[Disney2019]

Is it a turn off if a man in his mid forties is still partying? I reflected on my last relationship…my ex rationalized his behavior all the time…then he would have an epiphany temporarily saying he needs to live a healthier life and he is going to have to stop hanging around certain people bla bla. Its why our relationship didn’t work out. If you cant give up your party friends, then don’t expect any woman your age to stick around. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind letting loose once in a while..i am talking once a month or 2 months…He would set all these life goals and things he wanted to do also, so it’s why I stuck around so long. But then one of his boys would come around and want to him to go to an event with him or something and that would be that. Even if no event, his friends would have to come over and hang and drink etc..I always felt like I was on the backburner. As soon as he started hanging with these friends again, it seemed to me he no longer cared about a relationship. If a guy likes being single so much, I am going to give him what he wants. I have higher standards, where I think there is a time to grow up. I definitely don’t want someone who always has to be hanging with friends all the time. I get you need boys nights, but it was way too frequent, and as far as I am concerned, if he is into me he will want to see me often.

[bpcyclist]

I personally don't see anything untoward in what you posted. When I was in my forties, even before the birth of my first child, we had boys' night once every couple of months, at most. Granted, I was a bit of a career freak. Really, I just wanted to be with my wife. We had fun together.

In my experience, most American men who are responsible, career-motivated people have left the partying in the rearview mirror by age 40. Usually, at least as far as has been the case with the people I have known, a lot earlier than that. To me, the partying thing is more an early twenties, just-out-of-college thing. If you're not in some kind of grad school, that is. Which I was.

A solid BF/partner/fiance/husband would want to be with you. You would be the priority. And that would be plain and obvious. That's how it's supposed to work and that's been my experience. This needing to hang out with the guys all the time is just kind of weird to me. And saying he needs to change this and then not changing it is either a procrastination thing or a maturity thing, neither of which is very good at his age.

Just my 2 cents. I wish you all the best. I'm sure you will find what you are looking for. There are obviously lots of eligible men in NYC. Plenty of fish in that sea. Sending you positive vibes.

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I personally don't see anything untoward in what you posted. When I was in my forties, even before the birth of my first child, we had boys' night once every couple of months, at most. Granted, I was a bit of a career freak. Really, I just wanted to be with my wife. We had fun together.

In my experience, most American men who are responsible, career-motivated people have left the partying in the rearview mirror by age 40. Usually, at least as far as has been the case with the people I have known, a lot earlier than that. To me, the partying thing is more an early twenties, just-out-of-college thing. If you're not in some kind of grad school, that is. Which I was.

A solid BF/partner/fiance/husband would want to be with you. You would be the priority. And that would be plain and obvious. That's how it's supposed to work and that's been my experience. This needing to hang out with the guys all the time is just kind of weird to me. And saying he needs to change this and then not changing it is either a procrastination thing or a maturity thing, neither of which is very good at his age.

Just my 2 cents. I wish you all the best. I'm sure you will find what you are looking for. There are obviously lots of eligible men in NYC. Plenty of fish in that sea. Sending you positive vibes.

I agree with you 110%..i amafraid I was enabling his behavior though. I should have put my foot down and keptit there. But he kept making me feellike I was being codependent. He wants all these things but yet he wants tokeep doing what he is doing expecting different results. He is still in contactwith me too…I get the same info about his life, goals, etc etc. but I don’t thinkhe can ever deliver. You are right that career minded person doesn’t need toparty like that. They like to travel, dine out, and have other interests andhobbies that don’t revolve around their buddies. But only he can figure it out,I had to stop enabling it and acting like its ok.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Much depends on what you mean by "partying". Getting together with friends, having a few beers and watching the football game is pretty harmless. Falling down drunk kind of partying would not be okay (and is more about the falling down drunk issue than the friends as far as I'm concerned).

Let's assume the partying is more of the first type. Why is that such a problem? It's good to have other friends and interests than just your marriage/spouse/kids, etc. I think it's fairly common for adults to have get togethers with friends on sort of a traditional basis, even after marriage. I have female friends I go out with fairly regularly (once a month or so) to an event or for dinner. It's healthy. Marriage can't just be about the relationship and the kids; you are still individuals and that individuality has to be maintained or the relationship can start burning out.

But if it is wild, drunken, juvenile type of partying, no, that wouldn't fly with me. Again, that's more about the behaviors than the friends.

[princesscookie19]

My Ex Bf is over 40yrs old and still plays final fantasy and last time I met up with him for lunch -he said he didnt have the money . Plus he doesnt wear any underwear and is seriously over weight. At the halloween party he complained that I didnt talk to him enough,I told him that his mask made me afaird and he never took it off for the whole party.

That sucks.Hope you feel better x

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Much depends on what you mean by "partying". Getting together with friends, having a few beers and watching the football game is pretty harmless. Falling down drunk kind of partying would not be okay (and is more about the falling down drunk issue than the friends as far as I'm concerned).

Let's assume the partying is more of the first type. Why is that such a problem? It's good to have other friends and interests than just your marriage/spouse/kids, etc. I think it's fairly common for adults to have get togethers with friends on sort of a traditional basis, even after marriage. I have female friends I go out with fairly regularly (once a month or so) to an event or for dinner. It's healthy. Marriage can't just be about the relationship and the kids; you are still individuals and that individuality has to be maintained or the relationship can start burning out.

But if it is wild, drunken, juvenile type of partying, no, that wouldn't fly with me. Again, that's more about the behaviors than the friends.

No, not the first type. If it was that, I wouldn’t mind at all

[s4ndm4n2006]

I think generalizing that a man that parties at 30, 40 or any other age is [insert stereotype here] and that they can't expect a woman to stick around that's their age, kind of is thinking too much as if your view, your values etc are shared globally about such things. The way to think of it is this. There is truth in the statement that any man or woman that at any point of their life is a person who likes to party, is connected with someone not into it, it's not going to work out. period. has nothing to do with age whatsoever. there is no requirement that at age 40 one should have stopped partying any more than it is a rrequirement at 20 that someone should be partying. I've never been one into such things at any age. I've been to a few but never been a regular partyer. so I never have wanted a woman that was to go out partying every weekend at all. not appealing to me

At this point of your life you happen to have outgrown it, but just find some guy that isn't into it - whether he's outgrown it or never has (partied) and you'll be happy with that aspect of the relationship.

I just actually think assigning a level of maturity or set of values to a certain age will always mislead you.

[divine1966]

My husband and I have very demanding jobs so honestly we are too tired to party. Plus not our life style. We prefer other types of entertainment

But other people like to party. I really don’t think it’s bad if they like it. Nothing to do with age. More of a life style

If you don’t like guys who party then don’t date men like that. I personaly don’t like drinkers so if by partying you mean drinking then it’s personal preference. Ton of people like to drink though. Its not my problem

I honestly don’t see a problem if a single guy not in
a committed relationship wants to party. If he neglects young children or commits crimes while at the party, it’s an issue. But if he just has a good time, then who cares.

I’d not marry a man of this kind of life style but it didn’t sound like you two were on a path to serious commitment. I think people are free to do whatever. You don’t have to date them though. Date people who share your life style.

You are dating a party guy but are upset he likes to party. That’s who he is. What you see is what you get.

[divine1966]

I don’t believe you enabled him unless you supplied him with party money. Guy likes to party. So he parties. Partied before you and parties while dating you and will party after you. You didn’t cause it.

If you feel that you need to put your foot down to get the guy make you a priority, I don’t think you’ll be successful in a relationship. You can’t force it.