[black-roses]

So my mum said to me yesterday that she feels like she's responsible for my current predicament because when I was 12 I had good coordination and concentration and was meticulously clean. Then after she abandoned me to go to Madeira when after 12 years old my entire personality changed. I was no longer the Vanessa she knew I had poor concentration would come home with dirty clothes, became lazy at school etc. It's just kind of ironic that she realized this as before it was like she thought I was mentally disabled or something or did this behaviour on purpose but now she's owning up to her behaviour and how it may have contributed to my trauma.

[Rive.]

Good that she's finally owning up to her part in this. Unfortunately she did not realise this before as it seems her actions (and thoughts) caused you a lot of pain. Hopefully, her acknowledgment was helpful to you.

[Medusax]

She seems to be genuinely contrite....in YOUR opinion, DID this have that effect on you or was it something else? Like a chem imbalance?

[black-roses]

Honestly, well her leaving ment I had to live with a violent father that would hit me over everything and twist my arms. Without her I had no one to protect me my anxiety levels went through the roof, without her I had no safety net. I didn't born with depression no one does mine was created by abuse definitely 100%

[eskielover]

Did your mom leave because your father was abusive to her? When she left, did she have any way of taking you with her?

Could you talk to her more about what she was going through that caused her to leave that definitely made you feel abandoned?

I know after I left my marriage, after a few years I was finally able to talk to my daughter about what had been going on & it helped her to understand all that had happened. Didn't put blame on her dad, I just stated facts about the things that happened & the feelings I was struggling with. Yes, when a parent is struggling just to survive themselves, their poor kid is definitely going to feel abandoned especially if left with the abusive parent.

Life is so complex, it is good to have heart felt conversations with those involved who are willing to talk & when someone is in the middle of their own trauma, sometimes their own survival is all they can focus on at the time.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry for what you've been through! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about talkgin more to your mom about this if you feel comfortable enough. i Hope things are better now between you two as well as in general. Please do forgive her and forgive yourself. You matter. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @black-roses, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!