[birdiegirl]

I'm at what I feel is the end of an 18 year marriage. My first, his 2nd. He left his first wife for me, we were sneaking around for almost 2 years before they split, so our relationship didn't get off on a healthy footing. Both of us have family baggage which he says he has worked out, but frankly he hasn't He is still an angry person inside on many levels. The last 10ish years of our marriage have been tough- job issues, periods of financial instability, family drama- and instead of working together as a team to get thru these things, we have grown apart, to the point where I have my own bedroom, and we basically live in the same house and pay bills. I am not financially able to go out on my own. We don't have any kids, but I do have parrots and cats, and finding some place that will allow them would be challenging. And no, don't say rehome the pets, because they are like my kids and I won't leave them. We are in 2 separate worlds. I've been in and out of therapy over the years, he won't do couples therapy because he claims he did so much self- work over the years that he knows himself, and he's just angry, and frustrated, and miserable to be around a lot of the time. Obviously that drags me down as well. I just want to feel calm inside, and focused, and both of those things are very elusive right now. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

[Open Eyes]

It's possible that you live with someone that still carries emotional baggage from his past even though he doesn't want to experience that, this tends to present "anger" and even distancing. It's no wonder he isn't interested in marriage counseling, often a person wont be interested in that because they subconsciously realize their unhappiness is mostly about themselves and how their personal history has affected them and what it means for them in the now of their lives.

How old is your husband?

[MickeyCheeky]

Welcome, @birdiegirl! I am SO SORRY you're struggling! It seems like you're in a REALLY difficult situation right now. I'm not sure what to suggest to be completely honest with you! Are you currently working? If that's the case, perhaps you could try to start saving some money so that you'll be able to move on your own. Do you have ANY Friends or Family Members that would be willing to help you out financially? If you do, try to seek their help as well! Perhaps you can even arrange to stay at someone else's place while you look for better opportunities. Perhaps someone is renting a room? It's worth trying! I hope you'll be able to bring your Pets with you as well! Please be kind to yourself. I hope you'll be able to get out of this situations soon! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when looking for Advice and Support. I am SURE plenty of others will gladly help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @birdiegirl, and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking a smuch as you possibly can like you're already wonderfully doing all and entirely by yourself and all and entirely on your own!

[birdiegirl]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It's possible that you live with someone that still carries emotional baggage from his past even though he doesn't want to experience that, this tends to present "anger" and even distancing. It's no wonder he isn't interested in marriage counseling, often a person wont be interested in that because they subconsciously realize their unhappiness is mostly about themselves and how their personal history has affected them and what it means for them in the now of their lives.

How old is your husband?

He's going to be 62 in December, I'm 57