[speedy11]

Obviously I am bothered by this or I wouldn't be posting. But should I be bothered? That's what I am trying to figure out.

My best friend and I have been friends for a long time. She is a very important part of my life, and I am grateful for our friendship. However...My best friend is also friends with someone who has been very cruel to me in the past. I have no relationship with the person who has been cruel to me, but there was a time when I was very hurt by how this person treated me.

My best friend can certainly be friends with whomever she chooses, but something about this does not feel right to me. I have never brought up the subject with my best friend. Should I? I could use some feedback. Thanks!

[Lenny]

Hi Speedy...

There is a chair in the room. You are standing at the front of the chair and I am standing facing its back.

I ask you what color the chair is and you say red.

I look at the back of the chair and it is covered in a black felt. I say no,,the chair is black.

But you insist the chair is red.

But of course,,you are right,,as am I.

Much of the world is like this and we all must accept that what we see is not the whole picture.

I would ask your friend to describe her perspective of this cruel friend.

Then,,when you know more about the whole chair,,,make a decision that works best for you.

IMHO.

Lenny

[Perna]

I would mention it to my friend. I had a similar situation with a friend in the apartment building I lived in. She had just made a new friend with another woman who had acted strangely with me. I told my friend to "be careful" and told her about the situation that had concerned me with this other woman. My friend didn't think anything of it and continued to be very close with the other woman and the woman committed suicide in a horrible fashion and my friend was extremely shocked as she hadn't seen anything indicating anything "wrong".

You might lightly try to tell a little of your experience if your friend mentions the other person. Do a, "you know, I use to know X and had some trouble with her behavior," etc.

[sabby]

Hi speedy11

Is your best friend aware of the issues between you and her other friend? If not, then I would think there is nothing to be worried about. If she is aware, then I see nothing wrong with letting her know that you are a bit uncomfortable with their relationship.

I have a few friends who are friends with people I care not to associate with for whatever reason. Until my friend gives me a specific reason to worry, then it doesn't bother me at all. But that's me. My friends know how I feel about these other folks and don't talk to me about them and that works for me


sabby

[speedy11]

Thank you all for your feedback.

Yes, my best friend is well aware of how her other friend has treated me. We generally don't discuss this third person but I am still uncomfortable with it. If my friend were not aware, then it would be a completely different situation and I probably would not be so uncomfortable.

[curley]

yes Speedy I have been in that position. I was upset when a friend chose to stay friends with someone that stabbed me in the back. The way I feel about it is, yes these two are friends, but if I saw a friend of mine treating another friend or anyone for that matter cruel, I would have to step back and think. Now if two friends simply did not get along for one reason or another that is different. But if I was the friend in the middle I may stay friends with both people. But I would never put myself out there for the cruel friend. In other words it would be a very casual relationship. If I had one at all. I usually taper off those type of relationships because if that person was so mean to someone, I may be next.