[Ramonx1322]

So I met this girl back in OCT (im 24 shes19) we have been talking and getting to know each other quite well. Shes been single for about a year after she got out a 2 year "bad" relationship. To my knowledge it was her first REAL relationship. she really liked the guy but was used, ignored, "neglected", manipulated (emtoinally and physically) and cheated on at the end. Shes told me very little due to some breakdowns she has had and I was there to comfort her but she doesn't really talk about stuff its ususally just like barely touch the surface and then choose to not talk.

I told her since the beginging that if things are to work out I have to know a little of whats going on cause ti not fair to me(IVE RECENTLY told her that she doesn't need to tell me anything but I just want to understand to try to help where I can). I have also been very caring and understanding with these "episodes" she has. She does have anxiety and ive been very helpful with that too.
Im not trying to rush anything with her.
She knows all of this and is happy that she can talk to me and that im there for her.

I just want to know what can I do or should do if anytnign. There are people who do know like friends that I guess when through the whole thing with her. I know not to force her to talk, even though I feel it would help But she is choosing to suppress things.
Ive recently told her that if she wants to do that let me know so I wont be trying to talk and making her "solution" not effective but I feel it not smart.

I know this is super brief and quick but im curious. Am I doing anything wrong? Have I said anything wrong? What else can I do?

ANY comments questions thoughts input concerns would help ill be more than glad to give more if I can.

please and thank you

[healingme4me]

Why would you worry about having said or done anything wrong? Of course you've told her that you are willing to listen.

What are "episodes" that she is having? Of course you've told her that you cannot help find solutions if she's not talking about things.

19 is an age in my experience and numerous discussions with friends that is rife with emotional turmoil as it's a complicated age for many in formulating identity and independence. It is the final teenage year albeit an adult. That's not science that's just social chit chat, to be honest. Haven't met a woman yet that would choose that exact age to revisit. I'm certain I could be proven "wrong" for voicing it, but it's not about to be proven wrong within my social circle of many.

Hope you and your gf can sort through this.

[Ramonx1322]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Why would you worry about having said or done anything wrong? Of course you've told her that you are willing to listen.

What are "episodes" that she is having? Of course you've told her that you cannot help find solutions if she's not talking about things.

19 is an age in my experience and numerous discussions with friends that is rife with emotional turmoil as it's a complicated age for many in formulating identity and independence. It is the final teenage year albeit an adult. That's not science that's just social chit chat, to be honest. Haven't met a woman yet that would choose that exact age to revisit. I'm certain I could be proven "wrong" for voicing it, but it's not about to be proven wrong within my social circle of many.

Hope you and your gf can sort through this.

Thank you for your reply.
As for the episodes they are like trigger episodes. Something may happen that makes her break down

I guess what im really trying to get at is...do I allow her to keep these thoughts to herself and let her suppress them or do I keep trying to get her to talk about them. I don't want to seem like im pressuring her...

[sarahsweets]

Do you truly need to know the nitty gritty of the past relationship?

Hmm... honestly I think talking about past relationships too much does not help the current relationship to develop in a healthy way. Do you sense that she is not over or past what happened in her last relationship? Are you hoping that you can help heal her from it? If it were me, I wouldn't want to discuss my past relationship in depth with my current boyfriend. Counseling would be better, if she still needs healing.