[Ceek]

Hi, this is my first post in this forum (despite started reading the masterpiece Psychological Self-Help 4 years ago). I am interested in gathering you guys' opinions on the relationship passion and love (i.e. love between a couple). To be more specific, is passion a necessary part of love?

Just in case anyone wonders why I am asking. I and my girlfriend are currently having a crisis in our 3-year relationship (btw, we are in our mid-20's). She says that she doesn't have the passion for me anymore despite she thinks she would never find someone who treat her better than I do. According to her, she is a sexual person but has lost interest in having sex with me since one year ago after we re-united from a short-term break up (I was the one who proposed the break up and I guessed I said things which hurt her). She also mentioned about not enjoy spending time with me together anymore. Nonetheless, she would miss me if she doesn't talk to me for a couple of days. So is the love still there or is it not? To be honest, I am quite devastated since I really have done my best to treat her well all the way right from the start (despite the way I used to talk to her was too assertive which she didn't like but I have changed since she told me this problem two weeks ago).

[50guy]

Well, you two guys are young and just starting out in life.
Is this your first love? It could be that you both are still looking for the right person and this relationship may not be it.

Passion is an important part of any relationship. It is one of the most commonly reported complaints that couples give for a reason to end a relationship.

The thing is you have to work at passion. It can't really be faked. What has to happen is for you both to express and think about the qualities that attracted you to each other.

Just because the person is good looking or, has a hot body is not enough. The passion comes from the relization that you are in a relationship with someone that you really enjoy being with. If this feeling fades then what you had was infatuation not passion or love.

You can rekindle passion by doing things for each other.
What do you really know about the person that would make them happy or show surprise? Men are not good at doing those kind of things and we have to think about it.

I have been married for nearly 35 years. I think I know a little about passion and love. You can be in love with a person or love a person and not be passionate about it.
It is the kind of love that families have for each other and friends have for each other but, passion is the burning desire to possess someone. The feeling of "I have to have her/him no matter what it takes". The willingness to crawl through 9 miles of broken glass just to be with them. The endurance to carry the torch over miles of rocky and rough terrain, hills and valleys, heat and cold, fullness and starvation. The perserverance to pay any cost, go any place and make any sacrifice for the one you love.

On your journey to passion remember to not mistake passion for lust. Passion never has perverted motives. Lust is the cause of many bad endings to a relations because it is not earnest. It is erratic and deadly.

Love is for all to give but, passion is toward one person or objective.

[Perna]

Sounds like you are just a "habit" to her if she doesn't even enjoy spending time with you anymore. That's love/companionship and doesn't sound like she has that. I don't care what I'm doing, I want my husband with me (if he wants) and we've been married 18 years so the "passion" is not so passionate necessarily :-) either. It's "easier" to have someone around and sounds like your girlfriend just likes that ease, doesn't care much about "you" at all. I'd propose another break and look for someone who would be interested in you for you.

[jaaa]

i am sorry.....

[AAAAA]

I am sorry that you are going through this right now. The only advice I can give is that open honest communication is the key to a long term relationship. Is couples councelling an option?

[seeker1950]

Sorry to say this, Ceek, but it sounds like it's time to let go of this relationship....or at least give her some time to think about what she's feeling alone.
Patty

[sabby]

((((((((((( Ceek ))))))))))))

One thing that is really important in a relationship is communication. Not just the usual everyday talks of work, friends, laundry and what's for supper. I mean the kind of communication that is deep and maybe could be considered as pillow talk.

Everyone has their own thoughts on what passion and committment are. Maybe it's time to have a talk with her and ask her specifically what passion is to her. If you don't know what her meaning of passion is, then you have no idea how to provide or rekindle what that passion is.

I hope you can both discuss both your passions. Finding the little things that light that fire and make each other all warm and fuzzy inside is a wonderful thing when shared!

Wishing you both well!


sabby