What is with this girl?

I work with this girl at work and I actually like her. She's super pretty and we get along pretty well. And I think she likes me also. She puts her fingers in my hair. She hugs me a lot. She told me the other day she loved me. She gives me flirty nicknames. I drove her home once from work because she needed it and since then she hasn't asked me for a ride since...I offer her many times since and instead she asks one of her girlfriends to (who we also work with). I would have thought if she was interested in me she would keep asking, but she hasn't and it's been a week and she needs rides almost everyday due to car issues.

I noticed that usually I will have to be the one to message her first to initiate communication, but if it's in person she has no problems being flirtatious with me. What gives? Some days I feel she doesn't give me much attention, while with others she does... There are other guys at work and she doesn't flirt with them. I just feel as though I am receiving mixed signs, such as she will act flirty with me but then if I message her she won't respond back to me (and I know because it said 'read') I don't like the inconsistency. Any advice?

I'd suggest talking with her on the phone or meet up over the weekend. I think the back and forth texting is getting old and you need to make a decision about her.

She loves you or is in love with you? Hard to say since she's inconsistent. It's best you talk with her directly.

Sounds like she is playing with you. She is being a bit of a tease IMO. If you text her and she doesn’t respond then stop texting her. You are not her toy. Yet you can still be nice after all you want to have a good working relationship as it’s your job.

It sounds like maybe at one time she was interested, but is not interested in you like that anymore (she has stopped responding to you in texts, she doesn't want to ride in your car).

Honestly it's best not to get involved with someone you with anyway.

It’s bizarre that during pandemics she puts fingers in coworkers’ hair and gives coworkers hugs and rides in people’s cars. Unless both people are vaccinated, all these activities people engage in your work place are dangerous and aren’t recommended. Even if both vaccinated, some of these activities are not recommended at this time. Maybe your state has different guidelines...

I don’t know what’s the deal with her re liking or not liking you but I think it’s better not to flirt or have romances in a workplace. I’d step back especially since it seems she stepped back already. I’d look for a girl to date outside of work place

Advice? I would leave her be and not have anything to do with her.

I think this pretty much answers your question anyway:
She does not want a car ride, nor such closeness or intimacy, with you.

Sometimes people leave confusing messages and they don't realize it. They can be physically affectionate when THEY feel like it and don't realize how that can leave the other person confused. Actions of intimacy can be more about them then something they are actually doing for the person they are being affectionate with.

We had a guy get fired for sexual harassment at work a couple of years ago. I would stay away from her if you care about your job. Maybe she likes you now, but what happens if that changes? Then everything that's happening can be seen as you sexually harassing her.

One of the things that confuses a lot of people when it comes to relationships is when the other person shows physical intimacy. Even individuals who are breaking up with someone or their relationship isn't working out can suddenly find themselves engaged in intimate acts by their partner and they wonder "well, maybe he/she still loves and wants me". Often that is NOT the case and instead the other person just wants some kind of physical interaction for THEMSELVES and it has nothing to do with actual love or for a connection with the other person.

When it comes right down to it, actually it can be a form of USING for SELF GRATIFICATION. It's often about CONVENIENCE when someone needs some kind of intimacy FOR THEMSELVES. This type of person is objectifying and often they may not realize it. This is often described as a NEED FOR FEED.

This kind of person may look to get their feed off of as many in the environment as they can. For example, this girl showed you affection and you gave her a ride home. She got friendly with other workers and got a ride home from them too. So basically she is working the environment for HER needs. There are individuals that learn how to do small doses of "love bombing" techniques and it has nothing to do with caring about others, but more about setting up others she/he can USE. They use a form of self promoting and can seem charming, but it is ALL ABOUT SELF.

It sounds like you were just "groomed" and there is no actual interest. The candy only takes place when SHE wants it to, that is a red flag for a user and NOT a good candidate for a healthy relationship where YOUR needs are actually respected.

It's important to pay attention to the "red flags" so you know what you are dealing with. This is especially true in the work place because you are there to work and earn money for yourself, and that means paying attention to the kind of people in that environment so you focus on getting along instead of ending up becoming objectified and getting angry which will disrupt your work performance.

Our training said touching anyone anywhere was sexual harassment. OP might consider complaining the he is the victim of sexual harassment. I doubt that would work though since he's a man and the harasser is a woman.

Open Eyes is probably seeing the situation correctly. That kind of behavior is not uncommon.

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about being careful although from what you wrote it seems nothing major has happened. i'd be honest with her and ask her if she's interested in you and why is she behaving that way. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NeedHelp104, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I would not call it sexual harassment unless she continues this behavior. It’s really not appropriate to be touching others the way you described in a work place environment.

It’s not surprising you are asking “what is with this girl?”

This is bang on.. maybe not in your situation (we don't know) but it's likely she was feeling in the moment that made her feel good (attention, a drive, etc)

Mixed messages is when someone goes back and forth, back and forth about their intent and desires. Its not necessarily from an intentional or cruel place, though. Usually the person is just confused. This doesn't seem like mixed messages to me. She expressed possible interest, then, what it sounds like to me, is she changed her mind. She hasn't gone back to actions of interest. That's not mixed messages. That's having an interest, then something happens that causes her to lose interest (what that may be, I couldn't say. Maybe she's not a good person, or maybe she thought better of flirting at work. Maybe she started seeing someone else. Maybe something happened with the OP in his car or text messages that turned her off, we don't know. also if this is a "girl" and not a woman, they're young and her behavior makes more sense. Perhaps she was confused herself). We don't know what type of person she is. Its best not to assume.

OP, Its still my opinion that getting involved with a colleague is not a good idea. There are exceptions. This does not seem like one of them though.
Its disappointing for sure to have a crush and to at first have it returned and then not.

How old is this person? What you describe sounds like a teenager.

I Have two thoughts. The first goes along with what Divine said. Why is she touching people during a pandemic. My reaction would be to tell her to keep her hands to herself.

My second thought echoes what others said. You work together. A relationship if a coworker is full of potential problems. Best to be polite and have a good working relationship.

I have women touch me at work all the time. Even after we got training that said any unsolicited touch is sexual harassment. It's not my hair though. Just my arm, back, or shoulder. I don't complain about it unless it's my boss. Even then I doubt anything will happen to her or any women who do it to men.

That’s bizarre. I am a very touchy feely person (well I refrain during pandemics) but I cannot imagine randomly touching men at work.

I am not sure anything needs to “happen” to a woman who touched your shoulder. But you can let them know you don’t like it. Not because you want something bad happening to them but because you want them to stop.

We had a training that was very expicit in saying you couldn't touch anyone. Then shortly after that the woman who was not my boss at that time put her hand on my shoulder and I told her that you can't do that anymore because it's considered sexual harassment. She laughed but didn't do it again. Until February when she did it again. Then last week she did it again. And she is my boss now. There are 3 other women who sometimes touch my arm or back. They are not my boss and they are not jerks so I don't complain about it.

At my last job my office mate was super flirtatious. After hours when I was doing accounting and we were alone she would give me back rubs. Sometimes she would purposely bump hips with me. One time at a food show I was trying an ice cream bar and she said she wanted a bite so she grabbed my hand, pulled it to her and took a bite of the ice cream and then gave it back to me. She was married so that made it easy for me to not try anything.

Wow. You work in some extreme work environment.

Your work place sounds frustrating, Ace. We don’t have problems with sexual harassment or inappropriate contact among staff (thank heavens) but I can so relate to training/specific stuff being brought up in meetings being immediately disregarded. Just makes me want to face palm!
I’m sorry you’ve been disappointed OP, I agree with the general consensus though, that it would be better to step back and maintain professional boundaries with her from now on.

At the psych hospital where I worked some staff would have sex with each other on the ward. We laughed about some of the stuff like that. There was a small gym and one day a woman walked in and saw 2 hospital staff in flagrante delicto. So far no one at the lab where I work has been having sex, but the sexual harassment allegations abound. It's a weapon in the Game of Thrones. Ex employees describe the place a den of vipers. It gets nasty.

After about a year of working at the lab the exec tells us there will be an article in the paper. Two of the women were blaming the lab tech because they couldn't get their blood alcohol instruments working properly. There were a bunch of articles and DUI cases were thrown out. The lab tech was pretty much forced out of his job. The QA specialist quit. It was ugly. They finally moved the blood alcohol program to another lab. They were hiring for a forensic chemist recently and I thought about applying there but then I looked at the old articles and NO FREAKING WAY I would work there.

@NeedHelp104 are you ok? You have not posted in your thread since your first post.

Maybe he got fired. Maybe he's in sexual ecstasy. Maybe both?