[Roxanne0811]

I don’t even know where to start...I feel like a fool and a real idiot! So I’ve been seeing this guy off and on but mostly it’s been on. Anyways, we spent the winter holidays together and even valentines Day. Then mid way into the quarantine we started spending significant amount of time together. I would come over practically every Saturday, he would buy us food and drinks and Saturday before last we went out to eat, had a nice evening together. My birthday is coming up so I asked if he wanted to do something and his words were “we will do something nice” he called me earlier and when I brought my birthday up he says “happy birthday in advance” then said he didn’t want to commit to anything right now but we would basically see how it goes in regards to us having any type of plan on my birthday. He is aware how much my birthday means to me, but seems he enjoyed the ego boost and now it’s summer so he no longer has any use for me. He is what I would call emotionally unavailable. Every time we get close and I start to feel close to him he pulls back. I’m not begging anyone for attention. His loss-another mans gain. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side as he may think. I am going to make other plans maybe even get a date..I don’t need him doing me any favors. I’m heartbroken but I should have known

Edited to be more concise.

It sounds like you realized after the birthday blow-off, that he's just not that into you. Good that you recognize this.

When a guy's words and actions don't sync up with the woman he's dating, it's because he's not really that interested in meeting her needs and desires and goals. Because he just sees her as temporary until he meets the right woman.

Make other plans for your birthday. Delete this guy from your social media (if you can do it), from your cell, and forget about him. Guys who act this way, do it, because they don't care.

Relationships are simple. If he respects you and sees you as long-term material, his words and actions will always sync up and you won't be left guessing what his motives are.

This guy? He strung you along. Cut the string. Go no contact. He's never going to commit to you for a real relationship. His actions have shown you this. No guess work needed. He's not the right guy.

[Roxanne0811]

Thanks your 💯 right

Roxanne I know it hurts. But here's one of my experiences with these types of guys. His name is Jeff. On NYE, he didn't want to go out, even though he'd already agreed to go with me to meet a good friend and her husband at the local bar. Finally, I got him to leave his apartment and we went there. But the ENTIRE TIME he was texting his female coworker underneath our table. I found out it was her, when I asked him, "Who are you texting? Please put your phone away, Jeff. Let's have a good time, ok?" Later, he went to bed and I snooped on his phone and found out he'd been sleeping with his female coworker AND ME at the same time for the year we were together. I confronted him immediately, and his response, "Well, I guess you can leave now." That was IT! "I guess you can leave now." So, I left. I have many stories like Jeff. Did I grieve that year lost from my life? Yes. Did I overanalyze my behavior wondering what I did wrong? Yes. But then I found a therapist and realized, nope, it wasn't my fault. Jeff just didn't want to commit to me, so he stayed with his coworker while he dated me; cheating on her and I at the same time. Do you think I wanted to get back together with Jeff? No way in hell. I deserved better and although it took me time to realize that after NYE, I did.

Please do not waste another thought or brainwave on that guy. He's just not worth it.

[metalchick]

The same thing happened to me. I mentioned my birthday, and he said well we are definitely going to have to do something. Ok cool...we were supposed to hang out that night and was waiting for him to get ready. He butt dials me and I hear his female roommate complain that he was spending too much time with me. He texted me almost a day later saying sorry I fell asleep. How's your day going? I texted back. Then, nothing... crickets...So yeah I am assuming he had something going on with the roommate and she has two other boyfriends, so I hope they are blessed with many STDs....lol...just stay away from that guy...it will hurt, but the wounds will slowly fade away over time.

[Roxanne0811]

Originally Posted by Motts

Roxanne I know it hurts. But here's one of my experiences with these types of guys. His name is Jeff. On NYE, he didn't want to go out, even though he'd already agreed to go with me to meet a good friend and her husband at the local bar. Finally, I got him to leave his apartment and we went there. But the ENTIRE TIME he was texting his female coworker underneath our table. I found out it was her, when I asked him, "Who are you texting? Please put your phone away, Jeff. Let's have a good time, ok?" Later, he went to bed and I snooped on his phone and found out he'd been sleeping with his female coworker AND ME at the same time for the year we were together. I confronted him immediately, and his response, "Well, I guess you can leave now." That was IT! "I guess you can leave now." So, I left. I have many stories like Jeff. Did I grieve that year lost from my life? Yes. Did I overanalyze my behavior wondering what I did wrong? Yes. But then I found a therapist and realized, nope, it wasn't my fault. Jeff just didn't want to commit to me, so he stayed with his coworker while he dated me; cheating on her and I at the same time. Do you think I wanted to get back together with Jeff? No way in hell. I deserved better and although it took me time to realize that after NYE, I did.

Please do not waste another thought or brainwave on that guy. He's just not worth it.

thank you so much for the insight. He is always on his phone so wouldn’t be surprised that he was texting a few girls..it just amazes me how some people can’t see their behavior is hurtful

Originally Posted by Roxanne0811

thank you so much for the insight. He is always on his phone so wouldn’t be surprised that he was texting a few girls..it just amazes me how some people can’t see their behavior is hurtful

Yep. Any guy who would rather spend time with you with his head in his phone, is not a guy you should waste a second of your valuable time.

I would not doubt that your guy spent time texting a few other women while he was with you. He intentionally blew off your birthday because he considers you just another "option" to date. Why would you invest any emotional energy into someone who thinks so little of you?!

Seriously, you need to just "next" this guy. He is literally a waste of your time.

You need to be a guy's priority -- not his option. If you stay with this guy, you will just remain an option to him.