[wantlovee]

Hello,

I am female in my early 30's and last few years I have been struggling to enjoy a relationship and emotional intimacy with the opposite sex.

I grew up in a broken home, where father was abusive, cheating and emotionally abusing us. Mother was pretending like everything was absolutely fine and I remember that we were the happiest when he wasn't around.

When I started dating in my teen years, I enjoyed my long term relationships a lot and fantasized about having family and kids. I was able to spend my entire day with my boyfriend and absolutely loved every part of it. However, in my early twenties, I started seeing this guy and was really in love with him, but everything went downhill when he said that he loved me. At a very moment, I started vomiting and having a massive panic attack. just the idea of him made me sick. After a few months, I broke up with him and started meaningless relationships, and I would enjoy them until they would turn into something more serious, and then I would stop them. I was comfortable being only with men who didn't show openly that they were in love with me.

I have been alone for about 2 years now, and I want to start working on myself and getting help, as I consciously ant to have a partner and a family, but my fears and experiences prevent me from being able to enjoy in someone's love and attention. I would like to hear your bits of advice and recommendations..

I will start psychotherapy in about 3 weeks as well.

Thank you in advance

[Skeezyks]

Hello wantlovee: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the survivors of abuse forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/

And then here are links to 10 articles from Psych Central's archives. The first 4 are on attachment styles & the effects of childhood trauma on relationships. The remaining 6 provide insights into, & suggestions for getting the most out of, your first therapy appointment:

What Is Attachment and Why Is It Important?

How to Change Your Attachment Style

How Childhood Trauma Affects Adult Relationships

Healing Your Inner Child

https://psychcentral.com/lib/your-fi...erapy-session/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-tips...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/pract...ow-to-prepare/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-int...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/talk-t...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/video-...erapy-session/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[wantlovee]

Thank you!
Anyone else has some more advice?