[Stuck1nhead]

It’s 11:50pm, my wife and I had a argument over something I thought we would wait on discussing. She wants a yes or no to whether I’m giving her a second child when our first just turned 4 months old. What she doesn’t know is that her constant badgering is pushing me away. I’ve tried to communicate this to her, but she won’t listen.

I’m a man so I don’t understand the power baby fever has over one’s desires but the topic of a second child is driving me insane. My wife and I have been married for a little over two years now. I’m convinced that this topic is going to end our marriage.

I’ve asked her repeatedly as to why she wants a second child. The only answer she could give me was that she “wants our son to have a companion”. This confuses me beyond belief. Her siblings made her home life growing up a living hell. My sibling did the same but not to the same degree. So why is she so convinced on a second child???

At this point not a day or half a day goes by when she’s not talking about a second child or asking me when we will have a second child.

I tell her quite simply that as of right now I’m not eager to have a second child. To just give me 6 months before we talk about the issue again. But she won’t let up. She is relentless in her goal to have a second child. I haven’t even told her that I only agreed to have the first one was because she forced me into it. I love my son but I would’ve had a happy life if it was just my wife and I.

[divine1966]

It’s normal and common for people to want more children than one. I am glad I am not the only child. My brother and I have each other back and are there for each other in good and bad. Siblings bond is important to a lot of people. In addition mine and his kids are very close. My daughter and his oldest son are as close as siblings, not as much as cousins. These things are important

I am sorry you two have bad relationship with your siblings. But it’s not any kind of set in stone rule that that’s how your kids will grow up. I ended up only having one child because I couldn’t no more and life just played out that way but thankfully my daughter isn’t the only child as her dad has more children whom she is very close to. Of course it’s ok to have one child but most people want their kids to have a sibling

Having said that, your wife seems to be rushing into it. Maybe she could explain to you better. Does she want kids be close in age, does she worry she is getting older, does she worry that’s the only chance. And I also wonder if two of you not discuss number of kids prior to the wedding? Often these things are discussed and aren’t a surprise

[eskielover]

I am part of a long line of only children & so is my daughter. I for one didn't want to be taking care of kids all my life as I had a career I was focused on that was demanding. It was an issue because my now EX wanted more kids. Looking back at him, I know exactly why I only wanted one & he was actually part of the reason too along with the fact that I had to have a c-section to have the one baby I had. Lots went into my decision. Compromise was having one child because before we got married I specifically said no kids. I think I was hoping he would decide I was not the right person to get married to. When issues come up, there may actually be deeper problems going on in the relationship. I didn't grasp it at the time but looking back it is now clear.

[Rive.]

It's not uncommon to want a second child, especially whilst the first one is still young. It doesn't really matter whether one had a close sibling relationship or not.

Did you guys not address the children question before getting married? This way you could have been on the same page and each other's reaction would not come as such a surprise.

I would have a frank discussion with her when you are both calm i.e. you not wanting kids. It's better to be upfront rather than lead her on with 'let's revisit in 6 months' just to placate her. IF she wants more kids and you don't, be honest with her. She deserves to know that.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry this is happening! Please do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about being normal wanting to have another child i think. Be Honest with her about you not really wanting more kids. Hopefully you'll both be able to reach a compromise. Hugs. Let us know how it goes if you want to. Just try to be calm with her. Hopefully things will work out Well. Love. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Stuck1nhead, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Open Eyes]

Sometimes this is due to hormonal withdrawal. Women go through a lot of hormonal adjustments after having a baby. The body itself can be very fertile after childbirth often leading to another pregnancy that isn’t planned or expected. My husband and his brother are only 13 months apart. It’s not always psychological but physiological as well.

You can work through this! Don’t think about divorce! You have a child be patient.

[BigBubba]

Is she that annoying in other departments of life?

[TishaBuv]

I’m surprised she wants to get pregnant with another baby while your new baby is only 4 months old. Is it because she is advanced in age? That would make sense to me. Is it because she wants them to be very close in age?

Good reasons aside, if you do not want another, then don’t consent to have another. I am glad she is asking you for consent and not having an ‘accident’.

We had two kids 23 months apart. My h felt that was all he wanted, though I would have like to have a third. I was fine and respected his choice. But, when they were 7 and 5, I asked again if we could try to have a third, he agreed to try, and we got pregnant. He was happy with having the three. Tbh, the two older ones really wanted a baby when they were younger, but at the ages we had our third, they said they’d rather not. But they were happy with him and loved him, and they all got along.

[lovethesun]

That's a tough situation. Perhaps if your wife would just give you some time on the issue then a decision could be made with clearer minds at a later date. What's the rush? Your first child is only 4 months old and he/she is your first. You both may still be in the fog of trying to figure everything out and get a firm routine established. Which may be why you're not really in the mood to discuss a second. There will definitely be a time to discuss a second, but I don't think it's now.

[*Beth*]

Baby fever is just about the most powerful feeling I've ever felt. I suspect it's the same for some other women. I'm 58, past menopause, and still have baby fever! Since your son is only 4 months old it's awfully early to be talking about a second child. But if I were you I wouldn't buck up against her. An idea would be to tell her that a second child is something to consider when your son is a bit older. Give her some hope. When your son begins crawling and walking she may have a different feeling about rushing into having a second child!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

It’s 11:50pm, my wife and I had a argument over something I thought we would wait on discussing. She wants a yes or no to whether I’m giving her a second child when our first just turned 4 months old. What she doesn’t know is that her constant badgering is pushing me away. I’ve tried to communicate this to her, but she won’t listen.

I’m a man so I don’t understand the power baby fever has over one’s desires but the topic of a second child is driving me insane. My wife and I have been married for a little over two years now. I’m convinced that this topic is going to end our marriage.

I’ve asked her repeatedly as to why she wants a second child. The only answer she could give me was that she “wants our son to have a companion”. This confuses me beyond belief. Her siblings made her home life growing up a living hell. My sibling did the same but not to the same degree. So why is she so convinced on a second child???

At this point not a day or half a day goes by when she’s not talking about a second child or asking me when we will have a second child.

I tell her quite simply that as of right now I’m not eager to have a second child. To just give me 6 months before we talk about the issue again. But she won’t let up. She is relentless in her goal to have a second child. I haven’t even told her that I only agreed to have the first one was because she forced me into it. I love my son but I would’ve had a happy life if it was just my wife and I.

She sounds unrelentless in her pursuit of a second child, while ignoring your stated desire to hold off on that conversation.

How is your marriage otherwise? Are there issues between you? I’ve found that when one person constantly badgers their partner for a baby, that it means they’re trying to solve another issue in the marriage by using a baby as a band aid solution. This is why I ask how your marriage has been otherwise. I suspect something else is going on here.

[divine1966]

Many people just want children. It’s quite normal. Same as Beth I am way past having children plus I really can’t, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I am totally enamored with every child I see. I frankly can’t wait to be a grandmother and hope for it in the next few years. I feel like it’s a natural desire and there’s nothing in the world that compares to having children.

Perhaps if she wants more children and you don’t, you can go separate ways so she can find a man to have more kids with. Unfortunately that means you’ll only see your kid 50%. Or perhaps she could be convinced to wait for a year until your son is a bit older.

But I urge you to stop looking at a normal desire to have children as some kind of abnormal pathology. No need for that.

[RoxanneToto]

It’s not abnormal to want children, of course, but it’s also natural, just comparatively less common, to not want children or understand why other people do. My main concern here is that the OP’s wife isn’t listening to what he wants, for whatever reason - psychological, hormonal or physiological. Maybe asking her to give him 6 months to think about it was the only way for OP to get some breathing space from her pushing him to decide. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s assuming he will say yes - a lot of the time, using the stalling tactic means an unspoken “no”.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

It’s not abnormal to want children, of course, but it’s also natural, just comparatively less common, to not want children or understand why other people do. My main concern here is that the OP’s wife isn’t listening to what he wants, for whatever reason - psychological, hormonal or physiological. Maybe asking her to give him 6 months to think about it was the only way for OP to get some breathing space from her pushing him to decide. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s assuming he will say yes - a lot of the time, using the stalling tactic means an unspoken “no”.

Oh yes some people want children and some don’t. That’s why it’s important to find out if people are compatible in that regards.

OP clearly stated he only wants one child. Not that he wants more kids later. They clearly aren’t compatible in that area but it’s not because there is something wrong with her wanting children. His lack of desire to not have kids isn’t superior to her desire to have more than one child. They simply don’t want the same things in life. Not compatible

[sarahsweets]

If you don’t want any more children, but it is your job to protect yourself from that happening. You need to use a condom or some other type of mail birth control. You cannot rely on her to take those precautions considering the way she feels.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[eskielover]

OP Has only posted the original post. Hope he is reading the replies