Establishing boundaries with friends...

Jul 10, 2019 at 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

I'm always bored.

I like being challenged, and I think that's why I tend to indulge in relationships that involve manipulation and control, because I see it as a challenge. It's a game. Otherwise, I like a lot of sports and other physical activities such as hiking, card games, arguing, learning new skills, etc. I've done a lot of weird stuff for the sake of curiosity.

Have you ever considered medical school? You might make a good physician. Never time to be bored or curious and you’re already good with boundaries.

Jul 10, 2019 at 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Have you ever considered medical school? You might make a good physician. Never time to be bored or curious and you’re already good with boundaries.

It isn't really my cup of tea. My current job keeps me pretty entertained at the moment. If I do decide on a major career change that requires me going back to school, it'll probably be law since I already have a background in it.

And it isn't merely lack of things to do. I'm also terribly bored by responsibilities that are tedious. But isn't that normal?

Jul 10, 2019 at 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

It isn't really my cup of tea. My current job keeps me pretty entertained at the moment. If I do decide on a major career change that requires me going back to school, it'll probably be law since I already have a background in it.

And it isn't merely lack of things to do. I'm also terribly bored by responsibilities that are tedious. But isn't that normal?

Law school was the other thing that came to mind for you. Yes, I agree that every day responsibilities can become quite tedious.

Bill3 · Jul 10, 2019 at 08:45 PM

Quote:

But how, and how to defend them in a healthy way.

Maybe you could avoid indefinitely, but to me, in order to set a boundary, one needs to say it out loud.

One could begin by saying how much you value the friendship—but one thing has been difficult for you, which is ...

And therefore you are asking...

Because you wouldn’t want anything to come between you.

Once you have a boundary, you can use gentle, non threatening humor to remind her of it.

Jul 10, 2019 at 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Absolutely true. But how, and how to defend them in a healthy way.

I don't get bothered easily and I've learned to restrain myself somewhat, but in the past, I've threatened the lives of friends and family members over minor inconveniences. It can get bad real quick.

Okay, if that's the case, you may want to set boundaries with her in writing rather than in person or over the phone.

This way, you have time to think about what you write in response to whatever she writes.

If she starts guilt-tripping you over text or email and you see yourself getting increasingly frustrated with her, walk away from your phone or computer, take a deep breath, go do some processing or go do something else and come back to it when you are calmer.

Jul 10, 2019 at 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Maybe you could avoid indefinitely, but to me, in order to set a boundary, one needs to say it out loud.

I agree. It needs to be made known.

If (when) she crosses that boundary, I'll just walk away. Or that's the plan, at least.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ennie

Okay, if that's the case, you may want to set boundaries with her in writing rather than in person or over the phone.

That's a good idea. Also, if I put it in writing, then I've got a documentation of what I actually said. She has a habit of twisting words; e.g. insisting that some plan she was trying to convince me of was actually my idea. Not that I've ever fallen for her ham-handed attempts at manipulation, but she still attempted to manipulate me, which is rude.

Jul 11, 2019 at 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Also, if I put it in writing, then I've got a documentation of what I actually said. She has a habit of twisting words; e.g. insisting that some plan she was trying to convince me of was actually my idea.

Smart-thinking!

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