[Avocadoo]

I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about this. I’m vegan and it’s completely because I can’t fathom the idea of eating dead animals, living beings who once had a life. My boyfriend is not. I’m not forcing him to be vegan, but when we’re together, I don’t like to be around him if he eats meat because it puts the man I love doing something that contradicts my basic morals and beliefs, something that is hard to witness and want to be around. Therefore, he eats vegan around me. We’ve gotten to a point where he is too uncomfortable to eat with me and finds it as a sacrifice he doesn’t want to make anymore. It’s put a drift in our relationships because he’s sees me as being manipulative and I feel an unnecessary amount of guilt and blame when it’s something that I can’t change and can’t feel comfortable with. Eating is a very social and important part of our lives and to not be able to eat comfortably with each other is distressing and anxiety-provoking. Idk what to do.

Hello Avocadoo,

thank you for sharing your truth here. Sorry you and your boyfriend are struggling You didn't mention the length of the relationship or how others aspects are going. I'm assuming that you if feel very strongly about being a vegan and you bf does not, there are other issues you both feel quite differently about. Your world views are different?

I think you've already realized that wanting him/him trying to eat vegan around you is untenable. He's not a vegan and you are. You feel very strongly about the issue so it sounds like you two are incompatible for a relationship. I'm not sure how old you are but sometimes when people are younger they think as long as they love their partner very much, everything will work out. Unfortunately, love is not enough. Compatibility is very important. Similar value systems, lifestyles, sexual compatibility etc. And yes, sharing food/eating together is a big part of spending time with a partner. But this isn't just about food right? As a vegan, you'd feel uncomfortable if he wore a leather jacket or leather shoes, right? There would be major implications if you two were to furnish a home together etc. I think ~3 % of people in the U.S. identify as vegans. For many, your lifestyle is going to appear quite extreme so it's not surprising that your bf is struggling with it. Do you want children in the future? Are they going to be vegans with a carnivore father? Have you two discussed that?

Your value system is radically different from your bf's. That doesn't mean you're right and he's wrong or vice versa. Just means that your values and lifestyles don't align. I think if you continue together, you are both going to feel increasingly unhappy.

At this point, I'd encourage you to consider whether you folks should end the relationship. It sounds like in order for you to feel happy with a partner, you probably need to be dating a fellow vegan. Life is short and precious. None of us know how much time we have. Staying in an untenable relationship is not the path to peace and joy for either of you. When we partner, we need to accept the other person as they are...I think you are quite clear that you cannot fully accept him as a carnivore. In your perception, he is committing an immoral act every time he eats. Imagine how that feels for him to be viewed that way by his gf.

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you and your boyfriend have to deal with ALL OF THIS, Avocadoo! I COMPLETELY agree with what SilverTrees has already wisely said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Unfortunately the only way to continue this relationship is to try to find a compromise! If you can't accept him eating meat when he's around you then things may become REALLY complicated! I DO believe that you need to seriously reconsider this relationship since this aspect is so important to you and since of course you can't force him to change! How is your relationship going aside from ALL OF THIS? Do you think you can make a sacrifice and accept that he's going to eat meat or at least that he's not going to specifically eat vegan while he's around you? Is that too uncomfortable for you? What do you do when you're around other people who are not vegan? Is it possible for you to find a COMPROMISE that mya work for both fo you? I feel like this is REALLY important to talk about especially since you're going to live together at some point if you want to make this relationship SERIOUS? Ask yourself ALL of these questions and talk to your boyfriend about ALL OF THIS and see how it goes from there! Hopefully he'll listen to what you have to say and understand what you mean! .love: WISH YOU BOTH THE BEST OF LUCK! You're BOTH STRONG, WONDERFUL PEOPLE! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! WISH YOU BOTH THE BEST OF LUCK! Sending many kind, safe, sweet, warm and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND, AVOCADOO, JUST LIKE YOU BOTH ARE! PLEASE BELIEVE THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE AND YOU BOTH KNOW THAT AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! PLEASE BELIEVE THAT AS MUCH AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE AND PLEASE REMEMBER THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!

"What do you do when you're around other people who are not vegan?"

This is a good question MickeyCheeky.

[sarahsweets]

Did you fall in love with him knowing he was a meat eater? I am guessing you did. I do not know what is best. My son only eats fish and just started dating a hard core meat eater so who knows.

[divine1966]

As a vegan you would be better off dating other vegans or maybe at least vegetarians. It would make more sense due to compatibility

You can’t change people and yes it’s a huge sacrifice for them to make to meet your needs. I am surprised you don’t understand it’s a sacrifice on his part. I have somewhat hard time understanding when people find others to date and then want them to change. You can’t change people.

Personally I don’t each much meat but I am not a vegan, if someone expected me to be vegan because they are, it wouldn’t work out. I have no desire to be vegan

This relationship won’t work out in a long run because you two just aren’t compatible. Find more compatible partners who don’t need to be changed into someone they aren’t