Today

I try Chocolate... but sometimes its easier said than done. Thanks for the encouragement to do this.

Hugz
Beth

Isn't that the truth..... easier said than done. As hard as it is to keep trying again and again I've learned through all the struggle that its the self talk I listen to that has the greatest effect on my recovery. Sometimes its very hard to say anything positive or uplifting to myself. I have this back and forth counter attack that can go on for a while until I finally drop the criticial and helpless dialogue and focus only on the positive uplifting thoughts and words.

I guess its a kind of meditations. Self affirming self talk. Despiration is often the motivator to try anything to stop the cycle of sadness, frustration and anger. Sometimes it takes medications to help us while we learn other ways to find level again.

Knowing good self talk can trump bad talk gave me motivation to keep working it until I got results. Results at first were just to be able to stop the negative thinking. To put aside my worry for a minute at a time. Just to meditate on my breathing and distract my mind from my worries and negative feelings. Speaking faith that my worries will be resolved gave me the courage to let them go. Over time results replaced negative thoughts with postive thoughts and meditating on them until I felt some ownership in the feeling or thought empowered me to make different choices.

It is hard to overcome patterns and behaviours that take a long time to form. When one discovers their routines and habits are part of the problem the challenge of change can be overwhelming. One small self affirmation at a time starts that journey. Each repeated affirmation strengthens your steps.

I wish you well and continue to pray for a break in your pressure. A respite from you pain and sadness. I pray you see the sun shining in your world today and always.

Be well.............

ps.... just re-read your last post and wanted to add..... it just may be that stress has caused you to black out what went on with your dad. It was a big step for you to make the trip out. You did it. That's huge. You need to give yourself credit for that. You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. That is huge!!!

Maybe it didn't go as well as you'd have liked, especially since you can't remember the visit.... but you made it home again safely. You will go out again but you don't have to do it until you are ready. You will be ready again in the right time. Give yourself the break you feel your family doesn't give you. Don't scapegoat yourself and take on blame and self-criticisms you didn't earn. Be nice to you. Simply be nice to you and see if you can't over-ride those downer thoughts enough to get some relief. Celebrate the little bits of relief when they happen.

Are there other ways for you to connect with your dad? Can you phone him or write letters to him when you aren't able to visit. Your dream sounds like an echoe of your conscious worries. That you won't have enough time with your dad before his time to journey on arrives. I'm no dream analyst but it would seem your day time thoughts would be reflected in your dream world.

(((((((((Sweetsunshine)))))))))

Hey there sweetheart! I just wanted to say that i am soo proud of you for taking that leap and going to see your dad. i know how anxious you were about it. so to see that you were able to overcome that fear and move forward is huge!!! be proud of yourself for that. you followed your heart, let your love for him over ride your fear. that is definitely something worthy of praise in my book!

i love ya sweetie. and just so you know, i think you're great! you are a wonderful friend and a beautiful person who is worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. to me, you're priceless!!!

recluse1