[Nexus2]

I know I should be able to count on my adult kids for support when I am in a really bad place but from previous experience, I just can't.
In the past when I had an absolute melt down with daily suicidal thoughts, my kids reaction was, oh you are always whinging about something OR We won't come over while you are in a mood. At one point my daughter in law told me I was a terrible mother and grandmother and uninvited me to my grandchildren christening.
We have made amends somewhat bit I am worried I will get the same treatment if I tell them about my current situation which is a repeat of the last one albeit not as severe.
Any tips on how I can approach them without feeling worse about myself?

[Bill3]

Given what has happened in the past, I am wondering whether there might be others who can actually be relied upon to give support at this difficult time?

[hvert]

What is it that you want your adult children to do when you tell them about this? What actions do you want them to take? I think Bill3 made a very good suggestion.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Nexus2

I know I should be able to count on my adult kids for support when I am in a really bad place but from previous experience, I just can't.

In the past when I had an absolute melt down with daily suicidal thoughts, my kids reaction was, oh you are always whinging about something OR We won't come over while you are in a mood. At one point my daughter in law told me I was a terrible mother and grandmother and uninvited me to my grandchildren christening.

We have made amends somewhat bit I am worried I will get the same treatment if I tell them about my current situation which is a repeat of the last one albeit not as severe.

Any tips on how I can approach them without feeling worse about myself?

I just want you to know that I understand the place that your are in and I know how it feels to want support from someone and not get it. I’m just not sure your children should bear this brunt. I know they are adults but we are always children with our parents. They expect you to be the one to care about them.

When we are depressed and suicidal we are very self absorbed. I do not mean that in a bad way like selfish or self centered. We are thinking about our pain, our trauma, our problems. And with suicidal ideation it’s part of the deal to think about our life and if it’s worth it. With that in mind I think the responsibility you are placing on your kids isn’t the best idea. They are neither equipped nor able to support or understand you the way you need them to.

I don’t agree with them invalidating your pain or univiting you to your grand baby’s christening Because that only happens once but I do think the burden and fear they have for you is valid.
Do you think they don’t truly care about you ? Like they wouldn’t miss you if you were gone ?

[Nexus2]

Originally Posted by hvert

What is it that you want your adult children to do when you tell them about this? What actions do you want them to take? I think Bill3 made a very good suggestion.

hvert, I suppose I am looking for support and understanding from my children, rather than judgement and dismissal.

[Nexus2]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I just want you to know that I understand the place that your are in and I know how it feels to want support from someone and not get it. I’m just not sure your children should bear this brunt. I know they are adults but we are always children with our parents. They expect you to be the one to care about them.

When we are depressed and suicidal we are very self absorbed. I do not mean that in a bad way like selfish or self centered. We are thinking about our pain, our trauma, our problems. And with suicidal ideation it’s part of the deal to think about our life and if it’s worth it. With that in mind I think the responsibility you are placing on your kids isn’t the best idea. They are neither equipped nor able to support or understand you the way you need them to.

I don’t agree with them invalidating your pain or univiting you to your grand baby’s christening Because that only happens once but I do think the burden and fear they have for you is valid.
Do you think they don’t truly care about you ? Like they wouldn’t miss you if you were gone ?

I know they care about me, I know they would miss me. I understand all those thoughts are not logical.
I suppose I have become dependant on my children as my support network, as this is how we have all been raised in my family.
You are correct, I cannot burden them with this. I will not tell them and continue to 'deal and heal' without their knowledge.
Thank you

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Nexus2

hvert, I suppose I am looking for support and understanding from my children, rather than judgement and dismissal.

Understanding may never occur from those who have never been suicidal. I don’t personally think this is something you should be talking to them about.