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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#1
I disagree with the idea that there are toxic people. Noone is perfect. In my opinion, the most majority of people are normal with flaws. Agree that there are some behaviours that can trigger or bother you, even effect you if you have a deep relation with a person but out of that I pretty much think that people is just that, people, like you or me.
What I may see as a flaw or a toxic behaviour for me, could be viewed as something normal by another person or something that (s)he can handle. For example, I’m a person with lots of insecurities and I tend to fall into depression. I may being considered as a toxic person but maybe I have some other positive points, something more to offer apart from my mental issues. People is not only what they can offer you or what you can take from them. They are human beings as you. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) Last edited by FooZe; May 05, 2021 at 11:38 PM.. Reason: Administrative edit to bring within guidelines |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
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#2
I think there’s a difference between people who, like you, admit they have flaws and would prefer their relationships to be more reciprocal, and those who don’t recognise other people’s feelings, rights, boundaries etc. Having insecurities doesn’t make you a bad person, per se.
A lot of us have known people like that, most of them don’t think there’s anything wrong with their behaviour and so aren’t interested in changing, even if they realise they’re pushing others away. There are also those who actively enjoy harming others. Those people I certainly would call toxic/dangerous, not just flawed. |
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Uykulu
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*Beth*, AzulOscuro, Fuzzybear, leomama, lizardlady, Molinit, mote.of.soul, Uykulu, Werewoman, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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#3
Agree. People who are not ready to learn or don’t care about the others who are close to them are very few. These are only exceptions.
However, the habit we got in labelling whoever as a toxic person is well-spread and is unfair. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
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#4
It’s true that the word toxic is being used a lot. I guess it’s the new go to way to label someone one may have challenges interacting with.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#5
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Open Eyes
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#6
Definition:
1. poisonous. "the dumping of toxic waste" 2. very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. "a toxic relationship" You make a great point. People are not toxic. Behavior can be metaphorically toxic. It can be so detrimental, those around it feel ‘poisoned’. It’s become a trendy buzz term and it is hurtful to say a person is toxic. I think it’s better to focus on someone’s behavior being unhealthy, not the person themselves. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#7
Quote:
It’s very unfair as you say, describing someone as toxic for several reasons. One is that we are talking about persons. It sounds as if we’d carry something contagious. (I include myself because I’ve been called toxic). Boo! lol! Two, because we all have one or another of these called as “toxic behaviours” so, we are gonna be “toxic” for someone else. If we are all “toxic” in one sense or another, it doesn’t make sense to talk about the others, as distinguishing us from them. Are we, for any reason that escapes from my understanding, better than “the other”? Three, we tend to share with people. So we give our opinions about others without noticing that we are the ones who are injecting poison against the other person. They will carry the label of abuser, narcissist, drunker...what about hypocrisy? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
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#8
Agree - "toxic" is the trendy word now. Used to be described as a challenging or difficult person.
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AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, Open Eyes, sarahsweets
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
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#9
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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AzulOscuro, Werewoman
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#10
i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that the word may be overused a bit. i do think that sometimes we meet some people in our Lives from whom is better to stay away from. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @AzulOscuro, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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AzulOscuro, Hobbit House
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#11
Quote:
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Crone
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#12
I find that people who throw out labels like toxic and narcissistic are projecting, after all while they’re pointing three fingers are pointing back at themselves
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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eskielover, sarahsweets, seesaw, Snap66, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#13
Quote:
I guess it’s somehow better to put the blame into others than take responsibility and learn. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
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#14
Great Post, Azul. I agree.
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AzulOscuro, seesaw
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#15
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Open Eyes, WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
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#16
You can say someone is toxic for you without saying they are a toxic person. Sometimes people are toxic for example if they lie. Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t good for you.
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RoxanneToto, Turtle_Rider
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#17
Quote:
A lot of people maybe use the label ‘toxic’ as shorthand for “this person’s behaviour could be harmful to your health”. For further details apply within |
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leomama, Werewoman
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Human
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#18
Quote:
What I don't like about using that word in such a blanket way, which I see often used, is that it's used like a label rather than as you are suggesting, which is how they impact you personally. I think it has become a buzz word to label people and "other" them versus try to overcome poor communication and build relationships. I've met a few people who others might consider toxic, and even who at one point I felt like my relationship with them was toxic. But through communication and understanding, have built strong relationships with these people. I think people jump to calling anyone they have a conflict with "toxic" so they don't have to deal with the conflict and try and find resolution. There's a newer person who works for one of my clients, and she definitely can grate my nerves from time to time because she can be very resistant to new ideas. But I also know, from having talked to her a lot, that her resistance comes from a place of uncertainty and fear about what it will mean for her work load, will she be able to gain competency in new tasks, and will there be any one to support her in new work. Knowing that, I know how to overcome her resistance and make sure she is supported when we take on new work. I learned how to make her an ally. Her resistance and attitude could be considered toxic by some. I don't think that's the case though. So I guess what I'm saying (forgive my rambling) is that IMO people often use labels to write things off and excuse themselves from dealing with conflict. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#19
Quote:
She expresses it so well in form and content what it’s in my head that I don’t have anything else to add. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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seesaw, Snap66
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
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#20
Thanks for this thread AzulOscuro. I just looked at it. Like you, I agree with the comments. I agree that we have to be careful to label behaviors rather than people.
I want to add that I have struggled for a long time about whether or not others were toxic or I am the one who is toxic. In the beginning of my back and forth thoughts, a lot of it was about others but I finally began to look at ways I was behaving badly too. I think I have improved my behaviors and improved my boundaries and have noticed that now others are behaving and doing better. I don't know if I can take any credit for their improvements but do know that we eventually take on some of the behaviors of the people we are with if we spend a lot of time with them. However, we can't change others, we can only change ourselves. Most people have both good and bad behaviors. I know I struggle with not having sympathy for others excuses when they also clearly did something wrong. I have learned that when a person blames, excuses their own bad behavior and guilt trips me or others--it is time call them out on the specific recent behavior they are trying to deflect from or to have a time out from that person. Also, if I allow them to deflect an issue by blaming another person, then I am also contributing to allowing others to be blamed for their inappropriate behavior. I should say something like, "that is not the issue" or "have you talked to them?" And even if they have a valid point about someone else, many times I have been put in situations where others are asking me to change others in a way I do not have the power to do. I am learning to not feel as responsible for things I cannot change. For me, it has been very challenging to be in "fights" between three or more. When it is just between two people, things are so much easier to work out. It is important not to pile on to anyone. Perhaps some of their accusations bear consideration but there are some situations that I shouldn't get in the middle of. Dare I say these are "toxic" situations? I am trying to monitor myself also so that I do not behave badly either. Last edited by TunedOut; May 06, 2021 at 07:38 AM.. |
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