Difficult people get under my skin

Not always is easy to notice whether this person worths our time and friendship. There are people who cover themselves very well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro Not always is easy to notice whether this person worths our time and friendship. There are people who cover themselves very well.

I protect myself well. I wait long enough to know & at my age, I have seen enough red flags they become obvious. I am also too independent to become friends before I really know someone. Most people stay at friendly acquaintance level in my life.....I have also learned there are personalities I get along with & those I don't & I don't try to force a friendship with personalities I don't enjoy being around which was been a blessing.

Lol....people who are covering themselves will usually slip up if only subtly. Being observant helps.....their true colors usually show through.

I find people like that difficult in online worlds when they have asked for opinions but dont really want them. Its one thing if they ask for support and someone is a jerk so they clarify they want support but its another when they ask for opinions and honesty and pick apart the ones they dont like. In instances like that I just move on.

In online worlds. I think people and words are often misunderstood Misunderstandings seems to happen quite frequently. And thanks, @sarahsweets Yes, I agree that that situation becomes difficult.

Soooo true. It can take time to truly get to know someone, and for that person to truly reveal themselves to you.

Some people are just difficult. Sometimes no diagnosing needed. That’s just how they are.

If they are our boss at work or elderly parent who needs to be taken care of, it’s somewhat hard to completely avoid them (even then we can try to limit interactions). In all other situations we simply have no need to have difficult people in our circles. People reveal themselves rather quickly. We just have to pay attention and stir opposite direction

Yes, you are right, @divine1966. My husband's parents can be pretty difficult, but they are elderly and sick, and therefore, I have compassion for their mental state right now, and yes, they are his parents after all.

I can be slow sometimes to pick up on some people's toxic ways. I suppose that's because I didn't grow up in the most healthy environment. I am learning over time how to be more vigilant.

All of my closest friends in my circle are all wonderful, amazing people. I have nothing bad to say about them, and I love them all dearly, like I do a family member. They are my family in fact - extended family. But certain acquaintances I can do without. That's why they are merely acquaintances. And then others who make my blood boil, I want to keep at a great distance.

Yes, Sarah, this is when people try to find validation. I can understand it but it must be a point in the middle where you are able to hear also what you don’t want to hear. It’s a lost of time to talk to this person when they are in this attitude.

Well, gals, in my case I don’t think I have lots of trouble this kind because of my social anxiety. So, I don’t have to deal with people like other people have.
A positive point of my social anxiety.
Thus, I’m a difficult person indeed, not easy going at all. Thanks aging, I’m learning to be less inflexible. But, I understand Have Hope, it’s very frustrating when there is no a two directional feedback.

I don’t think being “not so easy going” means being difficult. I am not easy going myself, not at all. I don’t think I am that difficult though. As about getting more inflexible with age I can relate. My tolerance level is much lower now as when I was young. I don’t tolerate nonsense but I don’t dish it out either

I don’t know if I’m difficult or not easy-going.
I think the kind of people Have Hope was referring to, I’m not like them. Indeed, curiosity is what keeps me alive so I would be an asshole if I was closed to other people help or advises. Noone knows everything.
But, in some other aspects, I guess we are all difficult somehow and for some people.

The adjective, "difficult", I suppose can be applied to anyone in any given situation.

Like I know I've been difficult for my husband at times, to my parents perhaps when I become adamant, and for my boss at work when I get uppity about something, but I don't see myself being a "difficult" or challenging person overall, though some people may think differently. I get along with most people, I have some really close friendships, I am close with my family members, I don't like to fight or argue and I generally am laid back and easy to get along with. I've been told by people at work that I am pleasant to be around and to work with. Online I am sure I can come across very differently, and I am sure there are times online when people may think the complete opposite of me. What's tough about online is you cannot hear the person's voice or interpret their tone and you cannot read their body language and facial expressions. If people online knew me in real life, they may have a totally different impression of me, and probably a far better one. I know I can be blunt and very straight forward/no nonsense, and that I am guilty of for sure.

Anyways.... I didn't mean to go off about myself here or on a complete tangent, but I am more so talking about the kind of person that makes things challenging in all of their relationships. At one point in this thread, I was talking about the narcissist, a type of person who really gets under my skin.

My husband's parents I would say are difficult people because they bicker and argue and and his father barks loudly at his wife on top of saying many socially inappropriate/offensive/non pc things, which is very hard to be around And my own husband can be a difficult person sometimes, when he gets defensive and when he feels he needs to defend his stance at all costs.

So I suppose there can be difficult and challenging moments with all people, but the type of person I am referring to is difficult and challenging a lot of the time. The kind of person that you have trouble being around for too long, and they're exhausting after a while -- draining, and you just don't get much that is positive from being around them. It's more like you feel the opposite after interacting with them -- negative. That's more the kind of person I mean.

Yes, I understand. I understood you talked about people who you couldn’t give your voice because they only want to hear their echo.
I think I took a little off-topic your thread.

Oh no worries! Anything goes. Yes, people who only want to hear their own voice -- that bugs me to no end.

And your social anxiety? As hard as that may be, it may also be a blessing in disguise, in an odd sort of way. I'd rather not deal with most people, in all actuality. And the older I get, the less tolerance I have, like Divine was saying. I cannot put up with BS..... I have put up with BS for a lot of my life, and now I just don't have the time, the energy or the tolerance for it.

Me too. People with social anxiety use to feel inferior to everyone or most of people but age also taught me what it’s worthy and what’s not.
Thank you for your kind words.

We all have our own frailties. But a weakness or frailty can also be a strength, oddly enough. And I hear you.... I'm being taught the hard way what's worthy and what's not. I've typically been very open and inviting to most people, and now? Not so much.

Hugs to you!

I think she was talking about people who are nasty to others, not the ones who have social anxiety and/or introverts and keep to themselves. That’s what I thought.

Oh for sure no one is easy at all times. I’d be suspicious of people who are so great at all times.

Yep, I got that part.

I am suspicious of people who smile too much, lol. I always think they're hiding something.

Con artists come to mind lol

although some people smile or laugh a lot because they are nervous etc

Lol...

and very true. I know of people who laugh because they're nervous. That happens a lot.

HERE ARE 5 SIGNS YOU ARE DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT PERSON:

1. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM.
Difficult people are dramatic and they are fueled by reactions from others. They need to be the center of attention. You know this type of person, the one whose life seems to be a soap opera. You ask her what she did during the weekend and she moves through elaborate story lines. These folks don’t just tell a story in a few sentences. They share a novel. And, to even ask them, “How are you doing today?” is opening a can of worms. They are egocentric, narcissistic, and full of opinions.

2. THEY DON’T DO A FAVOR WITHOUT COLLECTING.
These type of people are always scheming how they can get something for nothing. If you ask them for a favor, realize it will be like selling your soul to the devil. That favor will not go unnoticed. Difficult people are not compassionate. They are self-serving. These folks will remind you over and over what they did for you. Never mind that you have helped them in the past. That’s not in their best interest. They will bully you to repay whatever support or assistance you got from them.

3. THEY ARE VICTIMS.
The victim is the one who never gets over a trauma. They are stuck in the past. They utilize illnesses, family, and events to manipulate into getting what they want. They live in constant victimization mode. These people will reel you into their lives by making you feel sorry for them. They tell and re-tell stories of pain and failures. Negativity is their means of communication. The best way to stop their behavior is to continue giving positive statements and not buying into their pity party.

4. THEY CAN BE OBLIVIOUS.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who have no idea what’s going on in this reality. They live in their own world that only makes sense to them. These type of people are difficult because they are in constant denial of what’s going on. They are flaky. They can be intolerable and hard to handle. These are not the people who are dreamers and trailblazers. These are the ones who bring about drama by creating a world that is not understood. They are delusional. It’s hard to actually have a serious conversation with the oblivious person. You hope they get the notion that the universe doesn’t revolve only around them.

5. THEY WHINE, BLAME AND GOSSIP.
The truth is that a person who is sharing gossip with you is also telling your business to others. They blame everyone for their mishaps. They whine about the weather, the boss, the traffic, and anything that can bring on attention. They complain about everyone. They make up stories, embellishing details to make them seem more interesting. In order to stop the nonsense, you have to express your disgust about their behavior.

Difficult people don’t like when the tables turn and they are no longer in charge of stories. When they don’t get what they want from you, they move on to someone else. They don’t appreciate being called out about their negativity. They are those people who just can’t find the speck of sunshine on a cloudy day. They move through manipulation, control, and bratty behavior. You start to see their signs the minute they show zero empathy for another. All you can do is stop the behavior with positive reinforcement, and let them know that you will not tolerate their attitude. We must be grateful for those rude and obnoxious souls who show us what we are never to become.

5 Signs You're Dealing With A Difficult Person

There's one acquaintance I had made on another website who became very difficult in my mind. If I even presented an opposing thought to her own, or if I reflected back to her the obstacles that she herself had placed in her own way of being able to move forward in her life, she became extremely defensive and actually went kind of ballistic on me. She called me cruel and unkind, when I hadn't been cruel at all. I merely was reflecting back to her what I had observed in her, in an effort to actually help her to overcome the obstacles I saw. It was most maddening. We cut off our communications, and she then blocked me on that site, but I was offended because I was only trying to help. To me, it seemed she really didn't want any real help, not help that involved constructive criticism at least, and she didn't want anyone telling her anything about what they observe in her own behavior. That kind of person drives me insane... the kind of person who cannot self reflect AT ALL. And the kind who gets extremely defensive if you provide any sort of constructive criticism. I mean, at least be open to it and listen to it, even if you're feeling defensive at the time, is my thought. At least consider that perhaps you're in your own way of progress. I was really frustrated by this person. And she made me angry when she accused me of being cruel, when I'm not cruel in the least bit.

Me too. They make me feel uncomfortable. Especially when you notice a fake smile. I know many people with nervous or maybe they have to show a smile because they are asked to do in their jobs...I understand it but I better see them without this smile. All it can be perceive as fake, keep me on guard.

Agreed... I don't run into that often, but when I do, I feel wary.

I had a similar experience but I was on the other side, the one who couldn’t see although to be more honest, I never was all closed but I had many doubts. I was confused. So, it took me a time to appreciate what this acquaintance, also known online, wanted me to see. I appreciate now that she had to play a uncomfortable role, only because she saw and she wanted to help me see.

Maybe, Hope, one day this acquaintance of you, it’s gonna appreciate what you tried to do.