New Here. Need Advice

I found this site in hopes I can find some answers to what i am going through now. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 10 years. high school sweethearts. And we just broke up only 10 months ago. Our first child was only 3 months old at the time..
He started dating someone new, and has told me continuously that me and him are taking a break and "that you never know what will happen in the future". to me this implies that he is willing to get back with me later in the future.
Me and him have had rekindling interactions these past 10 months, and we miss each other. he wants to be with me and so do i. his plan was to wait for a good time to leave his girlfriend so that he doesn't just leave her for me. He wants to catch her cheating as he has found things in her phone before. My plan was to give him time and wait for him. we both know were meant for each other and were willing to work on things.
Now the problem is that his girlfriend just found out she's pregnant. he is devastated. he does not want a child. and he doesn't want a child with her. he wants her to not have the baby. i think she did this on purpose to keep him around. perhaps she knew what he felt about me.
i told him he could have prevented this if he would have just told her what he wants. he does love the girl and blames me for checking out of our relationship and calling it quits because it made him love her.
he doesn't know what to do and i feel devastated that now its going to be harder for us to make it work. i feel like this has gone too far and this wast supposed to happen. now that it has, were both stuck on what to do
should i wait for him, should i move on? where do i draw the line? please help

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Originally Posted by rr3765 I found this site in hopes I can find some answers to what i am going through now. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 10 years. high school sweethearts. And we just broke up only 10 months ago. Our first child was only 3 months old at the time.. He started dating someone new, and has told me continuously that me and him are taking a break and "that you never know what will happen in the future". to me this implies that he is willing to get back with me later in the future.

It sounds a little like he is keeping you in his pocket in case it doesnt work out with the new girl, that isnt fair to you.

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Me and him have had rekindling interactions these past 10 months, and we miss each other. he wants to be with me and so do i. his plan was to wait for a good time to leave his girlfriend so that he doesn't just leave her for me. He wants to catch her cheating as he has found things in her phone before. My plan was to give him time and wait for him. we both know were meant for each other and were willing to work on things.

I do not think this is a good idea or fair to either of you. I do not think this is a great person to string you both along. He either wants you or her. It doesnt matter what he says to either of you. And being with someone in the hopes of catching them cheating is a cop out. Either he wants yo leave or he doesnt. He cant have his cake and eat it too.

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Now the problem is that his girlfriend just found out she's pregnant. he is devastated. he does not want a child. and he doesn't want a child with her. he wants her to not have the baby. i think she did this on purpose to keep him around. perhaps she knew what he felt about me. i told him he could have prevented this if he would have just told her what he wants. he does love the girl and blames me for checking out of our relationship and calling it quits because it made him love her. he doesn't know what to do and i feel devastated that now its going to be harder for us to make it work. i feel like this has gone too far and this wast supposed to happen. now that it has, were both stuck on what to do

How did she trap him? Did he use birth control on his end? its the only way to avoid pregnancy. a woman doesnt get pregnant on her own.

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should i wait for him, should i move on? where do i draw the line? please help

I do not think you should wait for him. He showed his true colors during the original spilt.

This is what happens when people play games. Yes, he should have told her and left her rather than waiting 'for the right time'. But isn't that what they always say? Wait for me, I can't leave her now, give me time, she needs me for x, y , z??

I read what he said to you as him dangling you on a string and manipulating you.

He does not seem reliable nor trustworthy. Even if you did check out of the relationship, as he claimed, he was the one to opt to be with someone else. He didn't fight for his relationship with you. How on earth can he put this on you saying your actions made him love her?! He doesn't even own up to *his* part in all of that, putting all the responsibility squarely onto you. Not very mature.

I would move on. He made his bed, and choices, now he ought to commit to his course of action and not drag you down with him.

The two of you had a three-month old child and he left his child and you to start dating someone new?

How much has he been consistently contributing (in love, time, and money) to caring for his child?

I'm going to agree with what others said here. I'm thinking about him leaving you with a 3 month old child...and maybe I'm being judgmental just a bit, but I don't think that's something he should have even done...And now he doesn't want to deal with another child? Is he running from responsibility because he doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent?

I feel like you and your baby, deserve a whole lot more and better than this. He shouldn't have strung you along.

I know it's hard when you love someone and want to make things work, but he's already made it so difficult to make things work. He is definitely responsible for all of his choices and actions whether he wants to be or not. I don't believe in telling people what to do with their lives, but I advise really thinking about what you deserve, and that you're worthy of so much love, and being with someone who really wants to show up and be with you.

hes been very helpful to me and my daughter. financially supportive. he sees her and watcher her 3 days out of the week. Hes never really given me a problem. were really great friends and coparent so well. people are always surprised that we work well together.