 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Nov 01, 2019, 08:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hello, I hope all is well with you
 I've been in my relationship for some time now. It's had a lot of ups and downs. The affection is great - passionate and intimate - except, there's one thing missing. The sex!! That is because I'm not comfortable having sex with him. At all. It's not something I want to do unless I feel pressured then I will become curious, though in hindsight these feelings are not right. But my boyfriend really wants sex. Really, really, really wants sex.. I really don't. Not with him. But everything else is going well!! We work around not having sex and our alternatives are enough to keep us both satisfied.. But for how long?? I'm worried about the obvious. What would others Do?? I'm not at all sure what to do or what to think Last edited by eclairparty98; Nov 01, 2019 at 08:41 PM. |
 Bill3, bpcyclist, MickeyCheeky
|
 MickeyCheeky
|
|
#2
Nov 01, 2019, 10:29 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
How old are you? When I hit menopause, my sex drive really dropped.
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
|
#3
Nov 01, 2019, 11:27 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
What is wrong with sex with him?
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
|
#4
Nov 02, 2019, 12:02 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Their is no obligation you have to meet his urges for sex if you don’t feel comfortable with him. If he loves and respects you he would want you to be comfortable and at ease. Feeling you have to do something is not love.
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| eclairparty98, lizardlady, shelda
|
|
#5
Nov 02, 2019, 03:43 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| bpcyclist
|
| shelda
|
|
#6
Nov 02, 2019, 03:46 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| Bill3, bpcyclist
|
| Bill3
|
|
#7
Nov 02, 2019, 07:04 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
When you say that he really, really, really wants sex, and that he has a history of being a bully, and that he has been insensitive about sex, it makes me wonder if he is trying to bully you into having sex with him.
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| eclairparty98, lizardlady, shelda
|
|
#8
Nov 02, 2019, 07:57 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Healthy relationship should not have ups and down. Dating cruel bullies who emotionally mistreat you might not be the best idea. Sex is the least of the problems in this relationship. Not sure why you are dating this man?
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| Bill3, bpcyclist, eclairparty98, shelda, winter4me
|
|
#9
Nov 02, 2019, 08:54 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
divine 1966 is right.
if he is cruel and a bully nothing is "great" or OK. and if you give in to him you will regret it, sounds like he just wants to control...and if you give in, don't be surprised if he vanishes... you may be flattered by the 'attention' but it is not OK or healthy, or safe. (?STDs?cruelty?)
__________________
"...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| Bill3, eclairparty98
|
|
#10
Nov 02, 2019, 09:30 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
You see him as a friend? There have been men I just could not ever have sex with...never mind kiss.I think you are not ready for sex and i think your boyfriend should lay off. If he does not then what kind of friend is he?
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| Bill3, eclairparty98
|
|
#11
Nov 02, 2019, 12:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
If he really loves you for who you are, just the way you are, he will be happy to wait. No pressure. But if he is a bully, why are you even with him? Do you not think you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect? Because you do. Everyone does. I guess I'm just really wondering if you are with the right guy.
__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
| eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
| Bill3, ChrizBolez, eclairparty98, lizardlady, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#12
Nov 05, 2019, 03:23 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hiya Bill3, I've been wondering the same thing for quite some time now.
 bullying is not working otherwise his evil plan would've already worked so at least there's that! Upsides, upsides  puzzlemaker13, you're right!! There is no warmth, kindness or love in pushing or bullying anyone into doing things they're not comfortable to do especially regarding sex. I no longer feel obligated to meet his urges. Divine1966, thank you for you divine insight you're right, this relationship may not be the best idea, I am gradually realising. winter4me you are also right, thank you for sharing - I won't be giving in any time soon.shelda , I thought I saw him as a boyfriend, something special. It's not worked out that way bpcyclist thank you for your lovely words we all should be treated with love and dignity and respect, you're right.Thank you all for your replies and your support it means so much to me at this time I hope you're all well and having a lovely week
|
| Bill3, bpcyclist, MickeyCheeky, Purple,Violet,Blue, Puzzlemaker13
|
| Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Puzzlemaker13
|
|
#13
Nov 05, 2019, 06:03 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
When he was rude and disrespectful because he waited 20 minutes for you after not texting you that he had arrived, you said that you would see if he would learn and do better; if not, you couldn’t continue seeing him.
It sounds like he has not learned. Maybe you would benefit from having someone to help you stick to you words?
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
| eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#14
Nov 06, 2019, 03:25 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 well.. that is true, I did say that. I'm calling a relationship support charity today provided by my therapist so I'm hoping that'll help  thank you again, Bill3, your support means a lot to me I hope you're having a great week
|
| Bill3, MickeyCheeky
|
| Bill3, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#15
Nov 06, 2019, 09:52 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Relationship support charity sounds good! What are the pluses and minuses of staying with him? What are the pluses and minuses of leaving him? |
| eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
| eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#16
Nov 06, 2019, 11:20 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I must agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. I don't think he's treating you right based on what you wrote. I'd suggest either Couple Counselling if he wants to go or to just leave him entirely. You're still young and you have plenty of experiences that you can make! You have to have sex when you feel comfortable doing so, ESPECIALLY if it's your first time! So please, definitely stand up for yourself because YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @eclairparty98, your Family, your Friends, your Boyfriend and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok?
 Treat yourself with KINDNESS and RESPECT! :love  .throb: 
|
| Bill3, eclairparty98
|
| Bill3, eclairparty98
|
|
#17
Nov 07, 2019, 09:36 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
| eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
| Bill3, eclairparty98, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#18
Nov 07, 2019, 02:25 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| eclairparty98
|
| eclairparty98, John25
|
|
#19
Nov 07, 2019, 05:42 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 the call went really well!! I'm sure further communication with this charity will bring me lots of closure and make it easier to leave if that's what would be best Pros of staying - cuddles.. innocent affection like that, nothing too wild like sex  and I've grown an attachment to him, it's not that I'm in love but I'm used to his company now, you know? Stopping that would feel really strange.. I've been with him so long, I have feelings for him, as careless and insensitive as he can be to them Leaving.. I'd be free of the anxiety, insecurity, stress, and sadness , all of which being a result of this relationship , once I've learned to combat these emotions.. Hopefully leaving will introduce me to a happier, brighter, promising alternative to being with him OTHERWISE why not stay?? You know |
| Bill3
|
| Bill3
|
|
#20
Nov 07, 2019, 05:46 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
they mean a lot to me as do all of the wise thoughtful posts and support from everyone else you rock i hope you've had a lovely week , happy Friday for tomorrow !!
|
|
#21
Nov 07, 2019, 05:52 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
LonelyMan and s4ndm4n2006, I think I'm afraid of the uncertainty which will follow breaking up with him
and although he has been horrible toward me at times, so much so that I'll need cuddling to feel better and him being my boyfriend, he's the one I'll get the cuddles from .. it feels more complicated than it probably is
|
| Bill3, bpcyclist
|
|
#22
Jan 27, 2020, 11:14 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hi eclairparty98
,How are things going now for you?
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| eclairparty98
|
|
#23
Jan 29, 2020, 02:54 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
| bpcyclist, eclairparty98
|
| eclairparty98, s4ndm4n2006
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
