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#1
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This is all copy and pasted for context and I will break it up into quotes. This started March of 2018
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__________________
"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() Anonymous43949, Anonymous52222, Anonymous55879, BeyondtheRainbow, Bill3, LeeeLeee, LiteraryLark, MickeyCheeky, Mopey, mrsselig, Open Eyes, sinking, TishaBuv
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![]() LeeeLeee, LiteraryLark, MickeyCheeky, mrsselig, sinking
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#2
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You are a very loving mother. You care so much you wrote all this out about your daughter.
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"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#3
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If it's any consolation, I would give anything to have a mother as loving and caring as you. I wasn't that lucky to have a mother that loved me any where near as much as you love your daughter.
Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you. Hopefully she realizes that one day. |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#4
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Many hugs. You are just incredible.
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, mrsselig, sarahsweets
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#5
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You're a wonderful mother, sarahsweets. I'm so sorry you've been through so much
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![]() sarahsweets
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#6
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Hi there. I can totally and completely relate to all of this. My daughter did the same thing. Ran away at 16 and then left again for good at age 17, right before her 18th birthday. She left the state and the first time we drove nine hours to go get her back but the second time we couldn’t get her back because she turned 18 days after leaving. She spent two years not working and on drugs. She finally got a job but the partying lifestyle never really stopped. Everything you wrote here is what we experienced. More than 10 years later she has never apologized and continues to put up a wall and blame me for everything. She continues to expect that I should be financially doing much more for her all these years later. She holds a grudge against me that she has struggled but not once did she make an effort to truly help herself and I couldn’t afford to just support her and pay off all her debts... I would have done everything I could to help her if she went to college or a trade school but I didn’t see that I should support her partying lifestyle while I was working a second job just to get ahead myself. It’s a very painful thing to go through. My heart was broken and I have never been the same since. Every situation is different and hopefully your daughter comes around. I did the best I could but I know I made plenty of mistakes. Feel free to PM me anytime. I definitely understand what you’re feeling and going through.
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![]() Bill3, MickeyCheeky
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![]() Bill3, MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#7
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Sending many hugs to you as well, Sisabel
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#9
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O.M.G.! SarahSweets! How perfectly AWFUL!!! ((((HUGS)))) You're in my thoughts...
and in everyone else's as well, obviously. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#10
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((SarahSweets)) I don't have any comments, but to say I read every word. I hope things work out for you and your family and your daughter.
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![]() sarahsweets
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#11
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What you're going through is profoundly difficult and I know it's especially difficult to see the path to balance when you're in the midst of of a hurricane.
It seems like our roles as parents is always evolving and each of you are respectively going through growing pains. Suggestion: Make plans to get together, even if these issues aren't resolved. Going to a movies or having a potluck picnic in the park where everyone, including her, contributes something, is a good exercise but during those times, don't bring up all the issues or she'll never want to spend time with you. Talk to each other about things you're excited about and don't let it always be about the struggles and stresses. Big hugs to you! Lele |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() LiteraryLark, MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#12
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Hi Sarah. I do remember reading this (as you mentioned your daughter in response to my post recently, as well as the others' posts before). But I realized I haven't responded to this thread yet.
I don't think that I have enough love or grace in my heart to do what you did for your daughter. I feel like a person can only pour out so much until the pitcher is empty. I feel that you refill your pitcher by allowing others to pour in more love and encouragement into your life. |
![]() sarahsweets
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![]() sarahsweets
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#13
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![]() sarahsweets
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![]() healingme4me, sarahsweets
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#14
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How are things going with this situation, SaraSweets?
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#16
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Well as good as it can I guess. She is in yet another sober house and quit her job before they fired her for absences. To be fair she got really sick twice and had notes but when you miss work it still screws over the other workers on your shift and makes things harder. I am not saying she was deathly ill but I think she is the kind of person who gets a sniffle and things its the Plague. She got another job right away and of course its all " I love my job my coworkers and boss are so nice" but that is what she said about the last one. I totaled it and she has had 8 jobs in a year! I think some of it is millennial syndrome. That sense of entitlement.
As far as 12 step meetings she is still wrapped up in NA. No offense to those it worked for but around here its a bunch of 17-25 year olds all dating and breaking up with each other. Tons of drama. A lot of people I know who tried NA and moved to AA say that AA is what keeps them sober. But that could just be regional. She keeps on dating people even though 12 step living recommends against this in early sobriety. Boy crazy almost. And I am sure that involves lots of sex. I took her to the gyn when she had her first serious boyfriend and got her the implant because I know she isnt as responsible as she could be. I just hope she uses back up protection. Her car died last week and thank god we have AAA plus. We had it towed home 40 miles for free. Hubby changed the starter and O2 sensor but its still gave us trouble. We took it in to the shop and we are getting it fixed. 1- so she can work. If she cant work she cant pay rent and her phone bill and 2- she would get kicked out and 3- would want to move in here and we cant tolerate that now. We had her stay with us between sober houses and it was tense. Like it or not through all of this she has her own independence and being accountable to her parents cramps that style. Rules at the recovery house are easy for her to follow because I am not the one giving them and expecting the courtesy of knowing where she is and when she is coming home. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever be better. Before she left she had "checked" out as far as the family was concerned- the minute she had a boyfriend. Once something occupies her time like that its almost like pulling teeth to get her to want to be around us. And OMG the way she talks now.. not cursing ( I curse alot) but slang that goes beyond "fleek, extra, hype and lit." Crap I have never heard and she tells me its because she has so many "hood" friends. I just have to put one foot in front of the other, take care of my own sobriety and pray that one day I can feel joy instead of fear when she calls.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() Anonymous43949, Anonymous55879, Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
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![]() Bill3, healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
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#17
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Has she ever been diagnosed with anything? I mean besides substance abuse? Some of the things you mention sound like there is more to it than just substance issue. Is she seeing a therapist? Psychiatrist? I’d also say that 8 jobs in one year isn’t a millennial thing in my experience. It sounds like she needs more professional help. Understandably there is nothing you can do. We have somewhat similar situation with one of my stepdaughters, she is older though.
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#18
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![]() ![]() ![]() Looking at the dates of this thread, I can see how I missed it. Wow. You've all been through so much as a family. The 'hood' friends struck a cord with me. In a sense of ...gurl...don't ask for what you don't want(what I'd say to her not you)... |
![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#19
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Woops I should have shared that info. Yes, she has adhd and bipolar. She has been seeing a psychiatrist for 12 years. She has been hospitalized 4 times. She was told by the rehab/outpatient and her psychiatrist to see a therapist. I offered to show her how to find out if someone is in network but keeps skirting the issue. I handle all her other appointments/urgent care visits. I got her back to our psychiatrist after she was done with rehab although it took some convincing only because when she ran away the people she hung with convinced (a very naive and under-the-influence girl that we were drugging her for no reason and she could be free and be herself if she stopped meds. So she was a non-compliant patient.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
![]() Anonymous43949, Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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![]() healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
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#20
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Sarahsweets you are the winner of my annual JOB award. That’s as in biblical, not employment. It’s amazing to me you can keep going at all.
One of my stepsons (now deceased) was a textbook alcoholic who started out in his teens and gave us and everyone else in the family a run for our money, but he was not quite shall we say “active” as your daughter Becca. I’ll be sending prayers your way. Who knows? Maybe it’ll help. 😖 |
![]() Anonymous43949, MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#21
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![]() Anonymous43949, Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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#22
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You're a wonderful mother, sarahsweets
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![]() Anonymous43949
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#23
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You truly deserve an award for all this. I remember from childhood that my brother had a sweet friend,a boy that we all loved. Raised by the same parents, his younger sister had drug problems, a constant nightmare. I never heard of a diagnosis, that would have been the sixties but they probably would have taken her for help. We were kids so things might have been hushed up. The point I’m trying to make is that it wasn’t you. You did so much to help her and w yr own challenges were far better able to help her. Mom of the year award goes to you, lady! as Mickey said, do nice things for yrself. Hugs.
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Bipolar 2 with anxious distress mixed states & rapid cycling under severe stress tegretol 200 mg wellbutrin 75 mg, cut in half or higher dose as needed Regular aerobic exercise SKILLSET/KNOWLEDGE BASE: Family Medical Advocate Masters in Library Science Multiple Subject Teaching Credential-15 yrs in public schools |
![]() Anonymous43949
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#24
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((sarahsweets)), you sure have been challenged with this child. It's really not that she is stupid either, she has proven she "can" excel. It sounds like the main challenge is that she has both ADHD and bipolar, that in itself is a lot of restlessness in the mind.
Her moving around doesn't mean she is unhappy, it means she is unhappy being in one place too long. Usually these kind of minds do best in jobs where they travel more and get to move around from place to place more. My older brother has ADHD and he finally found that he did best with traveling sales jobs and he is constantly hoping on planes and literally moving around to see different clients. My older brother was always a challenge, had a mind of his own and would run away, was quite the adventuresome type. Now, your daughter has had eight jobs? She gets along with people, her real problem is she gets bored, then begins looking for another job. HOWEVER, if she had a job in sales where she could visit all these places, move around to these different places where she sold them something or was some kind of supplier, she would not get so bored. Are you getting the picture here? Running away isn't always actually running away, instead it's changing location, needing to explore, getting bored with one place routines. We tend to TRY to get people to conform to get locked into a routine or we consider them bad, yet, not all people are set up to excel and do what we think is normal for all children and young adults. Take Robin Williams for example, he was high energy, he needed a lot of stimulation and while he would settle in one place for a bit, his desire was to move around and be busy and busy he was most of his life. These individuals "can" get into drugs, everyone knows Robin Williams used drugs and loved cocaine because often those with ADHD like drugs that are stimulants like cocaine and speed. What makes most feel like they are winding and speeding, instead often calms the ADHD down. I don't know what medication she is on, but often welbutrin helps. Often the true challenges show up in the late teens like you have described taking place with your daughter. These children can be challenges to the best of mothers, so you can't be blaming yourself. I am sure she does love you too, but she has that restlessness in her that even SHE doesn't understand. It's really better for her if she finds something that WORKS for how she is designed to be, a busy in motion person. Hey you know, even women end up being truck drivers, not because they want to drive a truck but because they like the feeling of moving from place to place. Hey, some people joined the circus in the old days, why? Because they liked the moving around. My grandfather on my father's side was that type, he up and left and went out west, he was in a circus for a while and even drove the wellsfargo stage coach, he flew planes in both world wars, the key was "motion and moving around". Not everyone is set up to go to work every day at the same place, it's simply not how they are set up to be. So I think it would be helpful for your daughter to learn about herself, what makes her happy and to find something she can do where she moves around and can make a living at the same time. Same thing with these fishermen, they need to get in their boats and just go, and they love that lifestyle. It's SO IMPORTANT to understand how someone's brain is set up, some brains are the kind that are able to sit and think, while other brains need to move around. We have to understand that in our human history, human beings were actually designed and thrived, even have been genetically set up to gravitate to all different kinds of things. Hey, I would not want to go out and deal with all that weather out there on some fishing boat, not my thing, but for some they can't imagine any other kind of life, that doesn't make them bad now does it? Something to really consider about your daughter. Something you can sit and explore together even. Better than fighting and getting all emotional about what could be HER true normal that she needs to find the right nich for. Just my two cents from reading through what you have shared of your very challenging you lady that you love and she does love you too. |
![]() Anonymous43949, Mopey
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![]() healingme4me, Mopey
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#25
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Oh yeah, that's right. Self-care is so important amidst all of these. What do you do for self-care to recharge?
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