When do so-called best friends have a true friendship?

Yeah. It's definitely trust.

One of my closest friends is a lawyer so he always helps me out when I have problems with my clients. He also guided me on what to do when I got into a car accident once. Even before we were in college, he always had my back when I had conflicts with some people.


Another close friend who's a nurse, when she was still single, helped me out when I needed to stay until 3AM setting up something at the mall for my job. She also visited me when I was depressed. And even though she's busy with her son now, she still helps me right away. Last February when I thought I was having a heart attack, she guided me through what I should do and helped me not to panic.

I trust them with my life. Of course, I do the same for them when they need me. It's just a personal decision for me not to always bother them when I'm depressed because I don't want to be a burden.

Yeah. I don't understand this (I know I should already understand it lol) but yeah, I found old texts/emails, I was sending her very caring, empathetic lines in my messages, and she skipped all that stuff, she just plain didn't respond to those parts. Why?? What was that? Was she that focused on her scheming to get money?

I know she did say that whenever she'd try to figure out her problems, she always decided that she needed money as the answer. She always ended up at that answer....

Around the time she seemed to change (? or just showed me more of herself), she was very excited that maybe we would get to work together at some company and being pretty well paid and we would be such good friends or whatever.

So she already thought of money as the prerequisite to everything else, including us being true friends. Um.... yeah I realised this tonight.

And you know what I thought of as prerequisite of things being OK? I understood (or was made to believe by her manipulation) she was in a bad place and blah blah, so she couldn't be a good friend while in a bad place, so I thought she needed to feel like she's in a good place, and I figured she needed to have some support so she could have success, she could feel successful again plus support for better living circumstances so she can get success more easily. (E.g. finish her school/Bsc degree, get a job, etc etc)

But no, she just wanted money. Not success out of her own achievement.

I frankly never realised there was a difference there in our ideas. Do you see what I mean?? I'm just realising right now. Earlier in the evening I only got as far as...."ok it's weird that she wants money but doesn't think of working on being able to earn it as the solution". So yeah, I see why she didn't think of it. This is sad.

Especially sad as I was aware of some of it, partially.... She would say she wants a rich, old guy and I would say, oh, I believe in her that she doesn't actually want a rich guy like that lol.

I do think she was oscillating between that and between doing her school and other sensible goals. But somehow by the end it was no longer oscillating...is when she got really bad towards me. Happened to be at the same time... coincidence?

That was when she did finally get the inheritance and also failed her school at the last obstacle, the Bsc thesis. She managed to do everything else....my support was good only as far as that. I couldn't go on supporting her because she started behaving hateful to me, and was unavailable for any kind of talking, so I couldn't even have a chance to give her any help on that thesis crap (whether moral support or more practical support).

Yeah yeah I don't think it was a coincidence. What do you think?

It feels so stupid seeing all this written out here. I believed in her so I didn't see this before. Plus she wasn't totally lost yet, or something. (That oscillating I mean)


PS: And also....when I started really getting into therapy, she wanted to hear none of it. I was trying to tell her about psychology and how therapy does help and everything, I did get her an appointment too but she cancelled it. Etc.
So anyway after she got hateful like that, there was a period where I thought she was okay with me again and I got into therapy more too so that was when I tried to talk about psychology and therapy and stuff like that to her. And she ignored all that too just like she ignored any caring or empathetic lines from me. She really thought only money works and nothing else.

What do you suppose attracted you to them?

What do you suppose attracted them to you?

That's a long story and involves my whole childhood, in several ways.

It was her seeking me out originally first though. Because of the helpfulness of mine that I displayed. Long story again

Thanks! That's really good to be aware of. I think that it's helpful, if you want to avoid a third incident, to have a thorough understanding of how those things happened twice.

Some things happened twice, some happened only once, some happened three times and so on. Yeah, I've spent years on processing all this.