Confessions

I have to get this off my chest.

A little about myself first: I'm 25 years old, have been married for over 3 years and have no children. I appear "normal" in every aspect of that word. I have an okay job, I'm middle class, not overly happy nor overly depressed. People who know me would classify me as a "good person"

I've been having an affair with a married man for almost 2 years now. He already had a little child when we first met and he and his wife recently had another baby. We met online on a game site and we just casually chatted for a while until our conversations became more intimate. Six months after meeting online, we met in person and hit it off wonderfully. We live far away from each other and only see one another occasionally, though we talk everyday.

I am married to a wonderful man, though I was never happy in my marriage from the very beginning. He is loyal and wants to take care of me and I know he loves me. For some reason, I can not make myself feel attracted to him at all and if I could financially afford to divorce and live on my own, I would strongly consider it. I know he would be devastated if he learned of my affair and I really despise what I've done to him, as well as what I've done to my lover's wife, but I can't seem to let go him.

My lover has become my best friend and deep down I want to be with him permanently, but he has told me from the very beginning of our affair that he loves his wife and children and that he will never leave them for me. I'm not happy with our circumstances, but I just tolerate my life as it is now and look forward to the times that I can be with him.

I don't really even know why I'm on this site and typing it all out for the public. I'm just not able to talk to any of my friends or family about it, as they would be so shocked and disappointed in me. I am totally not someone who would be suspected of having an affair. I just know that it is draining on me to keep this secret all bottled up so I've decided to let it out online.

If anyone has any words for me, I'd appreciate it.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - I feel for YOU for YOU have gotten yourself into a very tricky situation - one that will probably never work out for you and with that it will hurt.... it will HURT you, your husband, this man, his wife and their kids.

If I may ask? - Did you know he was married with a child when you first agreed to meet him in RL?


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs for you)))

Oh, I totally identify and empathize with your situation. I was married for over 20 years to a man to whom I could not relate emotionally. In my early thirties, I began taking an art class at a local college, and became totally smitten with the professor, who elicited from me all the inspiration and emotions my marriage lacked. It ended because I could not become involved with him sexually...I just couldn't, even though he said he'd "take care of me." I did tell my husband shortly thereafter, and he just dismissed it, though he was hurt in his own shallow way. This took me ten years to get over.
Divorced 9 years now, I have never regretted leaving my husband, though it was not for another man, instead waiting till my daughter left for college.
You're in a real pickle here. If this man with whom you're having the affair says he loves and will never leave his wife...you need to extricate yourself from him, painful as that will be. Also, if your marriage is so unfulfilling, address that problem sans boyfriend.
LOve
Patty

Unfortunately, I did know. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to have to say that out loud. I know it was so selfish of me to not even consider how it would affect his family.

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needs_advice said:
Unfortunately, I did know. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to have to say that out loud. I know it was so selfish of me to not even consider how it would affect his family.

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With that said................ Are YOU willing to end it now?

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Well, that is definitely a fair question. Actually, my eyes watered up a bit when I read it. Its like I know how wrong the affair is in my mind. I mean there is no question. I've realized that I'm more selfish and pathetic than I ever thought I could be, and yet I still don't feel like I can give him up. I absolutely adore him and live for the times that we spend together.

I apparently am really messed up.

No.... not messed up, just emotionally attached to someone that was NEVER yours to have.

Question.... what do YOU think would happen today if his wife found out?


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

i'm sorry that you've gotten yourself into this situation. don't beat yourself up over it now. just take care of yourself and your family and by doing your soul-searching and perhaps speaking to a therapist, you'll be able to decide what to do. best of luck, love, pat

You can't undo the past. Work on the future. Look inside yourself and decide what it is you want and need.

I do want to point out that staying in a marriage because you don't think you can survive financially on your own is the reason I stayed in my own marriage for so long. Like you, I married young and realized it was a mistake almost from day one. I waited 18 years to take the chance and see if I could make it alone with two little kids. I did. It can be a struggle some days, but it's worth not being in a loveless, emotionally draining marriage.

If you really think you would be happier outside of your marriage, don't be afraid to explore the options available to you. It will be much harder and more expensive if you wait and children become involved.

Good luck.

Yes, I too stayed in the early years for financial reasons, and being told I'd be kicked out on the street with nothing, have my daughter taken away from me...
I was so browbeaten I believed it and felt I had no rights. Now I know that would not have been the case. Consider your options.
Patty

it's hard to be who we want to be, huh? real soul searcher here. i vote for clean break, time out to work on self, new, more appropriate relationship later, when you're grounded.
Hard one. Very hard one. I feel your attachment to him loud and clear..... but, his attachment to you--? You deserve someone who is as committed to you as you are to him. It's worth waiting for the "right one". Don't beat yourself up, get busy biting that cold hard bitter bullet so youcan get on with YOUR life. Hang in there.

It's a good start to express what you've needed to let out for awhile here at PC. It's much better then keeping it in forever. This is a hard one, I think what ultimately needs to be done is for you to make a very serious decision, because if this continues it can devastate so many people.

You cannot change the past...I wish we could.....but look ahead to protect yourself, wishing you peace.....take good care of yourself......