public abuse

Good points.

But in my story nothing really got to any level above level that OP observed in the camp. The guy was just yelling, just like a guy in the camp. . No violence. It didn’t sit well with me though. What I was trying to say is you never know what’s going on
so it’s better to call.

Also police will work with CPS and DV. It’s not completely separate. Regardless which organization you call, there will be follow ups from other organization. You call CPS, they’ll inform police, you call police, they will inform CPS etc etc

I don’t see a point in giving a woman info on CPS. If you see children being abused, you call CPS yourself. I’d not rely on her protecting her children if she allows abuse. It’s not like she never heard of CPS. She likely knows if she allows abuse, kids could be removed from her home

it's not really an issue of her "allowing" the abuse. domestic abuse, sexual abuse, actually any type of abuse is not about blaming the victims. many times people who are caught in an abusive relationship feel trapped and hopeless and just don't "know" a way out. it is so hard to break the cycle and get free. abuse is complicated, and usually more times then not it is cyclic. as in generational.

to take that first step in addressing abuse is one of the hardest things women, men, have ever done. it is scary as hell. because as bad as abuse is , it is what you know...and the unknown is worse. she may think her kids will be removed if she calls, but what she may not know is that every state, every county has safe homes where she will be protected.

in the midst of an incident offer any help you can in a safe manner. call pd, let the professionals handle it. if it is a long term situation where children are in danger, then notify protective services. do what is best..not for your opinion, but for the children.

no one "allows" abuse....that is akin to saying a woman "allowed" herself to be raped because of her clothing, drinks etc. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but we (everyone) need to be aware of the verbiage used. that is like saying that as a child abuse victim I "allowed" myself to be raped repeatedly....did I really have that much control over the situation? no. control. pl;ays into the situation.

True, there aren't always going to be obvious signs before a murder. It sounds like you went on a gut instinct, and you're right that we shouldn't ignore our instincts when we feel something is truly off. I still don't think calling the cops should be the first resort, though.

I've got a situation now where I'm witnessing an abusive relationship develop between two of my friends. I've only got a hunch, not any hard evidence, and I doubt there's any to find (yet). Nonetheless, it has the hallmarks of what will become an abusive relationship. He's got a temper, and she tries to tip-toe around it. I'm thinking there's a way to address the underlying problems before it even becomes an issue worthy of calling the cops.

Sure, I would definitely call CPS if kids are being abused, and probably would've called in OP's case. Well, I would probably dig into it a little more beforehand to understand what was going on, but that's likely because I'm not getting enough detail from the original post.

Have I implied this? If I did so, it was unintended.

Yeah my wording re “allowed” is a bit off. Sometimes it’s the language. I was mainly trying to say that this lady already knows/is aware that her kids are being mistreated so giving her info about CPS might not be as beneficial as actually calling CPS yourself. They will investigate and they are usually fast.

In some US states if the police come out to a domestic violence call they will arrest the one who seems to be the violent one even when NO charges are pressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966 Yeah my wording re “allowed” is a bit off. Sometimes it’s the language. I was mainly trying to say that this lady already knows/is aware that her kids are being mistreated so giving her info about CPS might not be as beneficial as actually calling CPS yourself. They will investigate and they are usually fast.

Sorry if this is off topic.

Devine, the mother may not recognize that the father yelling, cursing, etc at the kids is abusive. In her world it might be "normal" (I hate that word).

To her dying day my mother never saw my father's abuse as abuse.

That’s entirely possible especially if she was also raised in abusive home.

I also found out in my case that the police do nothing about yelling/mental abuse cases. There has to be physical before they got involved....but that has been years ago. Yelling is more handled as a disturbance than something they arrest/remove for. That was just my own personal experience.

First off thanks for all the responses. Whether critical or not, everyone has wished to be supportive.

When you are faced with such a situation it is self-preservation that takes a hold.

I have PTSD from such abuse I faced myself both in and out of the military. I have on more than one occasion dealt with threats and physical blow-back for confronting and ratting on such predators. My thought at the time was that if I did call for someone to take action that this guy was going to be left alone while packing up his camp. I was terrified of what might ensue. Terrified. Given such panic my defense mechanism is to freeze, not take flight (which could not be done) and not fight.

I mean no offense to the good military people out there but my experience was not positive. There were the predators. Those that were not were predators by proxy - they just stood by. I learned there were ramifications for rocking the boat. This man fit the type and triggered fear as a result.

Yes, I should have done something and I am deeply upset with myself. There is no excuse I know. We all react differently in the face of such fear. My reaction is to cower. I am sorry to her and all those I have disappointed.

at this point we have come full circle. with posts from the original poster. maybe it's time to put an end too this discussion...we have rehashed everything and addressed some great talking points.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 When you are faced with such a situation it is self-preservation that takes a hold. I have PTSD from such abuse I faced myself both in and out of the military. I have on more than one occasion dealt with threats and physical blow-back for confronting and ratting on such predators. My thought at the time was that if I did call for someone to take action that this guy was going to be left alone while packing up his camp. I was terrified of what might ensue. Terrified. Given such panic my defense mechanism is to freeze, not take flight (which could not be done) and not fight. I mean no offense to the good military people out there but my experience was not positive. There were the predators. Those that were not were predators by proxy - they just stood by. I learned there were ramifications for rocking the boat. This man fit the type and triggered fear as a result. Yes, I should have done something and I am deeply upset with myself. There is no excuse I know. We all react differently in the face of such fear. My reaction is to cower. I am sorry to her and all those I have disappointed.

WishfulThinker, please be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up because you froze is not fair to you. It's hard enough dealing with old shute without beating yourself over the head about it. You did what you were able AT THE TIME. Hopefully the situation never comes up again, but now you have ideas you can draw on.