[Have Hope]

He has lost a huge amount of hours at work along with the income, he is extremely stressed and anxious, he is home a lot now, while I am working at home, and honestly, I just can't deal with him.

He just snapped at me over something small, and his bad attitude is bothering me. He seems to be taking it out on me, and the problem with him, is he is largely unaware and lacks introspection. He can be most difficult at times.

And right now, I am almost at my wits end with him, and we've only been dealing with this new situation with his work since the beginning of this week.

I woke up in an OK mood for once during this whole crisis, and now, because of him I am in a foul mood.

How do people deal with so much togetherness and maintain a good relationship? I am sure that other couples are also experiencing some strife and tension. We cannot be the only ones dealing with financial stresses and couple issues from too much togetherness.

[divine1966]

Honestly we don’t have tension or conflicts probably because my husband is very easy going and never moody, otherwise we probably would have tension because I am not easy going, I need things certain way. So I’d say it’s his accomplishment, not mine.

Now saying that, I do need a lot of space. I need my time apart, he doesn’t need it but he understands that I do.

Normally it’s easy to accomplish as I have girlfriends I go out with and hobbies outside of home etc

But right now I can’t do much of anything. Things I do to make sure I get my space: read or watch something on my tablet in the other room or in the same room but do my own thing, do household task in the other room or tell my husband to go do XYZ, talk on the phone to people.

We don’t have a large place but we have 2 bedrooms, guest bedroom is used as office/entertainment room when we don’t have out of town guests, so I can go there and close the door or send my husband there. When I need space I just say that I need space. It might be just one hour, not like I need a week.

So when your husband is being gloomy, go to the other room and close the door.

I have a gloomy father so I totally understand it. The only way to deal is to maintain your space. Leave the room. Or put headphones on. Don’t engage. Do your own thing. Let him stew. Ignore him when he is this way. Don’t take it personal. When he snaps, don’t pay attention, leave the room. He can’t snap if you don’t react. Took me and my brother years to develop routine with our father. It works wonders. In fact he mellowed down a lot because we don’t engage and he hasn’t been snapping for a long time now. I don’t know what else one can do dealing with gloomy people. You can’t change them. You can only change your response and reaction to them or completely be done with them, if that’s an option

I do feel terrible for people who lost pay. Thankfully we don’t have loss of income. I am so grateful. That would cause me lots of stress too.

So try what we do with our dad, it truly made a difference in every sense. We can’t neglect him or leave him, that’s not an option, so we had to figure out the way to deal with it.

Try and see if it gets better. Look up “grey rock” technique.

[divine1966]

The Price and Payoff of a Gray Rock Strategy | Psychology Today

I am not saying your relationship is toxic. This article just explains the method. It could be modified. Doesn’t need to be that drastic but you’ll get an idea

[Have Hope]

Thanks, @divine1966!

I like that tactic, and I will definitely try it!!!!!!! I always respond and engage, which only just makes it worse!

Since moving myself into the other room to work, its been helping a TON.

[Have Hope]

Also, my husband can be moody and difficult when he's more stressed, and he takes his moods out on me. I don't allow it and push back each time, but it's most annoying when it happens, and then it impacts my own mood.

I am SO glad I can work in the other room now. But this is going to be challenging -- having him around all the time and not working many hours. I, too, really enjoy my solo and private time. Usually I catch up with my friends during that time, or I just have some much needed "me" time. Now I have very little me time. It sucks.

[Have Hope]

So last night my husband had a nightmare that I had died. He was screaming in his sleep and woke me up. When he woke up from his nightmare, he yelled "you're here! You're here!" And I said, "yes honey, it's ok, I'm here." He started crying and sobbing, telling me that I had accidentally died while we were on vacation. He went back to sleep again. When we finally got up from bed, we talked about his dream and he said, "it's God telling me to appreciate you". He said he wouldn't be able to live if I were gone... that he wouldn't want to live. It really shook him up.

So yesterday's events and bad mood on his part are now replaced by a new perspective on life I do believe, and I have to say that I am very thankful for that. I had been feeling QUITE bitter about what happened yesterday AM, and about him taking his foul mood out on me.

This morning he's been the exact opposite -- his usual loving and affectionate self.

[TunedOut]

Thank you for sharing this. I almost replied yesterday but I am trying to be less open about specific things going on in my family. What we share can help others but there are also people in my family who are very private.

I think we are attracted to people for a reason. We are meant to teach each other important lessons. I have experienced feeling hurt but because I did not express it--it became a bigger problem than it needed to be. I am mostly honest and open but sometimes when I was hurt I just retreated into my imagination and allowed fear and paranoia to play tricks on me. I am learning how to use my openness as an asset--it is helpful to be open with the people in our lives whom we are the closest to. My family difficulties have taught me to be braver. They have taught me to be more accepting of people as they are rather than projecting all kinds of things. Though these trying times are bringing out fears in many people (and it is not without a reason--some might have compromised health or not know where their next paycheck is coming from), being cooped up in one place gives some of us a chance to spend time with our family and think about how we feel about where we are in our lives and where we want to go next.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Thank you for sharing this. I almost replied yesterday but I am trying to be less open about specific things going on in my family. What we share can help others but there are also people in my family who are very private.

I think we are attracted to people for a reason. We are meant to teach each other important lessons. I have experienced feeling hurt but because I did not express it--it became a bigger problem than it needed to be. I am mostly honest and open but sometimes when I was hurt I just retreated into my imagination and allowed fear and paranoia to play tricks on me. I am learning how to use my openness as an asset--it is helpful to be open with the people in our lives whom we are the closest to. My family difficulties have taught me to be braver. They have taught me to be more accepting of people as they are rather than projecting all kinds of things. Though these trying times are bringing out fears in many people (and it is not without a reason--some might have compromised health or not know where their next paycheck is coming from), being cooped up in one place gives some of us a chance to spend time with our family and think about how we feel about where we are in our lives and where we want to go next.

Thank you as well for sharing!

I am very open about my upset and hurts actually -- I am going to try and take Divine's advice about not engaging and not fueling the fire when my husband gets moody and wants to take it out on me. But of course, that's very hard for me because I am very outspoken and will tell him exactly what I think and how I feel, lol. But yes, we were/are attracted to each other for a reason.

This time period certainly lends to reflections about life and relationships, that's for sure.

I am treasuring everyone whom I love right now, including my husband, whom I do love dearly. He's a good person in many ways. He's also difficult in many ways, but I chose to marry him, regardless.

Tough times either bring out the best or the worst in people. I am leaning towards the best for myself... trying at least.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

So last night my husband had a nightmare that I had died. He was screaming in his sleep and woke me up. When he woke up from his nightmare, he yelled "you're here! You're here!" And I said, "yes honey, it's ok, I'm here." He started crying and sobbing, telling me that I had accidentally died while we were on vacation. He went back to sleep again. When we finally got up from bed, we talked about his dream and he said, "it's God telling me to appreciate you". He said he wouldn't be able to live if I were gone... that he wouldn't want to live. It really shook him up.

So yesterday's events and bad mood on his part are now replaced by a new perspective on life I do believe, and I have to say that I am very thankful for that. I had been feeling QUITE bitter about what happened yesterday AM, and about him taking his foul mood out on me.

This morning he's been the exact opposite -- his usual loving and affectionate self.

It’s beautiful.
Divine gave you such a good advise that I can’t say more.
What about if this situation not only represent a challenge for you both but you both end up reinforced in your relation as a couple. I can see it happening.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Thank you for sharing this. I almost replied yesterday but I am trying to be less open about specific things going on in my family. What we share can help others but there are also people in my family who are very private.

I think we are attracted to people for a reason. We are meant to teach each other important lessons. I have experienced feeling hurt but because I did not express it--it became a bigger problem than it needed to be. I am mostly honest and open but sometimes when I was hurt I just retreated into my imagination and allowed fear and paranoia to play tricks on me. I am learning how to use my openness as an asset--it is helpful to be open with the people in our lives whom we are the closest to. My family difficulties have taught me to be braver. They have taught me to be more accepting of people as they are rather than projecting all kinds of things. Though these trying times are bringing out fears in many people (and it is not without a reason--some might have compromised health or not know where their next paycheck is coming from), being cooped up in one place gives some of us a chance to spend time with our family and think about how we feel about where we are in our lives and where we want to go next.

Thank you for sharing. Something similar happened to me. I kept everything to myself and I noticed it was very unhealthy for me and of course, for my relation with my relatives.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

It’s beautiful.
Divine gave you such a good advise that I can’t say more.
What about if this situation not only represent a challenge for you both but you both end up reinforced in your relation as a couple. I can see it happening.

Thank you, and you know... that could very well happen!!! Everything feels far better today too.