[Have Hope]

This is one of my all time biggest pet peeves. Passive aggressiveness.

I personally am one to confront an issue directly with an individual and deal with the conflict head on in order to work it through.

Therefore, it is that much more aggravating and maddening for me to deal with those who handle conflict passive aggressively through back handed, back stabbing indirect jabs and the like.

Why not just deal with the person directly?

And honestly, if it's meant to hurt and/or antagonize the person, that's just plain downright malicious and maladaptive behavior.

"Instead of getting visibly angry, some people express their hostility in passive-aggressive ways designed to hurt and confuse their target."

Passive-Aggression | Psychology Today

I am getting a lot of this lately, and honestly, I am beyond fed up with it. I want to slog the person doing it.

It's not healthy behavior. It's toxic behavior.

Anyone else deal with this?

[Yaowen]

Passive-aggressive behavior can be so upsetting.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

Passive-aggressive behavior can be so upsetting.

Yes, it certainly can be.

[ARaven0137]

I'm so sorry you're going through that. I admit that passive-aggression is one of my worst traits. But I have to caveat that by saying I am very direct at first, but only get that way as plan b when someone is bulls right through my attempts at a direct solution and only towards people who are being overly aggressive towards me. One example was I was asked to submit a meaningless and redundant report by an entity I'd never heard of. I explained, in detail, that the report had already been completed very thoroughly by another entity, but I was steamrolled into doing it. I generated a concise, 12 page report, detailing the important issues, using the other report as a guide. I was chewed out for not including "everything." So, I threw in everything, every email, every sub report, every casual correspondence. I took out paragraph headers and chapter titles and created three page runon sentences for 174 pages of drivel. I sent them frequent emails requesting feedback on page 118, line 29 or such. I never heard from them again.

But, I always start out to be direct and helpful.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by ARaven0137

I'm so sorry you're going through that. I admit that passive-aggression is one of my worst traits. But I have to caveat that by saying I am very direct at first, but only get that way as plan b when someone is bulls right through my attempts at a direct solution and only towards people who are being overly aggressive towards me. One example was I was asked to submit a meaningless and redundant report by an entity I'd never heard of. I explained, in detail, that the report had already been completed very thoroughly by another entity, but I was steamrolled into doing it. I generated a concise, 12 page report, detailing the important issues, using the other report as a guide. I was chewed out for not including "everything." So, I threw in everything, every email, every sub report, every casual correspondence. I took out paragraph headers and chapter titles and created three page runon sentences for 174 pages of drivel. I sent them frequent emails requesting feedback on page 118, line 29 or such. I never heard from them again.

But, I always start out to be direct and helpful.

LOL! I'd say that's actually pretty direct. You gave them exactly what they asked for! Or what they chewed you out for not providing. Which I would have done too if I had been in your shoes! LOL.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

In your case, it's hard to tell (for me) if that was truly passive aggressive. Usually passive aggressive is very indirect. And in this situation, you simply just gave them what they said was missing, and then some, lol.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree
sometimes someone may behave in a p/a way unintentionally....
if so, this would usually be temporary...

Those who use this behaviour in a habitual, calculated manner....

Make it hard for me to respect them

respectful regards to All Sentient Beings

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree
sometimes someone may behave in a p/a way unintentionally....
if so, this would usually be temporary...

Those who use this behaviour in a habitual, calculated manner....

Make it hard for me to respect them

respectful regards to All Sentient Beings

Thanks, @Fuzzybear

Yes, some do this unintentionally. And some do it intentionally. I get annoyed by both instances, but even angrier and more aggravated when it's intentional and repetitive, which is more so what I am referring to in my own personal experience. At least lately. Grrr grrrr.

[MickeyCheeky]

I also find Passive-Aggressiveness REALLY annoying, @Have Hope! If someone disliked me, I'd much rather prefer them to tell me that in my face, directly, but otherwise it's just annoying and NOT productive at all! I feel like it is often easier to behave like this rather than confront people directly. Luckily, I have rarely experienced this kind of behavior myself, but whn it DOES happen, it is SO annoying! I am so sorry for whoever has to deal with it one way or another. I COMPLETELY agree with all of the other wise and wonderful Posters! It is nice we can all agree on this! I also COMPLETELY agree that it often isn't intentional, although it can still be annoying. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, ALL of your Family, ALL of your Friends, EVERYONE and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS?! :yourock.

[Bill3]

Luckily, I have rarely experienced this kind of behavior myself

Aw Mickey Cheeky that's because you are so likable!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I also find Passive-Aggressiveness REALLY annoying, @Have Hope! If someone disliked me, I'd much rather prefer them to tell me that in my face, directly, but otherwise it's just annoying and NOT productive at all! I feel like it is often easier to behave like this rather than confront people directly. Luckily, I have rarely experienced this kind of behavior myself, but whn it DOES happen, it is SO annoying! I am so sorry for whoever has to deal with it one way or another. I COMPLETELY agree with all of the other wise and wonderful Posters! It is nice we can all agree on this! I also COMPLETELY agree that it often isn't intentional, although it can still be annoying. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, ALL of your Family, ALL of your Friends, EVERYONE and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS?! :yourock.

Aww, thanks, Mickey! Very sweet of you!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Aw Mickey Cheeky that's because you are so likable!

@Bill3, does that imply that I am NOT likable, because I am on the receiving end of this kind of behavior?

[Bill3]

No it doesn't.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bill3

No it doesn't.

Thank you.. Though I suppose if I really think about it, I've reached an age where I don't care if people like me or not. To each their own. I may rub some people the wrong way, and that's Ok. In the end, I have a heart of gold, but that may not be easily seen.

[continuosly blue]

Passive aggressiveness is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
The refusal to communicate. To me , this is a very devious form of behavior.
It’s very calculated. The refusal to discuss important issues. Simply put , these people seem to lack the ability to be truthful and trustworthy. Everything is a secret. Outright lies. Acting like they don’t care about your feelings whatsoever.
It’s a form of psychological warfare. I’m at a point in my life where I’m tired of playing games. I intend to start looking out for myself and stop wasting my time trying to figure out what the other person is NOT saying !
Best to all....

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

Passive aggressiveness is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
The refusal to communicate. To me , this is a very devious form of behavior.
It’s very calculated. The refusal to discuss important issues. Simply put , these people seem to lack the ability to be truthful and trustworthy. Everything is a secret. Outright lies. Acting like they don’t care about your feelings whatsoever.
It’s a form of psychological warfare. I’m at a point in my life where I’m tired of playing games. I intend to start looking out for myself and stop wasting my time trying to figure out what the other person is NOT saying !
Best to all....

I'm so sorry. That must be completely maddening for you. I understand because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of it. Refusing to communicate breaks down a relationship.

Yes, passive aggressive behavior can be quite devious when done deliberately. And it is quite toxic in that case.

Yes, take care of yourself and what you need foremost. Always look out for #1. Hugs to you.

[sarahsweets]

Passive aggressive behavior is the cowards' way of dealing with people.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Passive aggressive behavior is the cowards' way of dealing with people.

Thanks, Sarah! Agreed!

[giddykitty]

Huh! I thought I was logged in but apparently was not! Anyway,

For some reason, my Dad has picked up this behavior over recent years and I don't like it. Very childish. But luckily, I don't seem to have to deal with people who do this much these days. In fact, I am probably the one who will do it on occasion. But feel free to call me out on it if I ever do it here! I do it to my husband sometimes just because I'm frustrated and in a particularly bad mood. I know it's wrong but in that moment, well, I just really do want to hurt him and can't think of any other safer way. He's often not even phased by me, but if he is, I'll apologize for it...actually, this is making me self reflect right now. Maybe I don't always apologize or maybe I'm the one who doesn't validate his feelings sometimes (thinking of something else that went down, not a passive aggressive thing. A direct thing)...then again, I think his reaction was just him manipulating me again making me feel guilty for having my feelings. Yeah, I take it back. I said what I said not to hurt him but because I was really trying to be honest with him about what bothered me. *deep breath* We all too often have a hard time understanding one another, but I feel I'm often more misunderstood because i consider myself fairly understanding and the fact that he seems less so or is just incapable of understanding me just sems plain unfair.

Sorry for going off on a tangent like that, but these threads like this really get me thinking! I think that can be a good thing! ...as long as I don't dwell on things, like the fact that this situation is unfair or life is unfair and I just get depressed by it. That would not be good.

Anyhoo! Well, I guess maybe i stayed on topic...if just from the title. I'm sorry, but I forgot all of the OP since I read it yesterday but was out of time to comment then. Heh!

Sending peace and calming vibes to all of you out there reading this!