[xxlstgrlxx]

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what I expect from venting but I need someone to talk to who is out of the situation for an unbiased perspective.
My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 3 months. I do feel like I have fallen for her ( I know it’s soon, but can’t help it)... we have already had so many good times, good moments and some bad ones. I have depression and anxiety and ADHD and she has Bipolar 2 and ptsd and anxiety. Right now she is un-medicated. And it has been pretty manageable but this last week has been a total mess. I feel drained and like my cup is empty. I feel like I can’t say or do anything right. I respond nicely and try to be caring and listen.. I respond by saying how I feel to give her perspective about where I’m coming from.. I have also responded in not so great ways as well.. I am human.. but I just don’t know. She threatens to leave almost every time she’s upset.. I tell her how I feel and she thinks I’m attacking her and thinks I’m telling her she’s a monster and/or that shes a bad person.. she threatens to end her life and sometimes says that I’m pushing her to that.. she says that she would be better off alone or dead and it doesn’t matter how I try to comfort her it is still the wrong thing.. I say how I feel and it is wrong.. I say nothing and it’s wrong.. everything is just wrong and everything is my fault..
Inside I feel like I have handled things well most of the time and that I have tried to be supportive but I’m at my wits end. A big part of me thinks that all she needs is someone who will be there for her through everything but I can only do so much and I can’t care for my own mental health and hers. It is too much.. I just don’t know where to go from here..

Any advice or thoughts or insight?

Originally Posted by xxlstgrlxx

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what I expect from venting but I need someone to talk to who is out of the situation for an unbiased perspective.
My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 3 months. I do feel like I have fallen for her ( I know it’s soon, but can’t help it)... we have already had so many good times, good moments and some bad ones. I have depression and anxiety and ADHD and she has Bipolar 2 and ptsd and anxiety. Right now she is un-medicated. And it has been pretty manageable but this last week has been a total mess. I feel drained and like my cup is empty. I feel like I can’t say or do anything right. I respond nicely and try to be caring and listen.. I respond by saying how I feel to give her perspective about where I’m coming from.. I have also responded in not so great ways as well.. I am human.. but I just don’t know. She threatens to leave almost every time she’s upset.. I tell her how I feel and she thinks I’m attacking her and thinks I’m telling her she’s a monster and/or that shes a bad person.. she threatens to end her life and sometimes says that I’m pushing her to that.. she says that she would be better off alone or dead and it doesn’t matter how I try to comfort her it is still the wrong thing.. I say how I feel and it is wrong.. I say nothing and it’s wrong.. everything is just wrong and everything is my fault..
Inside I feel like I have handled things well most of the time and that I have tried to be supportive but I’m at my wits end. A big part of me thinks that all she needs is someone who will be there for her through everything but I can only do so much and I can’t care for my own mental health and hers. It is too much.. I just don’t know where to go from here..

Any advice or thoughts or insight?

So sorry you are struggling.

Suicide threats are a form of abuse. This is not a request for help but a tool to manipulate and control you. No, it is not your fault. That's called gaslighting. You can look it up.

You do know what to do. You have said it above. You cannot care for your mental health and hers. It is too much. Correct! You need to end the relationship and take care of yourself. If she threatens to end her life when you are leaving, give her the # of a suicide crisis line or tell her she can call the police. The rest is up to her. She will choose whether to live or die. We each choose that for ourselves. Adults are responsible for their own mental health. I live with depression. It is not my partner's responsibility to manage it; it is mine.

You could also talk to a therapist to help you navigate this transition. Please remember that relationships don't start with suicide threats at 3 months and then get better from there....unstable relationships remain unstable or get worse. A relationship should enhance your quality of life; not diminish it.

Please do not allow yourself to be abused by this person anymore. You need to take care of yourself. That is your only responsibility. I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future. You deserve it.

[Iloivar]

Has she only now stopped being medicated? Why? And is it the reason for her acting out? Or perhaps something else entirely? Maybe something to ask her.

And since this is the worst it has been, has she ever done the things that you have mentioned before? Even while being medicated? If yes, I think thats even more reason to leave.

But if you don't just want to up and go, and if these issues are largely related to her being unmedicated. If you haven't already, you could try and urge her to take medications, seek out proffessional help, since you don't know how much you can take it anymore. Sort of like an ultimatum.

Another option is the suggestion of couples therapy. The issue with that is she's mostly causing the issues by what you've said. But still could be something to explore.

If she shuts down both options or already has i think you should leave.

[Open Eyes]

and she has Bipolar 2 and ptsd and anxiety

These can be significant challenges and you can't fix this for her. She needs professional help and can't expect you to be her punching bag if she is being triggered and cycling.

We can love another person and yet really not be able to maintain a relationship with that person. You can't cure her or fix her she has to work on that herself and all you can do is be supportive. Yet, you do have your own challenges that you need to consider and maintain your own mental health.

[sarahsweets]

It seems rather soon to be having trouble. its been three months, not three years. I believe this is an indicator of what's to come. Can you live with this? You sound very unhappy already. You cant let the good times wash over the bad ones when the bad ones are so very deep.

[divine1966]

Sorry to hear all that. Sounds tough. If after three months things are that bad, it has no where to go but downhill. If she threatens to end her life, I’d suggest she seeks professional help ASAP but it’s not good enough reason for you to stick around. I also dare to say that living in such abusive situation could worsen your own mental health. Please protect yourself and really the only way to ensure is to leave.

[xxlstgrlxx]

Thank you all.
I didn’t realize that that was a form of abuse. I believe she is self aware of that though. She has mentioned a few times now that she feels like a monster and wants to leave because she doesn’t want to be my next abuser. I have been in several abusive relationships already.
She didn’t have any medical insurance and ran out of meds about a month or two ago. I did help her get medical insurance back and have been helping get her a doctor appointment but I also feel like it’s not my responsibility to do this all for her. I feel like her getting back on meds would definitely change the dynamics of the relationship because this only started after the meds ran out. Is it wrong to want to stick around and see if it helps ?
I have a habit of being somewhat codependent and am trying not to fall into that role again.
I do think that I will reach a limit if this continues.
I will talk to her about it more when she’s not actively in an episode. Today has been a better day.. so maybe today would be a good time for us to talk.

I would end things with this person. She sounds very unstable and should be on medication and in therapy as well. She is threatening suicide and is making it your fault. Too soon for such intense and deep problems. Very sorry you're in this situation. You're not responsible for her medication and stability. She needs to take care of all of that herself. She's not even self aware enough except to say that she doesn't want to be your next abuser. Definitely far too soon for such enormous issues.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sos orry you're hurting SO MUCH, xlstgrlxx! I don't have too much to add to what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! She definitely has to take care of herslef since you can't do that for her! Definitelu have a long, serious talk to her about ALL OF THIS and see how it goes from there! Make her understand that if she doesn't takes her meds, goes to therapy, tries to improve her life and to get better you're not sure you can continue this relationship! Hopefully she'll listen to what you have to say and understand what you mean! If she doesn't I'm afraid you need to SERIOUSLY reconsider this relationship and what benefits is giving YOU! Your own mental health is just as important as hers, after all! Definitely take care of yourself and let us know what you decide to do! I sincerely hope that you'll be able to work things out with her, but if you can't, remember that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Telling her that she's going to kill herself as a way to control you is DEFINITELY emotional blackmail! I hope things will get better soon for BOTH you and her one way or anothr! Please don't feel guilty about leaving her if it comes to that point! If she threatens suicide, call the police or give her the number of an hotline! Remember that your self-care must be THE PRIORITY! We're here for you if you need advice and support! Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need that! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Wish you the best of luck to BOTH YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND, XLSTGRLXX!

[xxlstgrlxx]

I definitely have a lot of thinking and doing to do. I know I need to make sure I take care of myself above all. And I value myself more in the present than I have in the past. I will let you all know how this turns out.

Thank you all again.