[I love my husband]

I’m dealing with the recent discovery of my husband’s secret sexting/webcam habit.

I’m stuck in a place of wanting to know more and more details. Which he’s sharing with me.

But I keep getting angrier. He is acting extremely remorseful and has an individual counseling session plus agreed to a couples counseling session, but that’s not until Monday.

I just want a normal weekend and I’m so sad/mad/hurt. My anxiety has been off the chain and I’ve taken more xanax this week, since finding out last Sunday, than I have in the past two months.

I have generalized anxiety disorder and the alprazolam is a prescription.

Help. I need any help to make the next 48 hours feel somewhat normal. Even though nothing is normal.

[TunedOut]

It takes time. Maybe time outs (go somewhere on your own for the day)? Not as punishment but just to give yourself a chance to recover from the shock of it all. His presence reminds you of the trauma/what he did. It is OK to be mad/sad. You are entitled to feel that way and even if you weren't--it's not wrong you just are.

[bpcyclist]

Well, I think the answer is that you are going to have to accept a certain amount of anger at the moment. It's not going to just melt away because he's sorry. Trust has been damaged. Rebuilding that is necessarily going to take time. There is not something wrong with you because you are angry. It;s a normal and appropriate reaction to the situation. I personally wouldn't try to compartmentalize it, even if I could. I would say, just be with it. Be with yourself. Acknowledge the anger and hurt at the situation and accept that it is a perfectly normal response. It's just where you are.

I would be careful wanting to know more and more and more. That can become its own kind of torture for you. And in my experience having been cheated upon, it doesn't actually really make you feel any better. I wanted to know every last detail and it just made it worse--much worse. What matters most is, is he truly remorseful? Is he committed to stopping this behavior? Will he participate in whatever therapy you guys deem appropriate? And does he get that, should he persist in this conduct, you will be gone? I am assuming that is how you feel--maybe you don't. Anyway, that is my two cents. Sending you positive vibes. Whatever happens, don't forget that there is nothing weird or wrong with your reaction and experience. Mine was exactly the same, pretty much. It sucks, but it won't suck forever.

[I love my husband]

Thank you.

Yeah, I asked him to re-install google hangouts on his phone yesterday and there was one conversation he must’ve archived instead of deleted. Which led to more questions. So now I know that there were a few that he sexted/video chatted on more than one occasion. Yes, it feels now like I’m torturing myself wanting to know more.

You’re right. It just sucks.

[TheSadGirl]

The curious want to know more is so self destructive. The more you know, the more it hurts and yet somehow you need to know the whole truth..

I have done the exact same thing. I have no advice other than to just keep going. I won't tell you not to look or to look. You need to decided for yourself. I will say that the anger and pain does subside. The trust is the most difficult part. I wish you the best.

[MickeyCheeky]

My advice would be to take some time for yourself and dedicate to some of your Hobbies and some of the things that make YOU happy! It is an hard situation for ALL of the people involved so it's normal that you'd feel upset! However try to not let that get to you. You will get through this sooner or later. It is good that your Husband seems to be cooperating right now and that he wants to get things right back on track with you! Be confidend in knowing this and know that you'll do what you can to get through ALL of this. Try not to get obsesses with this even though I DO acknowledge that it IS Hard. Just take some time for yourself, take a walk, watch some TV, buy something for yourself, eat something. Anything to keep your mind busy. Hopefully that will help a bit! Definitely follow the advice from ALL of the other posters as well! You can PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to! I am SURE ALL THE OTHERS will be REALLY HAPPY AND REALLY GLAD to help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @I love my husband, your Husband, your Family, your Children, your Relatives, your Friends, your Doctors, your Pdocs, your Therapists, your Counsellors and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok?

[I love my husband]

You are all so sweet.

I’m almost 49 and never wanted to be married, for many reasons.

Then I met my husband. I’ve never felt so safe in love. Until now. I feel so broken and just want that safe feeling back.

At least his perspective is shifting. He just wanted to “move on” initially. Now he’s starting to accept that I’m going through my own process and that he needs to honor that.

Initially he kept insisting that it was like an interactive video game/interactive porn. He is just now acknowledging that it is so much more than that. It’s been a week now. He admitted last night that he’s understanding that he violated our intimate connection and it will take time to heal.

He has a counseling appt tomorrow & we have our first marriage counseling appt tomorrow as well. The irony that we’re doing video therapy for his video cheating isn’t lost on me.

Again, at least we aren’t fighting.

And I made it through yesterday without taking Xanax.

Your input is priceless.

[Skeezyks]

In your title, you asked how to compartmentalize your anger. I don't know if this will be of any help. But the title of your post reminded me of this article from PC's archives:

Understanding Anger Can Empower Women to Live Authentic Lives

[bpcyclist]

I hope the couples' thing went okay.

[LilyMop]

I agree that it’s perfectly normal to feel angry. I think I would be feeling a wild assortment of emotions in this situation. Do you have your own counselor to see? You need your own outlets and support network. Best of luck to you. I hope things work out for you.

[Molinit]

I think he needs a LOT of individual counseling before any couples counseling would even be appropriate. He needs to fix himself.

[wheezyrose]

both need individual and couples therapy.
me and my partner are going through the same, but he's been watching porn for 10yrs he's been with me and then since he was a child before then.
He's made me think I'm going crazy to hide his secret and shame and guilt. Look up betrayal trauma, SAIT sexual addiction induced trauma, and complex ptsd.
You need to be seeing a therapist hun, to help you through this as much as he does, if not more so. because what he's inflicted on you is going to mess you up over the next few months and you need to know what you're going through.
I was hysterically screaming at my neighbour's dog to shut up through the wall because I'd had enough.
pm me if you want hun, could do with a friend in the same situation right now.