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Old 11-24-2020, 05:20 AM   #31
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

So sorry to hear that Seesaw. I hope your brother takes your suggestion, and your nephew can get some time to process things in a safe space.
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Old 11-24-2020, 09:58 AM   #32
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

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So sorry to hear that Seesaw. I hope your brother takes your suggestion, and your nephew can get some time to process things in a safe space.
Yeah, he has agreed with me. I explained to him what the process would be like briefly last night.
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Old 11-24-2020, 06:06 PM   #33
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

Well, this is apparently a behavioral hospital, so he can be there longer and they do have some capacity for treatment. But I need to get my brother to stop trying to control my nephew's recovery.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Old 11-29-2020, 12:28 AM   #34
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

Honestly, my brother is kind of being a jerk. He is just unloading and unloading and unloading on me. Like I'm some kind of emotional trashcan for him. When we talk, I try to help in the best way I know how, which is telling him what I know about this process. And he just always seems to want to yell at me about stuff. And there's nothing I can say. Honestly, I cannot do this anymore. This is why I avoid contact with most of my FOO because of this crappy way they treat each other. He got back in touch with me when he's going through a nasty divorce because he needs someone locally, family, on his side, for support. But it's all one-sided. He gets to just rip into me whenever he feels like it.

He has no clue what I go through on a daily basis with my psychiatric disabilities, and I try to help him in the best way I know how, and it's always just responding by yelling at me with all this defensiveness (when I haven't even said anything - like he says something then just starts yelling defending himself and I haven't said anything at all - and I have never said anything to at all suggest anything is his fault to be defensive over). It's all about him and his family and what they are going through. He doesn't have any clue, not one iota, of what I deal with daily.

I want to be there for him, but I cannot continue having one-sided conversations where it's all about him and his divorce and his kids. And I'm tired of being a punching bag when I'm trying to help.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
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Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Old 11-29-2020, 12:56 AM   #35
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

Its weird how after we spend so much time in therapy, i kinda expected that my brother and i would speak the same language or somehow be able to acknowledge our shared experience, but it isnt like that at all. Its more like walking thru a mine field, which is so cliché, but... maybe like a bouncy house. No balancing. Every move sends you flying in an unexpected direction.
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Old 11-29-2020, 01:19 AM   #36
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Its weird how after we spend so much time in therapy, i kinda expected that my brother and i would speak the same language or somehow be able to acknowledge our shared experience, but it isnt like that at all. Its more like walking thru a mine field, which is so cliché, but... maybe like a bouncy house. No balancing. Every move sends you flying in an unexpected direction.
Some people progress in therapy, and others don't. I don't know how much therapy he's been going through, and I suspect it's not really anything more than having someone listen to him vent/rant.

I freaking swear. Well, I guess we're going back to being estranged. That makes me very sad that I won't be able to support my nephew because his father is too screwed up to care how others feel.
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Old 11-29-2020, 02:32 AM   #37
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

And of course I told him how I felt and he started attacking me. He says he "cautiously" let me back in...Dude, you called me for support. I didn't beg your *** for help or contact or anything. I was perfectly fine with no contact. And while I will be again, I'm upset at what this might do to my nephew. I don't want to abandon him.

At least I don't need to question anymore. My family is truly screwed up, and I'm not making this crap up.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Old 11-29-2020, 02:57 AM   #38
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... I'm upset at what this might do to my nephew. I don't want to abandon him... At least I don't need to question anymore. My family is truly screwed up, and I'm not making this crap up.
I so hear you. You are not making this up, and i think this shows how much work you have put into resolving family issues, and he simply did not.

You are making resolution (by listening to all sides) your mission in life; his is just control: listen to ME.
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Old 11-29-2020, 10:09 AM   #39
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Default Re: Trying to help my nephew

Your brother is not ready to be receptive the way you would like. Right now he has too many anchors weighing him down and he is looking for a presence to dump some of them on. He may be in therapy but he isn't at a stage in therapy where he has gained any actual skills yet.

He isn't at a place where he is capable of seeing YOUR pain or challenges either. He has too many weights he is carrying of his own that he has no idea how to let go of. It's very much like trying to rescue a drowning person and when you get near them all they can do is pull you down instead of allowing you to save them.
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Old 11-29-2020, 10:29 AM   #40
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Your brother is not ready to be receptive the way you would like. Right now he has too many anchors weighing him down and he is looking for a presence to dump some of them on. He may be in therapy but he isn't at a stage in therapy where he has gained any actual skills yet.


He isn't at a place where he is capable of seeing YOUR pain or challenges either. He has too many weights he is carrying of his own that he has no idea how to let go of. It's very much like trying to rescue a drowning person and when you get near them all they can do is pull you down instead of allowing you to save them.
Seriously the drowning person metaphor is spot on. But it's not just that. This isn't new stuff. He tried to bring stuff up from the past and say that I got angry out of nowhere and cut him off, and I was like that BS. Before I cut off contact entirely I had more than one conversation with you in which I confronted you for using me. When we reconnected he pretended not to know things that I had told him, and I'm just like, if you really didn't know these things or don't remember them then it's just proof that you didn't really care at all because I told you these things. We had intense conversations in which I told you these things.

And last night I said flat out to him, here are exactly the things that I specifically said to you before. I'm not going to let you pretend they didn't happen or I didn't say them directly to you anymore. When we reconnected and he pretended not to remember (or honestly didn't bc he's a self absorbed jerk) I let it slide because I thought "new day, that's in the past, fresh start). Then last night when I told him he was being hurtful and he starts attacking me, I just decided enough was enough. He doesn't get to make me into a villain or the bad guy.

It's 100% like before. No one has any problems but him. No one has feelings but him.

I didn't send nasty messages or anything. I just said here is what happened and here are the things you claim not to have known or remember. And since you don't care that you hurt me unless there is evidence, here are the things you are doing right now that are hurtful. And the thing is, even before I sent that I said to him that I struggle with severe mental illness on a daily basis, and he has never asked how I'm really doing or cared, and he didn't even acknowledge that. Just went on the attack.

He's not safe. I won't be around him. I gave it a shot. But I've sacrificed my life enough for this screwed up family, and I will not continue to do so.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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