[eclairparty98]

Hello PC I wish wellness for you all, be safe.


I'm looking for suggestions on how to respectfully, sensitively and thoughtfully end an unhealthy friendship. Unfortunately, after giving this much thought, there is absolutely no possibility of a hopeful alternative, the friendship must come to an end.

I value the friendly support she has provided me at times. She knew she could always talk to me too about her challenges, all of which I supported her through, trying the best I could to make sure she was as happy as she could be.
Unfortunately. I've sadly come to realise she is often judgmental, passive aggressive, confrontational and someone who seems to not want others to be happy or at least not before she is happy first. I have many examples of this.

It is really hard for me to explain the situation delicately without sounding extremely upset, bitter and bias. I have thought about this for a long time and am finally ready to act. I do not want to upset her in any way and wish to end this maturely and without any stress or conflict.
I am sorry for such a negative post.

[Discombobulated]

It isn't a negative post at all imo. You are looking to end a friendship which is no longer working for you as kindly and respectfully as possible.

There are a few different ways you can do this.

1) Slow fade. You gradually reduce time spent together and don't get back to her as quickly as previously. Eventually you fade out of each other's lives.

2) You talk to her about it directly. However this runs the risk of being confrontational especially if the person is prone to this. If talking directly it's best not to apportion blame but to talk about how your lives have changed and the friendship no longer working for you both whilst thanking her for the good times you have shared.

It is a sad situation to cope with. It's possible even if you end the friendship respectfully you may still need to grieve for the loss of this connection so be gentle with yourself as much as your friend is my advice.

Take care and hope you can work out a way that works for you.

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

It isn't a negative post at all imo. You are looking to end a friendship which is no longer working for you as kindly and respectfully as possible.

There are a few different ways you can do this.

1) Slow fade. You gradually reduce time spent together and don't get back to her as quickly as previously. Eventually you fade out of each other's lives.

2) You talk to her about it directly. However this runs the risk of being confrontational especially if the person is prone to this. If talking directly it's best not to apportion blame but to talk about how your lives have changed and the friendship no longer working for you both whilst thanking her for the good times you have shared.

It is a sad situation to cope with. It's possible even if you end the friendship respectfully you may still need to grieve for the loss of this connection so be gentle with yourself as much as your friend is my advice.

Take care and hope you can work out a way that works for you.

I know all about the toxic friendships/relationships...I’m a magnet for it. Anyways, like ⬆️ Mentioned there are two ways to do it, so my advice is to choose the option your most comfortable with. If keeping contact with this person at all gives you too much anxiety, then it’s best to just make a clean break. Something like you don’t wish to continue the friendship and wish her the best. Best to just be direct imo

[KBMK]

Hi, it is sad...is positive that you are contemplating taking action, though. I don't have a good experience of ending a friendship, only a bad one, and it was for similar reasons...misery does love company!..unfortunately! Recently I made some...resolutions about what I expect from, and offer my friends, and which behaviours would lead me to distance myself. I won't count someone as a friend if they steal my thunder, undermine my endeavours or salt my wounds. I would ask a friend to help me celebrate my successes, offer support and encouragement in my endeavours, and offer comfort and kind words in troubled times, and that's how I aim to relate.

I think if you have tried to communicate your needs/expectations, and if you're being ignored then it might be the kindest thing just to explain that your feelings have been hurt and you can no longer be a friend to her.

I have explained to a friend recently that I can't be a friend to him at the minute...it's been difficult as I know he is having a tough time, but he is acting out in various ways, not taking care or advice, and I was getting resentful and unsettled. He didn't take it very well, but I think we'll be friends again, when he's made amends and all's forgiven.

I think sometimes it's harder to let go than give up...but it's often a kindness to let someone go and wish them well
I hope it makes life lighter and brighter

K

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

Hello PC I wish wellness for you all, be safe.


I'm looking for suggestions on how to respectfully, sensitively and thoughtfully end an unhealthy friendship. Unfortunately, after giving this much thought, there is absolutely no possibility of a hopeful alternative, the friendship must come to an end.

I value the friendly support she has provided me at times. She knew she could always talk to me too about her challenges, all of which I supported her through, trying the best I could to make sure she was as happy as she could be.
Unfortunately. I've sadly come to realise she is often judgmental, passive aggressive, confrontational and someone who seems to not want others to be happy or at least not before she is happy first. I have many examples of this.

It is really hard for me to explain the situation delicately without sounding extremely upset, bitter and bias. I have thought about this for a long time and am finally ready to act. I do not want to upset her in any way and wish to end this maturely and without any stress or conflict.
I am sorry for such a negative post.

I support you ending this toxic friendship. It is not a negative post at all.

It sounds like you have a very one-sided friendship with her, which is what makes it toxic to your well-being. She has no interest in your emotional needs or being accountable for her behavior with you, as she acts this way with others in her social network.

People like your friend are charmers, and they attract a wide social network of people around them, because they are extremely adept at "managing" people without ever really having to participate in the connection.

They never really give people an authentic connection, b/c that's not what they want. Some people put up with this kind of abuse and toxicity b/c it brings them social connections or professional opportunities. So, they overlook the fact that this person isn't really emotionally invested in them as a real friend would be.

I know these types all too well. They are great talkers and salesmen/women and can talk a good game.

Severe your connection to all of her social media accounts.

You can call her and tell her you are ending the friendship and why. Or, you can send her a text or online message. It will be stressful but you know its for the best.

[Bill3]

Hello PC I wish wellness for you all, be safe.

Your messages always bring warmth, kindness, and love.

I'm so grateful that you are here!

[eclairparty98]

Thank you all, so much.. reading all of your generously supportive, friendly, informative and understanding replies has reassured me that I am doing the right thing. I have decided to, as discombobulated put it, slow fade.. Completely disassociating myself from this feels like the best approach for now.. I have carefully written a draft message and saved it incase she ever messages me with something unnerving. For now, I have ended all contact and removed her from my socials as Motts suggested. It had to be done.

KBMK, I wish you the very best with your friend, may your future be bright and beautiful regardless of what happens.
Bill3, I am so happy to hear from you, I notice how you have always been here for me whenever I may need support from PC.. Thank you, I wish you the very best in life

These replies are all so beautifully written, I am really grateful for the time and thought you have all put into them thank you so much. Be safe and be happy!

[jesyka]

Motts, what do you mean by some people being good at managing people? Also, how can you tell for sure when the other person isn't interested in an authentic connection? I think that I have met a few people like that and only realized what they were like after I invested a lot of time and energy in a fake friendship.

At the O.P, sorry to hear about your friendship ending. She sounded toxic, so it was for the best that you ended the friendship.

[Prycejosh1987]

Just be honest and open about how you feel, but honestly i think, why do you have to end it. You could always try and work things out, but if you have tried that and nothing works, then be open and honest to your friend about their behaviour towards you.

[Fuzzybear]

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

Just be honest and open about how you feel, but honestly i think, why do you have to end it. You could always try and work things out, but if you have tried that and nothing works, then be open and honest to your friend about their behaviour towards you.

Why does she have to end it? Have you read her post?

“I've sadly come to realise she is often judgmental, passive aggressive, confrontational and someone who seems to not want others to be happy or at least not before she is happy first. I have many examples of this.’”

[herbal tea]

If it's hard for you to tell her directly, then you can not do it. Then you can gradually reduce your communication to completion. Pretend you're constantly busy and don't have time. Stop sharing emotions, thoughts, secrets with her. I think that in time she will understand that your friendship is coming to an end.

Of course, this will not be very good for her. It would be much fairer to just tell the truth. But you have to choose how to do it. And you decide whether you want to hurt her feelings or not.

But if your friend is really toxic, it is really worth ending the friendship.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

Just be honest and open about how you feel, but honestly i think, why do you have to end it. You could always try and work things out, but if you have tried that and nothing works, then be open and honest to your friend about their behaviour towards you.

I think its clear that the OP said this friend is toxic. If that is the case she needs to end the friendship. She doesnt need to try and work anything out if this friend is toxic.