[rdgrad15]

I’ve always had difficulty making and maintaining friendships. I’m sure a lot of people on here have too. What are some reasons you have difficulties? How do you try to make and maintain friendships? Just wondered.

[WishfulThinker66]

I think we have talked about this before. Yeah it's difficult.

I think we need to observe those who are successful and model our own behaviour after theirs.

There are reasons though other than our ability to maintain relationships. In my case I have moved a great deal. I just don't allow myself to get too close to people. Consequently it is acquaintanceships I build and rarely take those further. Based on childhood experience, trust is a big issue for me too.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

I think we have talked about this before. Yeah it's difficult.

I think we need to observe those who are successful and model our own behaviour after theirs.

There are reasons though other than our ability to maintain relationships. In my case I have moved a great deal. I just don't allow myself to get too close to people. Consequently it is acquaintanceships I build and rarely take those further. Based on childhood experience, trust is a big issue for me too.

Oh I may have made a similar post in the past. I can’t remember but it is possible I did. Sorry about that. And I agree with you. I don’t let people get too close either. Just better that way.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, rdgrad15! I completely understand what you mean! I completely agree with what WishfulThinker66 has alreasy wisely said better than I ever could! Perhaps the best way is to just look to what others are doing and trying to imitate them! I'm not really sure about it though. I believe experience is fundamental when it comes to socializing! The more you try to socialize, the better you'll become, I suppose. I know it's not easy! I understand what you mean! I think it's important to at least try as much as we can and to give it our best shot! That's all we can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! Just remember to take all the time you need! Just take it one step at the time! Just take baby steps! Remember that there's no need to hurry! Don't worry about making more threads about the same topic! Feel free to vent and write here as much as you need and want! That's what this forum is for after all! We all care about you here! We all love you here! You know we'll NEVER judge you! I promise you that! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Sending many hugs to you, rdgrad15

[hvert]

There are a lot of reasons I find it hard. I prefer being alone to being around other people. I assume other people are thinking badly of me. Chaotic/unhealthy relationships seem normal to me because of the environment I grew up in. I have poor boundaries and am not great at defending my own boundaries. There's also just ... I'm not sure how the interchange is supposed to work? Like I don't want to have a friend that I talk to every day, that would be way too much for me. Most people I would be happy to see every three months.

I agree with MickeyCheeky that practice really helps. It's a lot easier for me to be social if I make the effort to be around other people regularly. I've also tried to be really aware of not becoming friends with people who are very much like my parents. It's sort of creepy how often I wind up doing that. It's hard to make good friends, that is for sure!

[TheNightWhistle]

A lot of it has to do with time and place. If you see somebody on a constant basis and you're placed in a situation where you speak often, such as work, you might find common interests and maybe do an activity outside of work together that has to do with that. Eventually when you start doing more things together then you'll get to the point where you can feel comfortable with this person. You also have to realize that these things take time, and that closeness takes months and sometimes years to develop. Personally I have a few friends that I'm close to and that's enough for me but that doesn't mean that I don't feel comfortable or don't care about others.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, rdgrad15! I completely understand what you mean! I completely agree with what WishfulThinker66 has alreasy wisely said better than I ever could! Perhaps the best way is to just look to what others are doing and trying to imitate them! I'm not really sure about it though. I believe experience is fundamental when it comes to socializing! The more you try to socialize, the better you'll become, I suppose. I know it's not easy! I understand what you mean! I think it's important to at least try as much as we can and to give it our best shot! That's all we can do after all and it's ALWAYS more than enough! Just remember to take all the time you need! Just take it one step at the time! Just take baby steps! Remember that there's no need to hurry! Don't worry about making more threads about the same topic! Feel free to vent and write here as much as you need and want! That's what this forum is for after all! We all care about you here! We all love you here! You know we'll NEVER judge you! I promise you that! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Sending many hugs to you, rdgrad15

Yeah it can be annoying and thanks. Same for you.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by hvert

There are a lot of reasons I find it hard. I prefer being alone to being around other people. I assume other people are thinking badly of me. Chaotic/unhealthy relationships seem normal to me because of the environment I grew up in. I have poor boundaries and am not great at defending my own boundaries. There's also just ... I'm not sure how the interchange is supposed to work? Like I don't want to have a friend that I talk to every day, that would be way too much for me. Most people I would be happy to see every three months.

I agree with MickeyCheeky that practice really helps. It's a lot easier for me to be social if I make the effort to be around other people regularly. I've also tried to be really aware of not becoming friends with people who are very much like my parents. It's sort of creepy how often I wind up doing that. It's hard to make good friends, that is for sure!

I'm the same way. I always assume people are thinking bad about me so I am not as disappointed if that really is the case. Better to expect the worst than be naive.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle

A lot of it has to do with time and place. If you see somebody on a constant basis and you're placed in a situation where you speak often, such as work, you might find common interests and maybe do an activity outside of work together that has to do with that. Eventually when you start doing more things together then you'll get to the point where you can feel comfortable with this person. You also have to realize that these things take time, and that closeness takes months and sometimes years to develop. Personally I have a few friends that I'm close to and that's enough for me but that doesn't mean that I don't feel comfortable or don't care about others.

Yeah makes sense.

[hvert]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I'm the same way. I always assume people are thinking bad about me so I am not as disappointed if that really is the case. Better to expect the worst than be naive.

I know for me that the sort of paranoia I have over other people think poorly of me has negative impact on my relationships. I don't get close to people because of it. I dislike them when I think they dislike me. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by hvert

I know for me that the sort of paranoia I have over other people think poorly of me has negative impact on my relationships. I don't get close to people because of it. I dislike them when I think they dislike me. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Yeah I understand how that can happen.