Sexless Marriage

You misinterpret What I said. I merely pointed out that SOME women in their sixties have a high sex drive. I never said that I think everyone else has a wild sex life.f

JBear-

When did the sex frequency change? How long have you been with her? In my last relationship, in the first year it was normal, then when he received full custody for his 11 year old son, it totally stopped. Ex HAD to sleep with his child. The child had sleep anxiety issues. So there was zero physicality. I did resent that, because I knew if it was reversed, he would not accept it.

I think there is more to your story.

I would say it changed about 5-6 years into our marriage. When we married, she had two kids, age 11 and 16. If anything, we had more and better sex when the kids were living with us (they now are adults and live in other cities, although our daughter is living with us during the pandemic). Bottom line: There probably is more to the story. But I haven’t quite figured out what.

Most women don’t care to have sex be something they are obligated to do. Once that sentiment enters the picture it tends to take away the enjoyment and becomes more of just a function that one needs to get done with like any other chore.

Another thing that often is not discussed is that some men can be sexually selfish and the woman is not even satisfied and basically just fakes it.

Maybe I missed the part where you said whether she has always been like this????
This is a tough situation. If you don't have enough to hold you together without enough sex to please you, seems like you will have to split.
I hope you will help her to prepare for your leaving with education or trying various employment.
She really is the biggest loser here, in so many ways. It is so sad if she never experienced great sex.

I was also wondering about some of these things.

I’m sending good wishes.

The book about love languages came to mind for me too when reading this thread. For example some people feel more nurtured and loved by physical affection, for others it may be quality time spent together, or words of affirmation.

Do you have activities that you enjoy together, real fun to build a good feeling? do you laugh together about anything?
This does sound like a possible menopause problem.
Do you use massage and various techniques to build her desire? Not having enough private alone time together can be a big problem.
i agree w most people here that the way u have approached this could prolong this, but if she wont try to help u find out what's causing it or in trying some solutions, i dont see a good outcome.
There could also be patterns of your behavior, trivial and serious, that she finds hard to deal with, but she fears telling you.
good luck, we know this is complicated. One person cant fix this by themselves.

Marriage doesnt always need lots of sex but i have known and heard that its extremely important. I suppose you both have to put each other in the mood. You have to make the sexual advances from time to time, and as she does the same, sex will be in your marriage again. Intimacy is extremely important, without intimacy your relationship will fall.

I'll throw out some thoughts.

How's your hygiene? From top to bottom, inside and out.

Talking with your wife about the issue would, I believe, be more mature and affirming than threatening her that you'll leave if she doesn't do what you want her to do. If a partner said that to me I'd never allow him to touch me again. It's a bastardly statement to make. You really shot yourself in the foot on that one.

It is unfortunate that your wife won't go to couples therapy. You are left with having to work on the problem in your own therapy; that's your option.

Have you ever (even one time) made a less-then kind comment about your wife's body or appearance?

Just some ideas.