[Aviza]

She always expects me to spend my free time with her. I told her I would be over Thursday afternoon, I had a lunch date. She bugs me to give her an exact time, for which I was 20 minutes late for than bugs me about being late.

Like we have somewhere to be, I'm over to hang out and do laundry. She doesn't like me dating and wants to control who I date even still. I'm just frustrated, as if it matters. He has a job to get to she has me coming over to look forward to. But she hates this guy because he's older, he's taking away time from her. And frankly she needs a life besides me.

I've been making time for her, my usual relaxation time between group and work I went to lunch with her yesterday. It's not like she's not seeing me. But still, she's maddening. She never gets enough time. I miss the dog more than her.

[divine1966]

She sounds like my dad. Nothing is good enough. Maybe they should date each other. I hear you. So aggravating

[Vanaheimr]

Obviously too much pressure may engender the explosion, if you got pissed off by your mother's behavior I say that this is a natural psychological reaction, you need space and time to deal with your stuff, with community outside, and everything,
But please don't go too far! Don't let yourself gets drifted away by your reaction, u may tell your mom words could hurt her and make her bleeding inside in silence,
Try to explain to her that your are grown, and that you are doing your best to reconcile between her and your schedule,
Try to approach to her to make sure that she doesn't suffer from any health issue or mental one,
May be she has problems!
Some mothers they said that the only thing that they regret in life is that tmore have kids, they steal time from them! Kids they deny them from so much fun in life! They even wished death to their kids!!
Some mother's they sacrificed all their life all their beauty to raise their kids, and they feel jealous when their kids spend more time with something or someone...
Don't say that you miss your dog more than her,
Be a good reason for her smile, make her always shining, choose always your last words with her, some meetings could be the last ones,
Remember always that the only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs, and remember that the things you take for granted, someone else is desperately praying for!

[brokenlosttired]

hey love,
im not here to agree with your mom but i remeber when i was you.
i hated it when my dad alwasy buged me about coming over and tring to control me and who i was with.
i was so angry and now that hes gone i hate myself for it.
your mom seems overly controlling but if you could answer a few questions for me i may be able to help

1. moms age
2.where is your dad in the situation?
3. do you live at home?
4.how old is the guy you are dating?
5.how old are you?
6. is there anything stressful particulalrly in her life right now?

if you could answer these i will be a ble to help you!
much love!!
-brokenlosttired

[brokenlosttired]

@Aviza
forgot to at you

[~Christina]

Maybe do not talk to her about anyone your dating across the board. You do not have to share that part of your personal life with your mom.

You need to learn boundaries, I know this has been a struggle for you in the past ... do you see a T that can really explain how to make boundaries and to keep them up. You simply do not have to spend all your days off with her no matter what guilt she may throw your way. You are an adult.

If you feel you must find an excuse you can try a few below...

If your 20 mins late you can pass it off as “ sorry, I had to use the bathroom “ or “ as I was headed over I remembered I had to grab a couple things from the store, I had a friend that always had a bag of some canned goods in her truck in case her mom or dad got panties in a twist , she had troubles with boundaries.

Maybe to make her feel a bit special so she knows you love her.... so your off on days X and Z call her days before and tell her you’d like to have a shared meal as in you cook X item she cook something else. At least that way you can visit and have something to do together but also you can after a while say , well let’s get this stuff cleaned up I have somethings I need to finish at home today.

Boundaries are very hard but once they are in place life sure gets easier

[Aviza]

Originally Posted by brokenlosttired

hey love,
im not here to agree with your mom but i remeber when i was you.
i hated it when my dad alwasy buged me about coming over and tring to control me and who i was with.
i was so angry and now that hes gone i hate myself for it.
your mom seems overly controlling but if you could answer a few questions for me i may be able to help

1. moms age
2.where is your dad in the situation?
3. do you live at home?
4.how old is the guy you are dating?
5.how old are you?
6. is there anything stressful particulalrly in her life right now?

if you could answer these i will be a ble to help you!
much love!!
-brokenlosttired

1. Mom is 70
2. Dad died in 2005, 2nd husband died 2018.
3. No in an apt.
4. 57
5. 45
6. Money always a stressor for her.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Aviza

She always expects me to spend my free time with her. I told her I would be over Thursday afternoon, I had a lunch date. She bugs me to give her an exact time, for which I was 20 minutes late for than bugs me about being late.

Like we have somewhere to be, I'm over to hang out and do laundry. She doesn't like me dating and wants to control who I date even still. I'm just frustrated, as if it matters. He has a job to get to she has me coming over to look forward to. But she hates this guy because he's older, he's taking away time from her. And frankly she needs a life besides me.

I've been making time for her, my usual relaxation time between group and work I went to lunch with her yesterday. It's not like she's not seeing me. But still, she's maddening. She never gets enough time. I miss the dog more than her.

Tell her that if she continues to treat you by trying to controls your life then you won't be coming over to see her because your tired of the harassment.

[brokenlosttired]

hey love its me again.
i did not want to reply without deep though since your mom is a little older it is expected for her to become lonely expecialy with the deaths ( i am deeply sorry for your loss) also because you do not live with her. i assume she is living alone. mabey think about setting her up a dating site so she has something to do. the age difference is not that much but think about it from her prospective. he is 57 you are 45 if you think about it he would be 12 when you are an infant. but like christina said dont talk to her unless she brings it up
im not assuming that you have alot of money but because it is a stress you might want to think about helping with that or mabey a home. this is just my thoughts i hope they dont offend you

much much love!!
brokenlosttired
P.S plese pm me if needed or if you are bored or anything im here for you love!!!

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with your parents.

[brokenlosttired]

@Aviza
forgot to @ u again