[Itearor]

All my life I've been focused on my studies and I've never taken care of my social life. While I'm grateful for having a good education, I'm starting to regret the poor investment I've done to my social life.

It's a matter of fact that I lack social skills. Everyday at work I pay attention to how everybody acts when socializing and I always notice something I don't do correctly like eye contact. I decided it's time to improve myself and that I need to be a more social person.

The thing is is, every person I know is either an old classmate or coworker. Arranging to meet with my coworkers outside work is a big no, since they're all much older than me. There are a lot of young people in other departments, so I guess I just wasn't lucky enough. I could befriend these young people, but I believe I should keep my relationship with other employees strictly professional because I'm afraid of being taken advantage of.

Regarding my non-work acquaintances, almost all of them live far from where I live, so it will be hard to frequently meet them. There are a few of them who live in my city, though. But back when we were in the same class they never showed interest in meeting. Should I ask them anyway?


There's also the possibility of meeting new people. However, I have no idea how to do it. I mean, how does one meet people you've never met? Do I suggest every person I find when walking along the street to become friends with me?

I just don't know how to being. So any suggestion will be greatly appreciated.

[divine1966]

Meetup groups if there are in your area. Ton of movie going groups and gaming and hiking and book clubs etc Now it slowed down with covid but it’s opening up again. Take a look

Take a class in a community center or other community venue. Any class. Foreign language. Drawing. Yoga.

Volunteer somewhere.

Religious communities if you are up to it, church or whatever is your denomination

[MsLady]

^^ Agreed

Also, it's best you keep your professional life separate from your social life. What you can do though is practice your social skills professionally with your colleagues (eye contact, initiating conversations, small-talk, etc).

There's got to be a social skills development group in your area? Again, with covid19 it may be on hold.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. Try to see if there are any activities near you that you may join and perhaps even some online groups if you trust that. You can start meeting people IRL from there i think. Wishing you the very best! Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @Itearor, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Itearor]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Meetup groups if there are in your area. Ton of movie going groups and gaming and hiking and book clubs etc Now it slowed down with covid but it’s opening up again. Take a look

Take a class in a community center or other community venue. Any class. Foreign language. Drawing. Yoga.

Volunteer somewhere.

Religious communities if you are up to it, church or whatever is your denomination

@divine1966 I like the idea of taking classes a lot. In fact, I once considered getting a certification of my English (it's not my mother tongue). So I would kill two birds with one stone. And the enrollment starts next week!

Originally Posted by MsLady

^^ Agreed

Also, it's best you keep your professional life separate from your social life. What you can do though is practice your social skills professionally with your colleagues (eye contact, initiating conversations, small-talk, etc).

There's got to be a social skills development group in your area? Again, with covid19 it may be on hold.

I did some research, and apparently there's a social skills development group here. However, it is geared towards children...

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. Try to see if there are any activities near you that you may join and perhaps even some online groups if you trust that. You can start meeting people IRL from there i think. Wishing you the very best! Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @Itearor, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks, @MickeyCheeky. Regarding online groups, this forum itself could be considered one, right? In fact, I read about the forums somewhere on the Internet (it was referred to as the Psych Central Forums, its older name, I presume. Since I've found many dead links around here pointing to the old domain name) and they mentioned that apart from the bulletin board there were social groups. However, I get a permission denied message. I could be wrong, but maybe I need to reach a certain number of posts before joining them? I guess I'll have to ask in the "Community Feedback & Tech Support" forum.


One more thing: I decided that choosing between meeting with some acquaintances of mine or making new friends was stupid, since I could try both paths. I contacted with an old classmate and we arranged to go to the movie theater this weekend. I hope it goes well!

[MsLady]

Good luck! Be covid19 safe and try having conversation after the movies.

[Itearor]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Good luck! Be covid19 safe and try having conversation after the movies.

Thanks for the tip. I will definitely do!

[Itearor]

Like I said last week, I met up with this old classmate I talked about. I contacted with an old friend of mine as well so the three of us could go to the theater.

While I enjoyed the movie and socializing after being a long time without going out was good, the experience with them wasn't. We created a WhatsApp group to arrange the meeting and this old classmate of mine didn't read any of the messages the day before and I thought he was going to back out. We waited for him where we agreed to meet and he showed up half an hour later. He rarely said a word. Before watching the movie I suggested going to the park and they both agreed. However, the guy changed his mind after the movie...

So my old friend and me decided to go to the park. I talked with her about what we studied and we're currently doing. It was nice. Someone suddenly called her and it was her boyfriend, who wanted to know who's the guy she was with in the park.... She then started looking for him and found him in a road beside the park entrance and they both argued a lot because her boyfriend told her he was kidding and that he wasn't jealous. Her "friends" were with her boyfriend and when she asked them if they though his behavior was appropriate and they told her she was being toxic!!

They eventually left and I had to console my friend in a bank and I told her she wasn't toxic, it was their friends and boyfriend who were and that she had to do something. Well, we finally got home and the following day I asked her how she was and she told me she texted them the night before and that everything's OK now. And 5 minutes later she uploaded a picture of her and her friends and boyfriend drinking in someone else's house.....

Oh god, I really feel like locking myself at home and not meeting with people ever again.

[AzulOscuro]

Avoid any kind of drama. It’s often meaningless, artificial, nothing to do with what you are looking for.
Divine gave you many tips about areas where you could find or meet new people.
I know you are very much limited by the time you dedicated to your job. But, finding these people connected to the hobbies you may have or the activities you enjoy doing is a great option.