I made a huge mistake

Trust me that won’t be an issue now. I didn’t deserve what he did. And of course he’s always the victim

Don’t worry about him. Worry about yourself

The sooner you end all contact with him—including text and online—the healthier you will be.

All contact.

Not worried about him, I just don’t like how he makes me look like I’m the crazy one

Your right..all contact must come to an end.

No one can make you feel anything. It’s not like he shows up to your house and harasses you. You keep going to his, then you are upset he treats you bad. He knows it goes unpunished because no matter how badly he treats you, you come to his house. More you keep pursuing him, more crazy you’ll feel. Plus it’s not safe. Drunken host and drunk friends, arguments, kicking you out, I’d feel unsafe. Things can go really bad.

Block him please. Block his phone and Facebook and email

I am going to block him now. The way he seems is he will punish me and then know I will just forgive him so contact me when he feels like it. I can’t handle it so I need to make sure he has no way of reaching me

Good idea. Block him ASAP

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Gymgirl71! I completely agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! This was definitely the last straw! He doesn't deserve you, or anyone else for that matter, in his own life since he treated you so horribly! Please don't be so hard on yourself and remember that it's NOT your fault and that HE has problems he needs to work on, NOT YOU! It's not up TO YOU to change him! Only he can change himself! Definitely block him as soon as you can! He doesn't deserve to hear from you or from anyone else! He definitely seems like a dangerous person to be around! I'd say you've DEFINITELY dodged a bullet by getting away from him! Things may have even escalated or got worse! I'm glad you're trying to get away from him and seeing him for who he truly is: a bad person who doesn't deserve you and doesn't deserve to be respected unless he starts to learn how to respect other people first! Please try to focus on yourself right now and don't pay attentiont to him or to what he does EVER AGAIN! You deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve to find someone who will truly love and truly respect you for you for who you truly are! YOU DESERVE IT! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm SO HAPPY that you're finally starting to get away from him! Trust me when I say that that's the right thing to do and the LEAST he deserves! I PROMISE YOU THAT! Remember that what he does or says does NOT matter anymore! He's out of your life for good now! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Gymgirl71!

Please set boundaries and maintain them. I think you should leave him. My ex is toxic too. I'm so glad I left him and I didn't look back.

I wish you healing and peace.

He’s blocked

It’s over...I tried so more times with him but he’s too messed up. Blames all his exes when really he is the problem.

Excellent

I know my gut was right all along about him, but I tend to blame myself too much and think it’s all my fault instead of seeing it for what it really is. As a result, I don’t really get the respect I deserve ever.

When someone practices "witholding" when they don't get their way Gymgirl, it's toxic and a red flag that it's not a healthy person to continue to have a relationship with.

This can be something you experienced growing up as a child, often this is something children experience when a parent or both parents are alcoholics. There was nothing you could do other than learn how to thrive in that kind of dysfunction. It's important to understand that NOW as an adult you have a right to change having to exist in that kind of dysfunction. That is something that so many of the members here are trying to help you understand and why you really need to walk away from this guy completely.

I did not get that kind of advice when I was young like you. I did not have access to a site like this. I ended up suffering a lot because of it. You have a right to learn and you are still young enough to learn what red flags to look for, what you experienced was never your fault and that you deserve to experience a much healthier relationship. This guy has you convinced anything bad that happens is YOUR FAULT. You need to recognize how you began to believe him and WHY that is so unhealthy for you.

This last experience is PROOF that any attempt on your part to have a relationship with this individual will result in your being hurt and abused. Use this as a lesson and continue to get therapy so you can learn how to actually BELIEVE you deserve better so you don't fall into this kind of trap again.

I just need to heal and get my self esteem back. Clearly he is narcissistic and abusive..not something I can stand being around. He gets mad, blocks me until he has punished me long enough. I realize this is no reflection of me abs the kind of person I am..he was just getting worse and worse..last night made me really sick but he is not well. That much is obvious. He preys on vulnerable women, not healthy women. He picked up on my insecurity.

Toxic people prey on people that don't have strong boundaries and tend to be naive and kind hearted and even struggle with their self esteem. You are still young yet, learn from this so you choose wiser next time.

Yes they sure do. Also they prey on people who seem needy of love, which I suppose relates to low self esteem.

Whenever I've had a toxic relationship, I was at a low point in my life, more vulnerable, & more needy of love and attention. I was less picky about whom I chose and just wanted the love. Whenever I have felt like I'm in a position of strength, when my life has been more secure and stable, I've made wiser choices and have been far pickier.

Gymgirl, this is a great opportunity for you to learn from this experience. Take it as a learning experience so that you will be that much wiser and stronger with your choices the next time.

I am almost 48..not that young and I should have gotten this crap figured out..really the first time he disrespected me I should have ran..always threatened to break up a tie time..when he didn’t like something I said...

Well, you didn't have it all figured out, you are not the first one that is in their 40's that gets hurt and needs to finally wise up and experience the right support to do just that. That means individuals who listen, don't put you down for your mistakes but instead are supportive. I wonder if you have experienced that kind of presence?

It’s never too late!

People of every age can find themselves in a relationship with a toxic partner. There is no age limit to dysfunctional relationships. I know married couples who were married for more than 25 years to a toxic partner. My aunt, for one. My uncle was an alcoholic until he died from brain cancer at 70. They had a very toxic marriage and raised children together but never divorced. Another married (now divorced) couple I know, is my cousin. He was in his 30s when he married his first wife, who was severely mentally ill and caused him a lot of problems so he divorced her. So you see, like divine1966 said, it's never too late to learn these things.

Only you can control who you date and marry. Only you. Stop blaming the toxic partners for your choices (sounds harsh but not meant to). You choose these toxic men to date, and you tie your self value, self worth, and self esteem to their mistreatment of you because you haven't addressed your childhood abandonment issues with your alcoholic father. You'll repeat that dysfunctional relationship pattern until you repair it. I still haven't repaired my dysfunctional triggers with men, b/c my dad died more than 20 years ago and he was very emotionally with-holding, neglectful, shaming, blaming, dismissive, he marginalized my feelings and never treated me with respect. Guess which types of men I date. Those same types! I haven't dated anyone in ten years and I've done a ton of therapy, but still need to address my triggers b/c as a result I became a codependent woman with weak interpersonal boundaries when I get around emotional abusive narcissistic men. I avoid men who smoke, drink, or do drugs but the ones who are narcissists, who emotionally abuse are insidious b/c they appear normal on the outside. It's not until I spend time with them, can I see their emotional abuse red flags.

So, you have to decide when you are going to start your journey towards self-healing and self-discovery. Until you do that, you'll continue to boomerang around dysfunctional men like this last guy you dated, and continue to let them define you which is wrong. Time to take the reigns back to your life and do the work you need to do, so that you can avoid these types of men and attract and be attracted to healthy men. It wont' be easy and it may take a while. I'm going on ten years of still being triggered but I have yet to let myself get fully involved with another narcissist.

I also know people who spent their entire life in a bad and toxic marriage. Some people are routinely treated like crap so it’s a new normal. So they have never learned. And some women stay in bad marriages because they depend on a man and don’t want to be self supportive. Unfortunately many people will choose to spend their lives like this.

So it’s never too late to learn healthier ways .

Yes your right..that’s what’s healthy. I never putted vin down for his mistakes as much as he hurt me. Same thing with my ex..neither would take responsibility for their mistakes ever..they just point the finger and gaslight.