[MyBestKids2]

I don't understand my 12 year old daughter. I thought I had raised her to be a caring, kind, loving, and respectful human being. I have tried my best to instill good values and morals, but it hasn't worked.

When the kids came home in October, it was and still is a traumatic adjustment. Lindsay is now going to middle school instead of elementary as she was in the other state she resided. I don't drive, and we live in a commercial area, so social outings are limited.

She instantly made one friend, and I was so very happy. Her friends parents even made several trips to our home to pick up Lindsay for sleep overs, shopping trips, etc... I had a feeling something had been not so good these past few weeks as I hadn't heard from her friend.

I just checked our landline voicemail that had a message from her friend. She was crying, asking why, oh why, Lindsay doesn't talk to her anymore, why is she being so mean. OMG, I am livid. I asked Lindsay about it, and she said her "new" friends don't like this other friend, so therefore, she can't talk to her other friend anymore.

I am soooooooooooo MAD!!! I know girls are girls are girls, but I do not know my daughter as well as I thought. And this is just the beginning isn't it?????????

[Perna]

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...51C0A9649C8B63

[MyBestKids2]

Very cool link, thanks! She even has her own website with all sorts of goodies.

You know when you are officially a parent when you say to a child " I am so DISAPPOINTED in you". I was hoping I would never ever have to say that.

My hurts

[bebop]

thinking she is trying to fit in with the "in" crowd. she will find out what they are really like when they say something mean and nasty to her. I hope I am wrong on that but my thoughts are with you hon. raising kids should come with instruction books.

[sabby]

Oh dear.....let the games begin!!!

It's so hard for kids to find the place where they fit and and feel comfortable. Remember that this is a learning experience for her hon.

Maybe sitting down and having the talk with her about right from wrong (gently reminding her) and asking her how she would feel if she was treated the way she is treating her other friend.

May I be so bold as to make a suggestion?? When speaking with her, instead of saying you are disappointed in her, maybe you could say that you are disappointed in her actions and choices she has made. That will help her understand that no matter what she does you still love her and don't think of her as a failure, but that she could do better to make better choices. Sometimes it's all in how it's worded that makes the most impact, positive or negative.

Just a thought for you as I know how fragile young girls minds are.

Wishing you well m'dear


sabby

[MyBestKids2]

Thanks so much bebop and sabster.....Your thoughts and suggestions mean so much to me. I do realize this day and age that things are so much different, but I still don't like it. And yes bebop, I misrepresented myself earlier. I would never ever be disappointed in my children as beings, only in their decisions and/or actions.

I have been told 12-17 are the hardest years, and then they go back to lovin' ya again!

[sabby]

Hon, I've even been thrown for a loop when my girls were around 16 or so and they came to me and said they finally realized something I had been trying to teach them and that they appreciated my input and patience. Dang near took me off my feet to hear that out of them. Then, as fast as it came, it went away again and they were back to their old ways....learning and complaining and making poor choices. Lesson is, take it as it comes and know that if you gave them a firm foundation when they were young, it will resurface in time and help them as they mature


sabby

[Perna]

I still remember, Sabby, when I did that to my mother I apologized to her for something ugly I'd said and she said a bit later that she'd nearly fallen off her chair.

[sabby]

LOL Perna.....the shock factor is something else eh??

[Ocean13]

It's a hard lesson as a kid to learn how to not just do what everyone else wants you to do just to 'fit in'. And not learning to stand up for herself and her friend. All you can do is tell her you are disappointed in her choice and the reasons why. Some day in the future she may be in the same place as this friend she's turned away from and when that happens she'll be hurt and have this experience to look back on. But her friend..won't be there. Isn't tween life a pain?

Good Luck

Ocean13

[Perna]

I was part of a threesome from 5-8 years old and now it looks funny but it sure didn't then! We'd be playing and two of us would get angry at the the third and she'd end up crying. She'd either go home in tears or two would leave her house and she'd remain, in tears. Two of us lived down the street from one another and the third a bit further away so the two of us were slightly stronger friends. But at my 30th high school reunion, it was the third that was there and helped me; she was the sweet, helpful girl she'd been as a 6 year old :-) I hope I was "nice" like when I was 6. I don't know that we change over the years, we just get different experiences so we can behave differently if we want to. Bad experiences in that sense are good because they give us a "different" experience we can't get reading a book or any other way; even having our mother disappointed in us or our behavior.

[AAAAA]

(((((mybestkids2 and daughter))))) 12 is a really hard age and girls are terrible. By far worse than boys in my opinion. Boys will come to blows and either make up or avoid each other. Girls feel the need to get everyone involved and have them take sides. You never know who you can trust, and you're just trying to fly below the radar.

I would not go back to my teen years for anything and my daughter's broke my heart too. There were girls that went out of their way to make her life miserable in Jr. High. She currently calls them friends, but there is one I cannot even look at. It's childish on my part I know, but that particular girl is NOT welcome in my home. This girl caused my daughter a lot of anquish and while my daughter may be able to forgive her I cannot.