How to convince husband to care feelings that he doesn't agree with?

3 years of dating, 6 months of marriage and it's a wreck.

One pattern is that he will do/say things that make me feel terrible. But when I try to tell him That hurts or explain why it hurts, his responses are:

• You are too sensitive
  None of my friends would feel that way; if I asked them, they'd all laugh
  I can't be myself around you
  I'll just stop talking
  We're different.
  On the West Coast, nobody is like [you]. We aren't bothered by stuff like that.

So, for my feelings to be valid, I guess 9/10 Oregonians must agree?

Most recently, he was antagonizing me over a sleep disorder and (sorry), a sexual disorder.

Sleep disorders run in my family, as do depression. Even though I do most the housework, dog care, and executive tasks....when I take a 3-4 hour nap, he makes snide comments about how it "must be nice". I feel like I'm missing out on my life. When I explain my exhaustion isn't enjoyable, he responds as listed above.

I'm a 36 year old married virgin. I didn't want to have sex before marriage.....but it was painfully impossible when we tried. My pap smears were the hardest two doctors have ever seen. My sex drive is nearly non-existent, largely because of the disconnect between me and my husband.

I use dialators to try to fix what is wrong with me. They hurt bad. My husband will frequently interrupt holding a hammer, which bothers me. But he said, "Most girls get over this when they're 17. How old were you when you started using a tampon? Are you going to be the 40 year old virgin? This is teenage stuff, and it's bringing up teenage emotions."

Or, he'll ask me not to sleep with my cell phone near our heads at night, for radiation. No problem. But he will take Airplane Mode off during takeoff, on a plane to try to terrify me. When I explain why this is terrifying and makes me feel unvalued, he argues, "You're so sensitive, your [east coast] family is so different. All my friends would laugh, etc., etc." ......Sometimes after such an argument, he'll inexplicably start taunting me about my transgender little bro, who I love dearly and am very protective over.

I was a pro naturalist. I'd take people on bird walks and show kids cool bugs for a job. It took multiple huge, tear-filled, nerve-wracking fights for him to stop sending me pictures of dead wildlife when we were dating. He doesn't do that anymore, but why was it so hard?

Same thing with the racist words. His friends aren't racist, but he used to love "riling me up" and making me angry. I never yelled, but I'd challenge him every time. It took 2 years and a breakdown to get him to stop, and my opinion of him dropped a little bit every time.

He has broken dishes and thrown his playstation controller at our puppy's playpen (with puppy inside). He would be offended if he knew this still bothers me.

Last night I told him I as getting into counseling to try to learn how to reach him. He says he'll just have to stop behind himself.

What to do now?