Confessions

Another thread about young girls' relationships reminded me of a painful recurring image: My best friend had moved, so I tried playing with my neighbors who were a year younger than me. Three neighbors were friends. I was with two of them. Here's what I remember: They were writing a letter to the third friend. And they asked me to sign it with them. I may or may not have known the contents. I was about eight years old.

Then we were at my favorite event at school and the two girls came up to me and said the third girl's father had just yelled at them. I begged my mom to leave and she finally gave in, even tho I couldn't tell her why.

From then on, every time we drove past the neighbor's house, I got a stomach ache. I have a vivid image of my dad driving and me looking out the back window and the neighbor-dad giving me an angry stare. And that issue was never resolved.

Do you have anything like that?

Yeah, I have memories of things that I had done that in hindsight were hurtful to another. I don't think I was mean to anyone on purpose....but the idea of not fitting in with friends and going with the crowd sure is a hard thing for a child to turn away from.

I hope you are able to forgive yourself for anything you had done as a child who didn't know better. We had a lot to learn as children don't you think?


sabby

I bit the camp counselor. But she said "nothing" could hurt her and I wasn't the only one to bite her, just the best :-) Anyway, she went to the camp nurse (without saying anything, you know those camp counselor types who aren't going to admit you hurt them and lose the "contest") who then singled me out and started yelling at me in public, like I was a rabid dog. Correction, like I was a stupid rabid dog who just took it into her head to pick a person in authority to up and bite? I hope when I grow up I learn to ask some sensible, non-threatening, helpful, questions of kids before I start yelling. There is usually a method to their madness just as there is with adults. That they don't understand is not a fault or anything bad!

I had a very good friend as a child, and I can't remember why, but she and I had a falling out. I don't know if it went on a long time or just briefly, but my mother noticed and asked what was the matter. I didn't tell her the truth, but I was upset this friend and I were on the outs, and instead made up a story that this girl had been mean to me and that's why we weren't speaking anymore. I cried and felt sincere grief, but it was because this friend and I were estranged (for another reason), not because she had been mean to me. Anyway, my mom called up this girl's mom and bawled out the girl for being so mean to me. I felt so bad.... Why couldn't I have just told my mom the truth? It turned into something much worse because I told that lie. I don't think this ever got fully resolved. I just wasn't capable of it then.

Why do these childhood hurts never go away?