discussed the things that make me not trust him and we talked about the changes that need to be made in our marriage.

Thanks everyone for helping me .

Wow BettyBanana!!! That was very brave and strong of you to have that conversation with your hub. I'm impressed I am so glad you two were able to talk it through and develop some strategies. I'll be sending peace and positive energy to both of you for some resolution to each of your concerns. Remember that there is no shame in having relationship struggles...we all do! It takes a lot of work to partner with another person in healthy ways. I sincerely applaud your efforts and wish you both a bright future. I am glad that PC folks were able to help you

[divine1966]

Awesome job talking to him. I hope things improve!!!

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

I actually sat down with my husband within this past hour and talked about things.I even told him that I had been considering a tracking app because I don't trust him.I told him it was wrong of me and that I wouldn't do it.And then we discussed the things that make me not trust him and we talked about the changes that need to be made in our marriage.

Thanks everyone for helping me .

That's awesome!!

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

I actually sat down with my husband within this past hour and talked about things.I even told him that I had been considering a tracking app because I don't trust him.I told him it was wrong of me and that I wouldn't do it.And then we discussed the things that make me not trust him and we talked about the changes that need to be made in our marriage.

Thanks everyone for helping me .

That's terrific!

[sarahsweets]

well you have already talked to him so this may be moot but.... lets say you do track him and find out bad stuff and lets say it leads to a contentious divorce. Wouldnt tracking him be brought up in the legal realm and get you in trouble? I think its so good and brave that you talked to him about it.