[Icedgem]

I'm 34.

All through my life I've heard people say I'm too sensitive. And it hurts like hell as I'm just being me.

It's mainly men who have said this.

My older brother always says it, my dad, some old colleagues and now today boyfriend.

My family usually say it if I get upset by their teasing. They think if they saying something funny or in a joke way about my appearance or my life in general and I get annoyed or upset, I'm too sensitive and need to 'man up'

My boyfriend said today he didn't want to go somewhere as her already been there and he thought it was boring. He said it in such a cold way too, I got upset as I'd never been and wanted to go (it was just a nature walk)

We ended up having a row and he said I'm too sensitive, he doesn't know how to act around me and is now scared he'll say something in the wrong way and upset me. Is said hes now treading on egg shells.

I was so upset by this but as I'm 'too sensitive' I choked back my years behind my sunglasses and just accepted what he said. I was actually too afraid to cry in front of him
We've had silly arguments in the past but this was a big thing he said. I've never actually felt so emotionally distant from him

Yes, I AM sensitive. That's just me. Is that a bad thing? I never thought so but I'm now starting to wonder.

I have no idea what to do with my own head.

I'm really upset but now I can't express this to anyone

I’m very sensitive too. People can be very harsh and judgemental when it comes to people with strong sensitivities. It’s not you, it’s them being insensitive! Sensitive people need to be around those who care about people’s feelings. If your boyfriend feels like he’s walking on eggshells, he may not be the best match for you. We can’t really change how we are. How does a sensitive person become less sensitive? It’s hard. Either you let things roll off more easily, or you allow yourself your true feelings. Why does society expect us to be a “man” and take it? It’s as though we’re not allowed feelings! You can work through your upset on your own then be logical about something without it upsetting you SO much. I do sometimes have to tell myself that I’m being too sensitive or I’m taking something far too personally and to heart. But like I said, if your boyfriend cannot be compassionate and understanding around your feelings, he may not be the right match. We need other sensitive people.

[Icedgem]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I’m very sensitive too. People can be very harsh and judgemental when it comes to people with strong sensitivities. It’s not you, it’s them being insensitive! Sensitive people need to be around those who care about people’s feelings. If your boyfriend feels like he’s walking on eggshells, he may not be the best match for you. We can’t really change how we are. How does a sensitive person become less sensitive? It’s hard. Either you let things roll off more easily, or you allow yourself your true feelings. Why does society expect us to be a “man” and take it? It’s as though we’re not allowed feelings! You can work through your upset on your own then be logical about something without it upsetting you SO much. I do sometimes have to tell myself that I’m being too sensitive or I’m taking something far too personally and to heart. But like I said, if your boyfriend cannot be compassionate and understanding around your feelings, he may not be the right match. We need other sensitive people.

Thank you for your reply.

I was just so gutted at what he said.

I'm now unsure how to tell him this

Originally Posted by Icedgem

Thank you for your reply.

I was just so gutted at what he said.

I'm now unsure how to tell him this

Maybe you can tell him that yes, you are very sensitive and cannot help it. See how he reacts and what he says.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

No, it's not you at all sweetie. I'm very sensitive too. When people tell me that I'm being too sensitive, I realize that maybe I shouldn't be around those type of people. Sensitive people should be treasured. That's my thoughts on it. I'm a very loving and caring individual. Just simply be yourself hun and don't change. So trust me, you're definitely not alone.

[Icedgem]

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

No, it's not you at all sweetie. I'm very sensitive too. When people tell me that I'm being too sensitive, I realize that maybe I shouldn't be around those type of people. Sensitive people should be treasured. That's my thoughts on it. I'm a very loving and caring individual. Just simply be yourself hun and don't change. So trust me, you're definitely not alone.

Thanks

I am very lovely and caring too and it just hurts so much when the people who are closest to me aren't the same back.

I'm starting to feel ashamed of who I am.

I feel like I've had a bit of a reality shock yesterday. I was so happy with my relationship and had no idea my partner felt the way he did about me

[Icedgem]

When I got to work this morning I just about get a hello from colleagues lol

I ask about their weekends and plans they had. I realised that no body actually asked about mine.
Sure, they're not friend but just colleagues, yet we see eachother all day everyday.

This made me feel very upset. Again, sort of cemented maybe I'm just too sensitive

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel. I'm sensitive as well. I'd talk with your boyfriend if I were you...

I have found over the years that my sensitivities have lessened with age. But for now, you need to be around people who are understanding and compassionate about it, not harsh.

[Jessbird234]

Have you ever heard of Highly Sensitive People (HSP's)? It may be that you are one, or not. Either way, you are unique and it should always be ok to be yourself.

Some people are pretty oblivious to others. It is wonderful that you care about others. I hope your boyfriend can understand that.

We all have unique personalities and loved ones are who we expect to love and accept us as we are - not criticize us. Being a sensitive person has its advantages and I’m positive the people who criticize you benefit from you being a sensitive person. So it’s selfish and mean, in my opinion, to criticize people for who they are. In my case it’s not being sensitive that I’ve experienced criticism over, it’s being organized and efficient. There are people who will take advantage of me being an organizer and planner and then turn around and criticize me when me being that way - just being me... doesn’t suit them. I suspect it’s the same with your sensitivity and that’s what makes it especially hurtful. Luckily my hubby doesn’t do this - he’s good at accepting me as I am - but I’ve experienced people who do and it’s hurtful. So I know how you feel. Don’t be hard on yourself for who you are and don’t let others be hard on you either. Make sure the people you generously share your sensitive self with appreciate you. ❤️

[Agent Misty]

All I can tell you that is supportive is that I was always told the same thing by family and friends growing up and into young adulthood. I'm too sensitive. Not mainly by men.. just.. everyone.

The worst is the defensiveness for me. Wether its tears or anger or aloofness. It's all the result of feeling misunderstood/stupid/defensive.. for me.. I'm still working on it.

To answer your question.. is it a bad thing? Well...
too much or too little of something can be bad. Life is a balancing act sometimes.

Seeing as how multiple people around you are noticing your level of sensitivity.. it would be wise to at least acknowledge and reflect on that. I often feel we get signs around us to guide us, even if it is simple cause and effect. Perhaps consider such signs regarding your sensitivity.

I'd also like to note that referring to it as sensitivity it very broad... you should look at the way you are reacting towards people more critically if you want answers or change.

[Albatross2008]

Some people are more sensitive than others, and it's OK that they are. They shouldn't be put down for it. Unfortunately, a lot of people use "you're too sensitive" as a license to bully.

[Anxiouslove]

You're not too sensitive. They're being insensitive to sensitivity. If they love you they know you. If they know you and love you and still do/say things that are hurtful to you then blame you then that's just their way to avoid responsibility for your hurt.

[sarahsweets]

@ Icedgem: Nothing pisses me off more than someone telling someone they are too sensitive or too emotional. Its completely unfair. what are you supposed to do? Shut off your feelings? I always say my tears betray me. I cry when I get mad, sad and tears of joy. I think people in my life might think its a ploy because I cry easily but its not. As far as men being more likely to say this I think it has to do with men typically being less in touch with their feelings and not wanting to express emotions. I would tell the men in your life that your feelings are expressed in certain ways you cant help and it doesnt mean they are bad or that they need to fix you. They just need to accept that it happens.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Anonymous40643

I’m very sensitive too. People can be very harsh and judgemental when it comes to people with strong sensitivities. It’s not you, it’s them being insensitive! Sensitive people need to be around those who care about people’s feelings. If your boyfriend feels like he’s walking on eggshells, he may not be the best match for you. We can’t really change how we are. How does a sensitive person become less sensitive? It’s hard. Either you let things roll off more easily, or you allow yourself your true feelings. Why does society expect us to be a “man” and take it? It’s as though we’re not allowed feelings! You can work through your upset on your own then be logical about something without it upsetting you SO much. I do sometimes have to tell myself that I’m being too sensitive or I’m taking something far too personally and to heart. But like I said, if your boyfriend cannot be compassionate and understanding around your feelings, he may not be the right match. We need other sensitive people.

Hi golden_eve, I realise this is old but I couldn't find you any other way. It is my hope you see this soon.
I read many of your replies and you come across as a knowledgeable and kind person. Therefore I have a question for you but I don't know how to PM you since you are "anonymous". Please let me know as soon as you see this so I can pose the question to you, one way or the other. Thank you!

[shakespeare47]

@Icedgem

The phrase "you're too sensitive" brings back a lot of memories of people using that on me as a form of gaslighting. They would say and do offensive things then accuse me of being "too sensitive" when I didn't respond in the way that wanted me to (and it wasn't even clear what they wanted... did they want me to join in on the harsh teasing, gaslighting and mind games?)