[Movergirl]

I am 52 year old injured truck driver with a 32 year old girlfriend of 3 years who has an autistic son. I love my girlfriend and it would break my heart to loose her but I cannot continue like this. I have opened up my house to her and her son and put out a roommate I have had for over 15 years. I have had a failed marriage with three grown boys of my own. I was a little intimidated by my partner in the beginnings because ahe came on so strong. I just moved into a new house in a new town stped all my old behaviors. And promised myself a new beginning.

I was hesitant to even want any relationship after everthing I been through. But I thought long and hard and figured i have one more shot might be my last chance at happiness. In the beginning it was like she waa in a cheating abusive rrelationship and was miserable and looking for a way out. We shared. Intimate moments and I felt like I could trust her For awhile.

Her Words and her actions did not match. I found myself in a situation I wasnt ready for and didnt want to be in. Her at that timee 6year old autiatic son waa like something I have never experienced in my life. He was mean and disreapectdul he had no manners or discipline. She would let him do whatever and spend days on the ipad never checkin his activity. He has an

Possible trigger:

obsession with knives and was playing killing games.

I had to install a lock on my bedroom door just to sleep at night.

Then I found out the childs father is a

Possible trigger:

three strike gang member that just beat a homicide charge and threatenen to kill me.

That man has not contacteg this kid one time in the three years hes been here. I finally talked my SO into getting a divorce from that maniac and to get her child professional help.

It took awhile but now that I am invested in this things aer changing. For the moat part I can say I am happy I had this experience it has taihjy me alot about who I am and what I really want in life. That I am a kind carining giving responsible person deserving of real love. I got her to get a therapist for herson he is on medication and has learned manners respect he wipes his own but and ties his shoes. He now has little things that he is reponsible for like taling out the trash and making his bed. He feeds his chicken. I taught him how to use utensils and a napkin. Also i let him help me with things like watering the grass and using hand tools.

But our biggest issue is the lack of appreciation and respect I get feom both of them. His smart mouth and fake crying is what he does if I ask him a question. Then his mom abd i fight. I would be as simple as asking him if he picked up after his dog in the yard. He just states at me when his mom wallks in he squeezes his face together forcing tears to come. For no reason. He lies about unnecessary stuff and intentionally disobeys my rules for this house. Like after he got sent home with a note frim the school

Possible trigger:

saying he was kicked out of the afterachool programs for saying he would blow the school up. I put a stop to all violent everything. No drawings no movies no games dont even talk about killling. But he brings home drawings of people bloody holding knoves

so I take away his tablet then im picking on him. She make whatever he does ok and its not.

She has not worked or paid rent since they moved in. She is supposed to pay cable and pge but I just got a notice my pge is behind and hasnt been being paid on time. I am on ssdi and low housing .seldom does the dead beat father send child support. . Her son gets ssi same pay i do. I buy groceries gas for the truck (mine) that she uses on a daily basis to carry. Her son back qnd forth to achool. I pay the insurace and upkeep on the vehicle. She gwts qhat her and her aon loke never asking if i want or need anything. I am so over bwing looked over and treated like i am juat here to pay the rent. I go tey to see what thheu aee soing or playing in his room and he slams the door iny face.

I am so frustrated but on the other hand My physical mobility is getting worse. I have osteoarthritis and need help. I dont like being alone. I have PTSD from being raped with intermittent explisive disorder. I have been internalizing stress my blood pressure is thru the roof. I never been on blood pressure. Medicine in my life. I knew I was pushing my limits but how can we come to a place where they appreciate me more stop ********ting them selves and me too. Honestly i need her help and she needs a place to live. But I am slowly killing myself with the constant argueing and lying and no respect. The lies she has told me makes it hard for me to be intimate wirh her. I have not let her touch me but twice in three years. I want to runn away but

Possible trigger:

i have several attwmpts on my life

and i promosed myself I would fight till the end this time. But i am running out of fight my give a damm is. Busted and Im ready just to walk away fro all i have acomplished and say **** it. But theres no where i want to go. Help please i need gudance and suggestion

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Movergirl

I am 52 year old injured truck driver with a 32 year old girlfriend of 3 years who has an autistic son. I love my girlfriend and it would break my heart to loose her but I cannot continue like this. I have opened up my house to her and her son and put out a roommate I have had for over 15 years. I have had a failed marriage with three grown boys of my own. I was a little intimidated by my partner in the beginnings because ahe came on so strong. I just moved into a new house in a new town stped all my old behaviors. And promised myself a new beginning.

I was hesitant to even want any relationship after everthing I been through. But I thought long and hard and figured i have one more shot might be my last chance at happiness. In the beginning it was like she waa in a cheating abusive rrelationship and was miserable and looking for a way out. We shared. Intimate moments and I felt like I could trust her For awhile.

Her Words and her actions did not match. I found myself in a situation I wasnt ready for and didnt want to be in. Her at that timee 6year old autiatic son waa like something I have never experienced in my life. He was mean and disreapectdul he had no manners or discipline. She would let him do whatever and spend days on the ipad never checkin his activity. He has an

Possible trigger:

obsession with knives and was playing killing games.

I had to install a lock on my bedroom door just to sleep at night.

Then I found out the childs father is a

Possible trigger:

three strike gang member that just beat a homicide charge and threatenen to kill me.

That man has not contacteg this kid one time in the three years hes been here. I finally talked my SO into getting a divorce from that maniac and to get her child professional help.

It took awhile but now that I am invested in this things aer changing. For the moat part I can say I am happy I had this experience it has taihjy me alot about who I am and what I really want in life. That I am a kind carining giving responsible person deserving of real love. I got her to get a therapist for herson he is on medication and has learned manners respect he wipes his own but and ties his shoes. He now has little things that he is reponsible for like taling out the trash and making his bed. He feeds his chicken. I taught him how to use utensils and a napkin. Also i let him help me with things like watering the grass and using hand tools.

But our biggest issue is the lack of appreciation and respect I get feom both of them. His smart mouth and fake crying is what he does if I ask him a question. Then his mom abd i fight. I would be as simple as asking him if he picked up after his dog in the yard. He just states at me when his mom wallks in he squeezes his face together forcing tears to come. For no reason. He lies about unnecessary stuff and intentionally disobeys my rules for this house. Like after he got sent home with a note frim the school

Possible trigger:

saying he was kicked out of the afterachool programs for saying he would blow the school up. I put a stop to all violent everything. No drawings no movies no games dont even talk about killling. But he brings home drawings of people bloody holding knoves

so I take away his tablet then im picking on him. She make whatever he does ok and its not.

She has not worked or paid rent since they moved in. She is supposed to pay cable and pge but I just got a notice my pge is behind and hasnt been being paid on time. I am on ssdi and low housing .seldom does the dead beat father send child support. . Her son gets ssi same pay i do. I buy groceries gas for the truck (mine) that she uses on a daily basis to carry. Her son back qnd forth to achool. I pay the insurace and upkeep on the vehicle. She gwts qhat her and her aon loke never asking if i want or need anything. I am so over bwing looked over and treated like i am juat here to pay the rent. I go tey to see what thheu aee soing or playing in his room and he slams the door iny face.

I am so frustrated but on the other hand My physical mobility is getting worse. I have osteoarthritis and need help. I dont like being alone. I have PTSD from being raped with intermittent explisive disorder. I have been internalizing stress my blood pressure is thru the roof. I never been on blood pressure. Medicine in my life. I knew I was pushing my limits but how can we come to a place where they appreciate me more stop ********ting them selves and me too. Honestly i need her help and she needs a place to live. But I am slowly killing myself with the constant argueing and lying and no respect. The lies she has told me makes it hard for me to be intimate wirh her. I have not let her touch me but twice in three years. I want to runn away but

Possible trigger:

i have several attwmpts on my life

and i promosed myself I would fight till the end this time. But i am running out of fight my give a damm is. Busted and Im ready just to walk away fro all i have acomplished and say **** it. But theres no where i want to go. Help please i need gudance and suggestion

I would dump her because she is just using you. I would also called the police on her son because it is against the law to threaten anyone the way he is. They have programs and places with people who are train to deal with someone like him. I had some experience with autism. He need a different types of.medicine to help control his anger. You don't need someone like that in your life.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Movergirl: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Since this is your first post... welcome to Psych Central

I'm sorry you find yourself in this most difficult position. I'm afraid there isn't a lot I can offer in the way of guidance & suggestions. To me it sounds as though the writing may be on the wall, so to speak. Nothing of any significant consequence may be likely to change going forward. And if that is the case then what you are, perhaps, left with is deciding where to go from here.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help with putting the situation you're in into some perspective. Included is a link to a podcast on the subject of toxic relationships plus a link to a blog, here on PC, that addresses a variety of same-sex relationship topics:

You Can Only Change Yourself

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change

Rescuing, Resenting, and Regretting: A Codependent Pattern

How to Let Go When Your Partner Refuses to Change

11 Signs of a Toxic Relationship | The Exhausted Woman

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-de...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcas...relationships/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/hear-me-out/page/3/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[IceCreamKid]

You're had a rough life and to have gotten this far you must have some significant internal strength. However I think your efforts at improvement (of this boy's life, at providing shelter to his hapless mother) are misplaced. The happy life you want is within your reach--but only if you put your considerable strength at finding what brings you comfort and joy. At the earliest opportunity, I would evict this young woman and her seriously ill son from your home. Before you cry that you love her--you can still love this woman when she finds another place to live. It is entirely possible to love people without enabling them. You are still young (oh, I know you might not think so--but yes you are) and there are loads of nice honest people out there. I suggest you find yourself a therapist and begin building the live you truly want without these horrible and potentially dangerous compromises.

[Movergirl]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I would dump her because she is just using you. I would also called the police on her son because it is against the law to threaten anyone the way he is. They have programs and places with people who are train to deal with someone like him. I had some experience with autism. He need a different types of.medicine to help control his anger. You don't need someone like that in your life.

Can you please explain more with your autism ecperiences. I have never been around a person with this disorder. This kid for the most part is okay but theres the side of him I am afraid for.

Possible trigger:

Hes obsessed with weapons knives especially. He threaten to blow up his school. He was kicked out of aftershool program for throwing books at a kid. He is is evil to the animals here. Always being mean to them.

I am not sure I want to be around this as it is progressing and his mother just laughes it off and says im picking on him.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Movergirl

Can you please explain more with your autism ecperiences. I have never been around a person with this disorder. This kid for the most part is okay but theres the side of him I am afraid for.

Possible trigger:

Hes obsessed with weapons knives especially. He threaten to blow up his school. He was kicked out of aftershool program for throwing books at a kid. He is is evil to the animals here. Always being mean to them.

I am not sure I want to be around this as it is progressing and his mother just laughes it off and says im picking on him.

I went to school with someone who has autism who was always threaten to harm me or someone else. His parents were threaten to be sued because of what their son was doing so they removed him from the campus. He was always hurting people.

I have a nephew who is autism. But never to this stream.

My sister best friend is working with an autism who is severely mentally retarded and had severe autism. He has assault, threaten, had done inappropriate things he should be out in prison for. He had threatened to harm animals. He now in a group home. His mom is an addict and doesn't know her own kid.

I would dump her because she is not respecting boundaries.

[MsLady]

Autism is such a wide spectrum. Many I've met were very gentle and kind so every individual is unique. Sometimes people believe that Autism = Violence because they met a person or two who were. I don't doubt there are some out there, just as much as non-autistic people can be violent, too.

The behaviours you're describing does not sound "Autism" to me. There are other things going on with him. Many do have specific obsessions but I believe it stems from what they've learned from their environment so I'd wonder what happened to him when he was younger that made him turn out this way. Gang member dad? Unsupportive mom? Bingo. It's not the Autism in him. It's 100% the parents. He needed intervention a long time ago. Now he's developed patterns of behaviours which can be very difficult to break in people with autism.

I would contact social services and ask for support and guidance. I would also end this relationship. I really feel for him. I really feel for you, too.

I think your partner is using you which is why she came on so strong in the beginning. She was desperate. She is of no help, from the sounds of it, so telling her to move out won't make your health condition harder to manage.. it may make it easier because stress really eats at a weak system.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not worth it.

[sarahsweets]

Hey @Movergirl
I am pretty sure that obsession with knives or violence is not a trait of autism. My sister was what they used to classify as asbergers which is now autism, and she was never like that. I am 14 years older than her so I filled more of a parental type role. It is not your job to save her or her son. And like it or not he has a father even if dad is in prison. In fact I would fear for your safety because of the gang ties. The child does not present to me, with respect to the violent thoughts and actions as autistic to me. Maybe someone with an autistic child can chime in. I think autism is misunderstood and can be comorbid with other things. Remember Adam Lanza

Possible trigger:

the sandhook shooter?

He was mentally unwell and many autism advocates fought the association between mass violence and violent tendancies and autism. Its already stigmatized. You can be autistic and be unwell mentally to where it causes you to have violent thoughts.