[Janine 123]

A very popular, attention-seeking, and nosy bully, who everyone thinks is very caring and nice, deliberately followed me at our last family gathering and put me down. I never have said or done anything wrong to her, except a couple of guys she likes, liked me and tried to get with me, but I gave them up because I am not into them enough to date them since my divorce. They must have said something to her and now whenever I show up at family gatherings to do something, she somehow dismisses and discredits what I do, and shows everyone how good she is. Btw, she has been single herself for a long time, and tries, but I have noticed that she cannot seem to get anyone. Because of her, I do not want to show up anymore at gatherings and stay away.

What did she do / say to you?

[Open Eyes]

I guess you pose some kind of threat to her and she wants to see if she can attack your self esteem so you give up whatever she feels threatened by. And yes, if she likes guys that she can see like you more then you are a threat to "her" territory.

[Have Hope]

She is threatened by you and is probably envious of you because these guys showed you interest and not her. When you understand and read about how a narcissist functions, it becomes a little easier to deal with them. Underneath that mask and facade is extreme insecurity and feelings of inferiority. That's why they must put others down... to feel more powerful and to overcome those feelings of inferiority. You can feel sorry for this woman. If you can, try not to let her run you off from your family gatherings. That's exactly what she wants to accomplish -- is to intimidate you. Rise above it and just avoid any conversations with her. Entirely. Hugs to you.

[Open Eyes]

When dealing with a person that needs to be the center of attention you don’t really have to do much to get them upset or feel threatened in some way.

Typically the response is the person says something to devalue you then proceeds to fill the space with their drama securing their need to bring attention to themselves. And they may engage in covert attacks pulling others often unknowingly into these attacks.

I have an older sister that practices this type of behavior. I had to learn a lot about this kind of person and every time I read about narcissists it really described her behavior as if she was being studied.

This kind of person wants power and control and it’s incredible the lengths they will go to have that power too. There is fake petting and plenty of drama and glitz. And as with my sister a claim of possessing special powers too including an ability to pick up more than the average person. Anyone that threatens their need to stand out is considered a bad or toxic person. They gaslight others and even themselves.

So yes this type of person is often self deluded. And it pleases them to have any kind of power over you as they feel they are entitled.

[divine1966]

Bullies always wear a mask. If they didn’t, no one would give them a minute of their time so they have to pretend but it’s usually doesn’t last forever. People eventually figure it out. I’d keep my distance and just enjoy my life not worrying about this person. She is unhappy and misery loves company. But you don’t need to a company for her. I’d not stop going to events because of her though. Her misery is her issue, not yours

[Open Eyes]

It’s sounds like a challenge in that this individual is connected to your family in some way. Usually one can distance themselves enough from a toxic person yet it can get complicated when family is involved.

[tigerlily84]

I agree with everyone here that posted above. If you ever do have to interact with her, practice Grey rock. Meaning, when she tries to get a rise out of you to get her narcissistic supply, give her basic answers, don't respond to her words because narcs love that. Then leave the conversation or the room as soon as you can. She will quickly get bored and move onto her next target. The best way is to go no contact though.

When and if you practice Grey rock and/or go no contact with the narc, you may encounter a smear campaign by the narc and their flying monkeys. Flying monkeys are people that they enlist to enact their abuse. It really is horrible and I lost basically my entire dad's side of the family due to a narc family member. I am still healing but I am much happier. Be kind to yourself, and if you don't have a therapist it would be wise to look into one that specializes in trauma. Narcissistic abuse is insidious and literally poisons the family and related relationships. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Look up Kris Godinez on YouTube, it really helped me.

[divine1966]

“Grey rock” is an excellent method to deal with obnoxious people. It would probably aggravate them if you practice “grey rock” because they they thrive on conflict and love to drag you in to their misery, but it’s not your problem. Just go about your life. If cannot cut contact completely, keep it to a minimum and don’t engage.

[Open Eyes]

My sister was horrible in that she would chase after me when I did not react to her baiting. And she practiced stalking and black mail tactics. It was embarrassing in that she did not even care who she did this in front of. No one wanted to deal with her not even her own family.

[Open Eyes]

@tigerlily84 I did check out Kris Godinez and the talk I listened to covered the different Custer B personality disorders. In therapy when I reached out for help because my sister was so toxic I did not know what to do. Three different therapists told me her behaviors are very disordered and mentioned both borderline personality disorder and NPD. Listening to the talk I was wondering about the darkest borderline called the witch. (Something so many call my older sister)Then when Kris talked about covert narcissist I could see a lot of that too. And the Machiavellian that uses religion or having special powers. And choosing to do mean things and feeling pleasure in hurting like a conquest.

I am sorry for anyone exposed to such a dark personality. Though I had not heard of gray rock before I did practice it on my own as a way to survive some very bad behaviors beyond anything I could ever imagine doing myself. Well some people are very disordered and can be very dark and cruel.

The best way to handle it is distancing yourself and that can be hard when this presence is a family member. A lot of people say to just focus on behaviors which is something I had done a lot. However I wish I had known about these dark personality disorders years ago as I feel it would have prepared me to realize how dark and cold and calculated these individuals can get.

[sarahsweets]

But what does she do to you>

[Open Eyes]

@sarahsweets who are you asking the question?

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

@sarahsweets who are you asking the question?

The OP right? Just want to make sure it’s not me so as not to seem rude by not answering as I think you are asking the OP.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

The OP right? Just want to make sure it’s not me so as not to seem rude by not answering as I think you are asking the OP.

I'm not 100% certain, but I am guessing Sarahsweets is addressing the OP. I am Also wondering what exactly this person did and said to the OP bc what was written (by the OP) was kind of vague, imo.

[sarahsweets]

Yes I was asking the OP.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

@tigerlily84 I did check out Kris Godinez and the talk I listened to covered the different Custer B personality disorders. In therapy when I reached out for help because my sister was so toxic I did not know what to do. Three different therapists told me her behaviors are very disordered and mentioned both borderline personality disorder and NPD. Listening to the talk I was wondering about the darkest borderline called the witch. (Something so many call my older sister)Then when Kris talked about covert narcissist I could see a lot of that too. And the Machiavellian that uses religion or having special powers. And choosing to do mean things and feeling pleasure in hurting like a conquest.

I am sorry for anyone exposed to such a dark personality. Though I had not heard of gray rock before I did practice it on my own as a way to survive some very bad behaviors beyond anything I could ever imagine doing myself. Well some people are very disordered and can be very dark and cruel.

The best way to handle it is distancing yourself and that can be hard when this presence is a family member. A lot of people say to just focus on behaviors which is something I had done a lot. However I wish I had known about these dark personality disorders years ago as I feel it would have prepared me to realize how dark and cold and calculated these individuals can get.

It's possible from your description that your sister falls into the Dark Triad, which is narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy or one of the personality disorders that you mentioned. Obviously, I'm no expert as I'm going off this based on what you have said here. Kris Godinez discusses it in detail here:

.

She does a live show on her youtube channel every Sunday at noon PST.

You're right, it can be extremely difficult to distance yourself from a malignant person like this when it's a family member. I had to go no contact but I lost family members in the process as they were under her spell and believed her lies.