WTF?? Flipped roles messing with me.

With my wife for over 15 years now.

I've chased her and pursued her for that whole time. I've always been extremely attracted to her and still am.

She's always held back, and held me off from intimacy. In the past year we've been through a LOT of highs and lows, and I'm still there, chasing her, trying to date her, sticking with her, and trying to equally share the burden of home and children... Honestly, more than equally due to health issues she deals with.

Three weeks ago I spill all my anxieties to her. That I pursue her so much because I have always felt insecure, like she was out of my league since the beginning.

She tells me the same. Tells me it got way worse after kids, after illness, and after job loss.

I tell her I really want her to feel secure, that she deserves to have that, and to never feel vulnerable if she asks for non-sexual close time together, because I want to be there.

Holy moley.... She's been a very eager girl the last few weeks. Eager for intimacy any time her health allows and the kids are occupied.

Got 10 minutes? Let's go. NOW! Lock the door.

I have no physical issues, but this change in roles is catching me off guard. I've never been on the receiving end before. I'm actually scared on a regular basis that I won't be able to perform now... And lack of confidence is the surest way to not perform. The day I can't, I know it will really hurt her. She's making herself newly vulnerable. I want this to work for both of us. She's a really good woman, and I'm really attracted to her. I want this to work.

Any help with framing my thinking and getting my head right on this one would be appreciated.

RDM

Take a moment to realize how you feel now is how your partner felt for the past 15 years. I'd consider couples counseling.

I think she'd feel good to know you're terrified of hurting her feelings.

And, BTW, not being able to perform is not that big a deal, honestly.

Yeah... That's not accurate, and doesn't help at all.

I said I pursued and dated her.

This is unbridled eagerness that she's never felt OK to let free before.

Couples counselling.... That will only take months....

In the mean time, if she feels rejected it will hurt her.

And you actually completely missed the point that she's feeling like this because we had a breakthrough moment that changed her perspective and feeling about herself and about our relationship, and I'm trying to keep it. It's a positive thing to feel secure and wanted.

If you just showed up to say "SEE! That's what it's like!" then don't comment.

I guess I am just confused. So, was she withholding sex for years? Did I get that wrong?