[Alive99]

I'm putting this in the Relationships section for a reason. So, all websites etc that list things for treatment of depression also list social support.

That's what I don't have IRL (or very little, from family sometimes) and yeah, well, that's exactly what would help me lift the mood, so I could have more functional days dealing with low mood/energy.

My question: how do you get regular social support IRL if all of your IRL "friends" left because they didn't want to deal with you/be there for you in hard times?

Suggestions?

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you have to put up with this! Please do not give up! i think finding some more supportive friends may be a solution. Of course that may not be easy but you can see if there are some support groups near you for example. i Hope things will improve soon for everyone. You deserve the Support. Everyone deserves some Support. Please do keep us updated if you can and want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Alive99, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

So Sorry you have to put up with this! Please do not give up! i think finding some more supportive friends may be a solution. Of course that may not be easy but you can see if there are some support groups near you for example. i Hope things will improve soon for everyone. You deserve the Support. Everyone deserves some Support. Please do keep us updated if you can and want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Alive99, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks, it's just that it takes time and of course energy to get new friends, lol. So it's kinda not gonna do what it needs to do bc by then I would be feeling better already anyway Looks like I just have to suck it up like this, life can be hard and tough like this

[Have Hope]

How about a support group for depression?

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

How about a support group for depression?

Thanks for your response. What do they usually do in these support groups for depression? Is it talk about depression or is it more than that? I've never been to one like that so I don't know.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Thanks for your response. What do they usually do in these support groups for depression? Is it talk about depression or is it more than that? I've never been to one like that so I don't know.

I don’t really know because I’ve never been to one but I know they exist. I’ve been to an abuse victims support group and found it to be very helpful. The group leaders were there to both support and equip us with the tools to manage ourselves and our emotional states. I highly recommend looking for a support group because I think it would help provide the support you seek.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I don’t really know because I’ve never been to one but I know they exist. I’ve been to an abuse victims support group and found it to be very helpful. The group leaders were there to both support and equip us with the tools to manage ourselves and our emotional states. I highly recommend looking for a support group because I think it would help provide the support you seek.

Thanks. What I'm looking for is people who would give me positive energy IRL, maybe go out to do fun stuff, etc. I don't know if support groups provide anything like that.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I found getting involved in a regularly scheduled activity (weekly in my case) was the trick. For me, it was music performance, so I found an outlet through my church initially, and then eventually I found a civic group. Both meet once a week, so twice a week I can get out and interact with a group of people who share a common interest. The activity is uplifting in itself, and the friends I have made are invaluable.

What do you have an interest in that could perhaps put you out in a group of like-minded people? For my niece it is an exercise group. For another friend, he took up dancing (not something he had ever done before). Another friend habitually goes to the same coffee shop almost every morning and has found other people who do the same thing and has developed friendships there. Book clubs? Sports activities? Craft hubs? These places are out there, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there in those activities.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I found getting involved in a regularly scheduled activity (weekly in my case) was the trick. For me, it was music performance, so I found an outlet through my church initially, and then eventually I found a civic group. Both meet once a week, so twice a week I can get out and interact with a group of people who share a common interest. The activity is uplifting in itself, and the friends I have made are invaluable.

What do you have an interest in that could perhaps put you out in a group of like-minded people? For my niece it is an exercise group. For another friend, he took up dancing (not something he had ever done before). Another friend habitually goes to the same coffee shop almost every morning and has found other people who do the same thing and has developed friendships there. Book clubs? Sports activities? Craft hubs? These places are out there, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there in those activities.

Thanks. Clubs and the like with lots of people talking at once are not an option because I'm literally unable to follow that. I used to train a lot but since my life has been a mess in the last 3+ years, I can't run much (too much stress makes it impossible) and so I would not be able to keep up the pace if I tried to go run with others. In the first year of these last 3 years I could still go but then I could no longer go. I don't have any other idea. I'm too stressed out by trying to keep up the part time work and deadlines so I don't have any idea. This whole thing would be so I would have a better mood (?) so I would be able to work during the day. But I'm gonna have to do allnighter now. Because the stress about the work was too much so I couldn't work during the day. Fun right? Sorry I guess rightnow I can't focus on how to find fun with others.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Thanks. What I'm looking for is people who would give me positive energy IRL, maybe go out to do fun stuff, etc. I don't know if support groups provide anything like that.

Try Meet ups. Meetup - We are what we do There's literally every possible social group you can think of, in any area of interest. If you join a group in an area of interest of yours, you're bound to receive positive energy and meet people who are kindred spirits.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Try Meet ups. Meetup - We are what we do There's literally every possible social group you can think of, in any area of interest. If you join a group in an area of interest of yours, you're bound to receive positive energy and meet people who are kindred spirits.

Now that I vented I feel a little better and did a little work too. I've heard of Meetup before, I hope I'll be able to get to it and not drown first trying to do the work. Thanks again.

I agree that joining something like a group, class, or club, could be of value. Imo, the key is to continue going. I've found many people take a while to "warm up" socially / get comfortable around newcomers. So waiting could be worth it!

I'm glad you're feeling better!

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I agree that joining something like a group, class, or club, could be of value. Imo, the key is to continue going. I've found many people take a while to "warm up" socially / get comfortable around newcomers. So waiting could be worth it!

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Thank you, that's a nice tip/thought too!

The thing is that I do know that something like that is worth to try but then for some reason I always forget and it takes forever to remind myself, lol. But I think any detailed description of mood problems belongs in the depression/bipolar forum more

[Breaking Dawn]

Very interesting discussion. I did belong to 2 support groups IRL, & both were very helpful, especially the 2nd one & I even made a friend in that one. Also I've done a lot of volunteer work, which can be very fulfilling. Thank you for this thread. It's helpful & something for all of us to think about.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Very interesting discussion. I did belong to 2 support groups IRL, & both were very helpful, especially the 2nd one & I even made a friend in that one. Also I've done a lot of volunteer work, which can be very fulfilling. Thank you for this thread. It's helpful & something for all of us to think about.

Glad you like the thread. I've thought about volunteering too like, let a group use my condo for stuff, etc. I just need to keep all these ideas in my head lol.

What did you find particularly helpful in the 2nd support group?

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Glad you like the thread. I've thought about volunteering too like, let a group use my condo for stuff, etc. I just need to keep all these ideas in my head lol.

What did you find particularly helpful in the 2nd support group?

I had been in personal therapy & reached a point where I felt that I needed to learn how to be more social. So I told my therapist I needed group therapy, & she formed one for me. She asked other patients of hers if they were interested & several of them were. They were interesting people & very smart, & I enjoyed those sessions. I still have social anxiety, but that group made me feel accepted & that helped me accept myself, at least more than before.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I had been in personal therapy & reached a point where I felt that I needed to learn how to be more social. So I told my therapist I needed group therapy, & she formed one for me. She asked other patients of hers if they were interested & several of them were. They were interesting people & very smart, & I enjoyed those sessions. I still have social anxiety, but that group made me feel accepted & that helped me accept myself, at least more than before.

Wow that's pretty cool, that therapist.

I think my goal isn't about being more social...but about feeling happy with people again. And that is really about believing in my future, that I'm not stuck in some dead end forever. Somehow if I can feel happy with people then I believe in the future more too. And then that's mood lifting.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Thanks. What I'm looking for is people who would give me positive energy IRL, maybe go out to do fun stuff, etc. I don't know if support groups provide anything like that.

It will depend on what you like to do and be engaged with the most. For example, if you like hiking is a good option because there use to be be lots of groups everywhere.
If you like animals you can offer a hand there and meet like-minded people.
The same with other activities as drama groups, dancing learning, or any kind of learning -a new language-, etc. It will all depend on your likes, your level of energy, the time you have available taking to account the hours you have to dedicate to your job.

P.S.: I know it’s not easy when you feel a low mood. At least, I hope you don’t have social anxiety. I don’t know it. In this case, it would be even more difficult.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I had been in personal therapy & reached a point where I felt that I needed to learn how to be more social. So I told my therapist I needed group therapy, & she formed one for me. She asked other patients of hers if they were interested & several of them were. They were interesting people & very smart, & I enjoyed those sessions. I still have social anxiety, but that group made me feel accepted & that helped me accept myself, at least more than before.

Thanks for sharing.
I was about to participate on one of these groups with my psychologist, you know to learn social skills, sharing out our experiences but the other participants didn’t finally attend. I guess they were afraid.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Alive99

Wow that's pretty cool, that therapist.

I think my goal isn't about being more social...but about feeling happy with people again. And that is really about believing in my future, that I'm not stuck in some dead end forever. Somehow if I can feel happy with people then I believe in the future more too. And then that's mood lifting.

I would relativised the role other people may play in your life. I mean...the most important is your own self-confidence and enjoying the activities you choose. The other comes within. And much more if you don’t have problems being sociable.
I’m not saying is easy to find people you may feel comfortable with, ok? It will depend on many factors.

For example, my mother is such an easy-going person that she joined a group trip (it was the first trip she enrolled in after my daddy’s passing away, the very first trip) and from then on, she has a group of friends to do all kind of activities and even a partner.
I’m just the opposite. So, it will depend on many factors. But, first, it’s you and your interests. It’s convenient not to begin to build the house by making the roof first.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I would relativised the role other people may play in your life. I mean...the most important is your own self-confidence and enjoying the activities you choose. The other comes within. And much more if you don’t have problems being sociable.
I’m not saying is easy to find people you may feel comfortable with, ok? It will depend on many factors.

For example, my mother is such an easy-going person that she joined a group trip (it was the first trip she enrolled in after my daddy’s passing away, the very first trip) and from then on, she has a group of friends to do all kind of activities and even a partner.
I’m just the opposite. So, it will depend on many factors. But, first, it’s you and your interests. It’s convenient not to begin to build the house by making the roof first.

My goal is really to stay out of my head and have something to look forward to so I would be able to work early enough during the day because a big problem of mine is not being able to until the evening or even later in the night or worst case until next morning.

And since I lost my IRL "friends" after trauma, that is why I think it would help if I had more good experiences again with people, it would help overwrite the bad experiences.

I will be honest, I don't see how I would rewrite the bad experiences on my own without any external influence from people.

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

It will depend on what you like to do and be engaged with the most. For example, if you like hiking is a good option because there use to be be lots of groups everywhere.
If you like animals you can offer a hand there and meet like-minded people.
The same with other activities as drama groups, dancing learning, or any kind of learning -a new language-, etc. It will all depend on your likes, your level of energy, the time you have available taking to account the hours you have to dedicate to your job.

P.S.: I know it’s not easy when you feel a low mood. At least, I hope you don’t have social anxiety. I don’t know it. In this case, it would be even more difficult.

I don't have time now because of work. But that's what I'm trying to change.

I don't have social anxiety, the problem is more the above.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Alive99

My goal is really to stay out of my head and have something to look forward to so I would be able to work early enough during the day because a big problem of mine is not being able to until the evening or even later in the night or worst case until next morning.

And since I lost my IRL "friends" after trauma, that is why I think it would help if I had more good experiences again with people, it would help overwrite the bad experiences.

I will be honest, I don't see how I would rewrite the bad experiences on my own without any external influence from people.






I don't have time now because of work. But that's what I'm trying to change.

I don't have social anxiety, the problem is more the above.

I can’t understand how you feel because I didn’t suffer a big trauma, mine it’s was more a drop after drop falling.

It’s not easy to open up yourself when you have been hurt.
Take it little by little. Know these people without having high expectations, open up yourself in the way your guts tell you.
Call me crazy if you want, but I’m sure you are gonna find people who are worthy.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I can’t understand how you feel because I didn’t suffer a big trauma, mine it’s was more a drop after drop falling.

It’s not easy to open up yourself when you have been hurt.
Take it little by little. Know these people without having high expectations, open up yourself in the way your guts tell you.
Call me crazy if you want, but I’m sure you are gonna find people who are worthy.

Thanks. I hope I'll find people like that (edit: I mean, people who can become really good friends too, I thought this was my other thread, lol), I just realised that subconsciously I didn't believe that this is possible. So I didn't actually have hope. I only realised that today so that's a step forward.

And yes I'm going to need some positive experiences too to rewrite the past, I think.

[AzulOscuro]

Didn’t read your other post so far.

Good for you. It’s without any doubt a step forward.
Once you began to put an idea in your mind, there’s not a step backwards, maybe stones in the way, but not backwards.

Tell us how you are doing and which activities you joined.
Oh, I also want to do it but the single idea to be out of place while dealing with people, stops me. 😔

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Didn’t read your other post so far.

Good for you. It’s without any doubt a step forward.
Once you began to put an idea in your mind, there’s not a step backwards, maybe stones in the way, but not backwards.

Thanks, I hope for the same.

Tell us how you are doing and which activities you joined.
Oh, I also want to do it but the single idea to be out of place while dealing with people, stops me. 😔

I think I will take some time too because I have to solve the issue of working during the day first, but if I have hope like this then that can help solve that issue, and then I can go ahead and actually do things with people.

How do you mean you would be "out of place"? Like a misfit?