[Jellyfish18]

Hello. I have an important question today. You may be an older adult, in that case please tell me what you did in this case, or if you have children/know people in their twenties or thirties, you can tell me what they do. Please keep in mind I am asking more about single people.

This is concerning me.

When you are still in school or at university, you are "automatically" part of a large group of people your age. You see them every day so socialising is inevitable. Even if you are introverted or not open, you can count on guaranteed interaction and you are doing something useful.
Once you finish university, where do most people get these "consistent" interactions? Where and how do they meet the majority of new people? And how and where do they consistently interact with people their own age? (You can think outside of the box, too.)

You may say work. What about people who don't have a consistent job or are temporarily jobless? What about small firms with most coworkers twice your age, or places people just come to do their work with little socialising?
I hear from people few do their primary socialising at work. The other thing is, some don't even go to voluntary classes or do volunteering, so where do they get reliable interactions?


I find it concerning after university, there seems to be no obligatory thing to attend where you automatically meet people around your age. It seems that after work, if you live on your own you would spend most of your free time alone. It does not seem most people feel very isolated, though, or that they are on their own a lot. So what do they do?

Also when meeting with friends, what do they usually do together? Just drinks daily would start to get boring, how do they find a way to socialise weekly or more often without it being based around talking? You probably only have so many news to tell someone, or topics to discuss? Just a question.
Another thing is, some people do not stay in touch with friends from school or university for different reasons (e.g. because of moving away), so again, how and where do they become part of a group of friends or how can they consistently meet new/larger groups of people?
It does not seem that people after university are automatically lonelier or less connected? (So where would you meet new people?)


Thank you for your advice. This is concerning me and there are only so many places to ask.

[lizardlady]

Good for you for looking ahead about this. I'm facing something similar at the other end of life. I hope to retire this year and am concerned about becoming isolated when I do.

I'm looking for places where I can volunteer. Have you considered volunteering?
What kind of interests do you have? How about exploring clubs/groups with similar interests? You could check out MeetUp for things in your area.

Good luck to you. And congratulations for being proactive about this.

[divine1966]

Church (or mosque or synagogue), community enrichment classes, gym, keep in touch with old friends and join their groups of friends, work, neighbors and neighborhood activity, hobby and craft groups, sport clubs, volunteering, meetup groups or other social clubs that you originally find online

My daughter is in her early 30s. She mostly maintains life long friendships even though she moved around. Her friends and groups of friends are from: high school, her undergrad program, from grad school, from every work place she had, synagogue youth group, friends of friends,, art classes she took led to friendships, volunteering, former neighbor, former roommates and housemates etc

Things they do: swimming, park, work out, yoga, biking, eat out, movies, plays, theaters, concerts, festivals, take classes together, pursue hobbies together, travel, shop, get together in each other houses.

I am in my 50s and hang out with my group of girlfriends every other week, we never get bored. No I don’t recommend daily or any regular drinking. You don’t have to drink to maintain friendships

[downandlonely]

I moved to a new city right after grad school where I didn't know anyone. I joined meetup and met people that way. I also joined a church and got involved with the young adults group. Those are things you might try. In addition, I volunteer teaching English as a Second Language to adults, and I have met some people through that.

[~Christina]

Of course having friends and activities are important no one should become a hermit but I also think it’s a good idea to learn to be content with yourself, be alone with yourself.

I’m not sure of your future plans but many people find a mate, have children, settle into a typical family with all the responsibilities it brings... trust me then you’d often offer up a limb for one hour of peace and quiet to do what you want.

You’ll be at work all day and sure somedays it would be great to meet up with friends for dinner .... but there’s also time when you just want to grab take out , go home and I dunno play video games or just get lost in TV or binge a show you like.

Everything needs to be balanced as much as possible.

I think what your generation has that of course mine didnt is social media, I’m 52... I lost contact with most people I went to school with. You will be able to maintain relationships with people while meeting new people when your off in the world starting your adult life.

[bpcyclist]

My advice is to invest time in those relationships that offer significant meaning to you and not to waste time on those superficial partyish activities that are so incredibly common for people in their early/mid-twenties. You won't even remember their names in 20 years, but you will remember the people that had real meaning to you.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I was honestly much more isolated in college than I have ever been since graduating and getting out into the real world.

I have always been a member of a church, so there is a natural connection to others regularly there: in service, in classes, in small groups, in choir. It is more than just going to services on Sunday; many opportunities exist for community service and other activities. Church isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it has been my primary connection to a group and I have developed many long-term friendships there.

I also connect with my major interest: music. I am a member of a large musical organization that meets regularly, performs together, socializes, and travels together.

Life is as isolating as you make it. If you only stay at home and go to work, yes, you may end up very isolated. However, if you find interest groups to join that meet with some regularity, you will find you will branch out. They can come in many forms. I know one person who volunteers with a dog rescue organization. They dog-sit each other's dogs, go to community information activities, socialize with each other while socializing their dogs. Another person I know meets early every morning with a group that works out together and they have developed close friendships over time. Another decided to learn to dance and joined a group that meets to go to clubs where they dance probably a couple times a month.

You have to find your niche. Better yet, niches.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I was honestly much more isolated in college than I have ever been since graduating and getting out into the real world.

I have always been a member of a church, so there is a natural connection to others regularly there: in service, in classes, in small groups, in choir. It is more than just going to services on Sunday; many opportunities exist for community service and other activities. Church isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it has been my primary connection to a group and I have developed many long-term friendships there.

I also connect with my major interest: music. I am a member of a large musical organization that meets regularly, performs together, socializes, and travels together.

Life is as isolating as you make it. If you only stay at home and go to work, yes, you may end up very isolated. However, if you find interest groups to join that meet with some regularity, you will find you will branch out. They can come in many forms. I know one person who volunteers with a dog rescue organization. They dog-sit each other's dogs, go to community information activities, socialize with each other while socializing their dogs. Another person I know meets early every morning with a group that works out together and they have developed close friendships over time. Another decided to learn to dance and joined a group that meets to go to clubs where they dance probably a couple times a month.

You have to find your niche. Better yet, niches.

Thank you for thoughts.

Your groups sound nice. What kind of musical organisation is this? I am also into music and may look into it, but I have to know where to look.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

Thank you for thoughts.

Your groups sound nice. What kind of musical organisation is this? I am also into music and may look into it, but I have to know where to look.

A major symphony chorus in a large city. Not necessarily accessible to everyone (requires auditions, etc). Many towns have civic bands, orchestras, and choirs that are very much volunteer and great fun.

[InsomniaViaHaldol]

Growing up, I was very involved with church and youth group - until I went to college. I had so much fun and had so many friends I failed out after my first year.

I enlisted in the Army and had a ton of friends there. Then I was discharged. I got into drugs and had a lot of friends through that - friends you would not even talk to if you weren't in that horrible lifestyle.

I have lost contact with all my childhood friends and now have none.

I am a painter and recently got on instagram to show my art. Someone with an art studio that does therapy art sessions had contacted me awhile ago to meet up. I am meeting with them next week. Hopefully I can network and meet some other artists. I was in a gallery show recently and a lot of the artists seemed like they knew each other. I am hoping getting into more shows will get me more exposure and maybe meet a couple people.

My wife and I just started going to a universalist church. The people seemed to be really inclusive after the service and tried to take us back to the coffee meet up. We are still apprehensive about getting involved - we are just dipping our toes in the water.

The problem is my wife is looking for a new job and we are most likely moving to another city, so all of this seems a bit like a waste of time, but those are the places I have made/attempted to make friends. I don't know if that helps.

I will say one thing though - in college, professors are paid to pay attention to you and classmates are all in the same vicinity and situation, after college everyone goes their own way. It can seem very alienating, so I feel your struggle. Hopefully some of the ideas above will help you. Or maybe some of my insight. Don't know.