Difficult people get under my skin

Thanks so much for this. It helps me to see things from the other shoes/other side.

I suppose we're only ready to see what we're capable of seeing or admitting to at any particular time.

When I was in school for counseling, they taught us as budding therapists to only work with wherever your client is mentally and emotionally at the time. Meaning, don't push your client to a place they're not yet ready to go. I had forgotten about this most golden advice from my education in the mental field, but I think it's spot on.

And yes, perhaps one day she will appreciate where I was coming from and will realize that it was from a caring place of only wanting to help her.

You’re very welcome.
Yes, I’m convinced that your acquaintance will recognised if (s)he ever is ready to see, especially because I can’t say it for sure, but for the way you express yourself here, you likely were very cautious and kind when talking with her. This is also very important.

I love the buddhist principles. The way they have to understand what’s going on. Without religious connotations. I’m not religious.

Aww, thanks!

I do try to be cautious with my wording so that my caring comes across, but I also am aware that I can be very straight forward and sometimes very blunt in my communications online, and all tonality is lost as are facial expressions.

If she had seen my face and body language through the screen, she would have known that I was actually giving her many big hugs that would have shown my compassion and caring for her.

But I do need to remember that all of that gets lost through online communications. Sometimes I forget this reality, so I'm going to try to be more aware. This conversation is in fact very helpful, because I am seeing where and how I can improve myself as well.

And this acquaintance may never be ready to see what she does that blocks her own progress. I've seen her online on that site since, and she's still very defensive, which speaks to her fragility I do believe. She came across to me as extremely fragile and sensitive. Nothing wrong with that, but she needed to be handled with with very gentle caring, you know? Blunt honesty wasn't going to work for her.

I love Buddhist principles as well. Life is suffering. And I do believe that to be true! My beliefs are a mixture of religions... I take the best from each and created my own religious belief system. LOL.

It’s fine. I think religions had a purpose and it’s a good idea to take the best of them.
As long as you don’t want to create a new sect, it’s ok. lol!

I know what you say. It happens to me the same. I’m not used to using emoticons and I’m not sure why if it’s because of my personality, my own mother tongue and culture but I tend to be very direct. And I have been said many times that I sound angry. When I’m just the opposite. But, this is the image I sometimes portrait online. Of course, when people know me better and they can listen to my voice, they change their opinions.

Some people behave in a difficult manner because they don’t know any better and perhaps aren’t in a right state of mind. It doesn’t excuse bad behaviors but it explains some of it. Some people also think poorly of themselves and feel inadequate and it makes them feel better if they act like they know everything better. It’s them. It’s not you.

Very true!
A friend of mine used to say, bad are the behaviours, not the person.
I love this phrase.
But, of course, you are not gonna take responsibility for the mood or behaviours of others.
One thing is to try to give an explanation and another is blaming yourself. Enough we have already, all of us, with our own ghosts.

Very true!

I ran across another very difficult personality not too long who completely tried to turn the tables on me, accusing me of being a certain way when I called her out, and when in fact, she was the one guilty of being exactly what she accused me of. She tried to turn it all around to make herself the victim and innocent. She's in victim mode, whereby everything is someone else's fault, and certainly NOT her own. NOT the kind of acquaintance I need or want in my social circle.

As I have observed her interacting with others, I notice now how completely TOXIC she is. She is very passive aggressive, she is surly and rude, and she is flat out just a NASTY NASTY person. I regret ever befriending her and thinking otherwise of her because she adopts a facade of niceness, yet underneath it she's a prickly bush with thorns who claims all sort of victimhood. Poor me, poor me, and yet she blames, accuses and points fingers. I'm not the only one who has been pricked by her thorns, I've observed. There's been many, and she's created many enemies as a result. She is most toxic and is a BIG B. Just NASTY and someone I never wish to associate with ever again, if it can be helped.

Oh my, one of those... this person sounds like a peach lol “poor me” “everyone did me wrong, I am a victim” kind. I don’t mind helping if they want to get out of a rot, i help all kind of people. But they usually don’t want to become better people. They don’t want help, it requires work

Ooh yes... and this particular woman claims to be about personal development and self reflection, when she is nowhere near any of that.

It's most sad, really. And yes, she plays the victim role very well! But I see through it all. Very sad, very pathetic.

So the difficult personality type I am speaking of is the kind who accuses YOU of being exactly what and who they are guilty of being. Pure PROJECTIONS of their own issues that they are unwilling and incapable of admitting to... It could be a personality disorder... very very possible and very very likely.

Unhappy, miserable people try to inflict their misery onto others and basically, try to harm another and bring them down to their own level of misery. That's most sad and most pathetic. I see it all too often. Luckily, I see through it and these types of difficult people have no way of bringing me down to their level of misery.

You put a guide of toxic people and I’m surprised the first point is the one I was gonna mention you in my reply.
A big red DARK flag is when someone talks badly about others and much more when they do it in their backs.
I can’t deal with this kind of people. For a single reason. It’s not because they are gonna talk also badly about me, that they will. It’s because they lack of the minimal sense of loyalty.

Oh yes, and backstab in all sorts of negative ways. That's the kind of person I personally cannot stand, just like you're saying, and I know of two such acquaintances who are this way with me and others. It's really sad, and not a positive way to interact with people in the least, and it only makes THEM look bad, no one else!

I am always suspicious of people who talk about themselves all the time. Self absorbed so to speak.

Now if it’s a therapy session that they pay for then it’s fine, but unless they pay me who has the time.

I once briefly dated a guy years ago, I couldn’t keep going out with him as he was a mess and I ended it, so when we dated I could put my phone down and he’d still be talking!

Most of his one sided conversations were about his boss, his “evil” mother and his “terrible” sister. Of course he was a victim and everyone was to blame.

So his sister (lovely woman btw) invited us and the bunch of family to a restaurant and in the middle of the dinner she says to him loudly “not everything is about you” because he’d not shut up going on on on about himself and how great he was snd completely monopolized the entire dinner party .

I about fell of the chair when she said that. No one was even surprised. The whole family was fed up with him, they are nice people. I still run into them sometimes in the area.

Oh yes.. the self absorbed personality!!! I know several of these types of people!

I went on a date once with a musician a few years back. He talked non-stop, literally, for three hours straight all about himself, his life, his life goals, his work and his recent divorce. I could not get a word in edge-wise! Granted, after that, it was the one and only date we had. Then we later on had a few friendly chats over text, and it was all the same... walls of endless text, all about HIM. Never once did he ask me how I was doing, and if he did, he would respond only briefly and then turn the conversation right back to himself. It was most maddening. Suffice it to say, that lasted a short while, with only a few such texts before I finally said bye bye and stopped communicating altogether.

It is sooo annoying when all someone can discuss is themselves, and most especially maddening when they are clueless about how bored and annoyed the other person becomes!!!!! This type of person has zero personal insight and zero emotional social intelligence.

In contrast to the difficult personality:



And the toxic personality does these things - a few different acquaintances come to mind when I look at this list.

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