[Pav09]

I started talking to a guy online. We met on a app for language exchange. We exchanged numbers and very quicklywe started to become close through our texting. He was very quick to talk sweet to me, I did think this was strange but I allowed myself to get emotionally involved even though we haven't met and there is a lot of distance between us so this is something that realistically can't go anywhere.

He made me feel wanted and talked about coming here but then veery quickly changed his tune. Long story short I feel like I been left confused an that may be he was just after something . All of this has happened before and I have noticed that I very easily become attached and emotionally involved and start fantasising about a future with someone that I haven't even met .

I feel like I obsess over it and it takes me a while to get over things even if it was never something. I would like to stop feeing like this to be able t take my time and not get so swept up easily and just to protect myself

Are you dealing with loneliness or a void in your heart? Do you think that you look to attention from other people to fill in that void?

Maybe you can set up an appointment with a therapist to figure this out.

[sarahsweets]

Do you think it could be a self esteem issue?

[penguinh]

I've been through this and it's definitely hard to beat. Look up "love addiction". It definitely has something to do with filling a void. I think the only real solution is to stay single long enough for you to find fulfillment in your life outside of other people.

[zeninfinity]

You can put boundaries on your-self. You have noticed a pattern in your-self. Meet guy, he says sweet things to you, then X. X is typically a projection in the future. "This guy could be the one." Or some other "romantic" Walt Disney like idealism of a relationship. Learn how to watch your thoughts and recognize the patterns you fall into. And then redirect those thoughts to what will serve you better.

At least for me, this is where I would get "attached". I would attach my-self to an idea. My mind would think something along the lines of; "Finally, someone who gets me." Or some other bs I would tell my-self. Again! Learn to watch your mind do this to your-self! When we "attach" ourselves to certain "expectations" or ideas it typically leads to disappointment.

The key here is to take ownership of your feelings. He did not do this to you. He did not MAKE you feel this way. You did it to your-self! Simply put, pay attention to your patterns. Once recognized, practice, letting go of the idea you are attaching yourself to.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Pav: I see this was your first post here on PC. So... a belated welcome to Psych Central to you.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of emotional neediness & how to overcome it plus 1 on attachment styles. Perhaps there's something in these articles that can be of some help:

What Does It Really Mean to Be Needy?

4 Ways to Stop Being Needy and Start Being Confident

How to Stop Being So Needy and Dependent | Happily Imperfect

What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter? | Happily Imperfect

I hope you have found being here on PC to be of benefit.