Attachment issues?

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum or has been asked about before, but I feel like this is a big underlying problem for me.
Like, I really like most of my family, but I don’t feel strongly attached to them and knowing this makes me feel guilty. How can you know people for years, nearly your whole life, and still feel like you could walk and not look back?!
I was fostered then later adopted by my parents from just over 2 years old; I read recently that the jury is out when it comes to whether adoption has an effect on your relationships, and I do agree to an extent, now that I think about it. Some adoptees have very strong emotional ties to their adoptive families - it does make sense to me; blood ties aren’t the be all and end all of what makes a family.
I’ve been told (by a bio sibling - who I didn’t even know existed and was allowed to look for, then introduce themselves to me IN PERSON without my knowledge/permission!!) that my mum had post natal depression. I only know that I was neglected and it wasn’t safe for me to return, in the end, so a two week foster care placement turned into 35 years. I have vague memories of being with her but not positive ones.
I’m guessing she would have been my primary care giver at that time, but I have so little information about what was going on I don’t even know if other family were trying to step in or what. I do feel I’d like to know, but I’m not sure where I’d start looking, if it is even recorded anywhere.
Bottom line is, is there anything I can do to change how I feel? Would some kind of therapy benefit me here? I’m totally preparing myself to read answers like Rox, you’re looking at things wrong, the solution is so simple you’re overlooking it I know it’s not but I’m not sure whether or not I’m overthinking it and I’m not actually beyond help!

Personally I don't believe you are beyond help. I do think you would benefit from therapy but I don't know a lot about the different types of therapy so hopefully someone wiser than I comes along.

Thank you, Raindropvampire (love your username btw!). I’ve got to a point where I feel I’m ready to speak to someone, at least, even if I can’t see them in person. I’m not sure what kind of therapy would be best, either!

Your situation is different from many adoptions in that the first parental figure in your life was harmful to you. I'm very sorry that this happened.

When the relationship between parent and very young child is safe and healthy, the child develops what is known as a secure emotional attachment to the parent. Unfortunately, you could have learned, at a very young age, that it is dangerous to try to attach emotionally to parental figures. You could have learned that parental figures hurt you and then disappear. You might well then tend to avoid emotional attachments to parents.

To work on this in therapy, I would suggest trying to find a therapist who is familiar with attachment theory.

Thank you very much, Bill3. I do remember being quite scared of her, honestly. I’ll see who I can find to help me with this, but you’ve made me feel more hopeful

I think therapy would be good for you, its important to be considerate for the people that took you in, my Nan fostered me for years. My mother was severely mentally ill, so us kids were taken in by our grandmother. I learned a lot from Nan, and she holds a special place in my heart. It must be the same for you, my Nan used to beat me over cold coffee, i made for her. I still love her even though at times she took advantage of us. The people took you in and provided for you, its important to love them and forget about their wrongdoings and try not to take them personally.

Thank you for the reply, Prycejosh, but my issue isn’t that I hold grudges over wrong-doings, it’s more that I’m feeling a lack of deep emotional closeness on my part - not just with my family, but with a lot of other personal relationships.
I do appreciate what my adoptive family have done, but don’t feel that strong connection you’d expect and want to have after 30+ years of living with someone/several years of knowing XYZ person. I did nearly two weeks of dog sitting (alone) for my brother and sister in law last year, and my mum felt almost like a stranger to me when she visited one of those days.
Also, I’ve been on the verge of being so anxious I was about to physically bolt from a (now former) friend when we were on a day out at an animal sanctuary, and my most recent boyfriend while I was still with him. I could understand that because I’m not good at being in romantic relationships, but naively thought it might be different with him. It was in some ways, but overall being with him had a lot worse effect on my mental health than any previous relationship I’d had. There were red flags, but it wasn’t his behaviour that was causing me to feel the way I did.
I hadn’t felt unsafe with my friend until that day and still can’t explain why I wanted to run away from her. In my mind, the two incidents of wanting to run away from relatively safe people likely have the same root cause.
Sorry this turned into such an essay, but I just wanted to clear things up and say it’s not my family’s fault I feel this way, maybe it’s not mine either. I just don’t like it and want to try and fix myself.

Perhaps you are subconsciously protecting yourself by feeling distant and apart from people who are close...too close for comfort. It’s a way to prepare yourself to not be devastated should you lost any of these people. It’s very vulnerable to love and let yourself feel attached.

I feel your post is close to what I mean, TishaBuv - I have formed attachments in the past but now can’t seem to break my own walls down and let myself feel again. I’ve got a zoom/phone appointment with a therapist Monday evening, at least. I feel some relief knowing I’ve finally got that ball rolling.