[FridayT]

I am in a domestic violence shelter now, I have been there for almost a month. I was in a behavioral health hospital for two weeks due to SI. My husband, who I will be finally divorcing him 100%, had been completely oblivious of how he had been treating me. He's been manipulative, gaslight me, treats me like crap, disregarded my feelings for years. He claimed to love me and wanted to be a better husband and wanted to take care of me.

Had he not for the past 8 years had that opportunity? Did he not have 8 years to realize what he was doing? No of course not. No, I'm too stupid to know how to care for myself, I'm too inept to realize what hurtful things people are doing to me.

He will be given the order of protection from the police, he will be given the divorce papers. I'm done.

Oh, but we had all these plans we meant to have. But we were doing so much better, but what about our cat? I can't work or take care of myself (note that he had been by himself for nearly two months. Bs.) I need someone to take care of me. I'll kill myself if you leave me.

Not my problem. Sounds horrible I know, but I did everything for him, which cost me my income, my sanity, my time, my energy and more. I don't deserve that.

I do want to see my cat again, I hope I can as well as get all of my stuff out of the apartment. I have a case manager as well as my parents helping me. Yay.

I do want to be in a relationship, but I need to heal and I don't want to be in another abusive relationship. So, advice?

Also I just got myself a new job, but even through I have the apartment which is in my name, I can't pay rent to it I can't get government help and I don't want to go back with him. So I may try finding someone or some family who'll take me in. I'll pay rent. Once the money comes in.

I don't know if this is normal, but despite wanting to divorce and never see him again, I partially so love him and I am sorry for him. But I was never happy and it's time to move on.

[TishaBuv]

It’s great to see you are safe and starting a new, healthier life. Support from family is so great!

[divine1966]

Good luck in your new beginnings. Stay safe

[Rive.]

He is an adult, he can take care of himself like the grown man that he is.

As for future relationships, I would suggest taking time out before starting anything and to work on yourself. Personal work can help in identifying patterns in behaviour and/or relationality, so that you don't fall back into a similar dynamic with a new partner.

[Open Eyes]

Unfortunately you were in an unhealthy relationship and even with an effort to get help the relationship did not improve. When in an unhealthy relationship there develops a lot of stress and inability to develop healthy communication. This increases frustration and a sense of powerlessness.

The truth is we are actually powerless when it comes to interacting with another person who is not willing to develop healthy communication. The only power we have is to walk away and that includes not expecting the other person to admit they are unhealthy to continue having a relationship with.

You have taken the first steps to get your sense of power back. Yet once you leave it can take time to grieve whatever you feel you lost. Then to work on yourself and slowly learning to navigate forward on your own. It takes time to gain a healthy sense of self again. It’s something many talk about in that it’s difficult. Yet with time and patience progress can slowly take place.