[twilightsparkle]

Hi. I am a 17 y/o girl. I have had this issue since elementary school where I become really attached to these authority figures (usually female) such as teachers, coaches, etc. This is embarrassing so I've never talked to anyone about it. I have this intense desire to be hugged and comforted by them while I cry.

I can only describe them as "crushes" but apart from these feelings, I have not really had any romantic attractions. There have been a couple times where I thought I liked girls my age, but they were mostly confident girls, so perhaps I also just wanted to be comforted by them. I have never liked a guy before, and I have never had any sexual feelings.

My parents have always loved me. My mom is very affectionate and openly loving. But for some reason I feel awkward around her affection, and I feel super unnatural. My dad loves me, but I don't feel very emotionally close to him, and I have never really viewed him as my role model. I know he has good qualities, but to me he has always come across as kind of arrogant and immature. I know my parents don't love each other, although my family life is still mostly normal as they do not fight that much. I have always sided with my mom though, and I feel bad for her b/c I think my dad can be mean to her (nothing to the extent of abuse though). But anyway my dad sacrifices a lot for me, but I sometimes just can't help but feel like I don't like him, because of his personality. He is strong-willed and cannot admit his mistakes. He claims he feels sexually repressed, and cheated once last year, which made me angry initially but I'm trying to understand. Recently, he has become more mellowed, I think because he wants my acceptance. I am probably the person he loves most, and he would be willing to sacrifice a lot for me, but I can't help but feel that he doesn't love anyone else. Sorry that was a long and maybe irrelevant paragraph.

Also I don't know if this is relevant again but when I was younger I kind of had separation anxiety? It lasted until maybe 2nd grade but I remember feeling really unhappy at the time b/c I didn't want to leave my parents. I still remember being really scared to go to preschool every day and every week just seemed like the same cycle I had to get through over and over. Is that perhaps because my mom was overprotective??

Anyway I don't know if this issue of becoming attached to authority is preventing me from having actual romantic relationships. Right now I'm still in high school so it doesn't really matter, but I'm afraid it will always continue like this. What do I do and is this normal? Am I just immature? Will I grow out of it?

[AzulOscuro]

I can’t tell you it for sure but I think it’s pretty general a person when is maturing feels sort of attraction towards authority figures, an attraction that can be similar to romantic infatuation but it’s not another thing that admiration, a model to follow. A mirror in which you want to see yourself.
It’s normal that when you are very little, your models are your caretakers, then your social circle enlarges you feel the same towards other people. A friend of your dad or your mum, a teacher, your uncle...
I think this is your case but I’m not an expert in Evolutive Psychology.

[Skeezyks]

Welcome to Psych Central, twilightsparkle. My personal, non-professional opinion would be that all of this is something that may be best explored with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist. It's going to take time & effort to unravel it all. And a trained mental health professional is going to be in the best position to guide you through the process.

One concept you might take a look at is what is referred to as childhood emotional neglect. Perhaps you're already familiar with it? There's a forum, here on PC, dedicated to it. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject (there are lots more):

Invisible, Powerful Childhood Emotional Neglect

The 2 Types Of Childhood Emotional Neglect: Active and Passive

7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect

Which Type Of Emotionally Neglectful Parents Raised You? 17 Signs to Look For

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ional-neglect/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc